The S Word

I read today a post the ho posted yesterday about the holiday of Tu'Bav, that happens to be the most positive day of the year in which it's the easiest to find your soulmate. I of course forgot about it by the course of the weekend.

For a minute I got disappointed with myself for the negligence. In seconds flashes of all the faces I saw throughout the holiday period runned through my mind and I wondered if any of them was a nominee for that position in my life. But that led me to asking myself if finding my soulmate meant I'd have to be romantically involved with that person. I reckon this is not the truth, but still that concept clings into me.

1- From all the romances/heartbreaks that I've had, none of them, even in the darkest times, felt like my [runaway] soulmate. 2- The only people that I ever considered as such were always friends with whom I find almost impossible to be romantically involved with. Then I get to the point that though I trully wish I'll find the one in this lifetime, I don't expect him to be my soulmate, because [numbers again]: 1- I don't often fuss my mind with the s word and 2- probably my concept of soulmate, the one that is really rooted in me, doesn't walk through the path of flames that is romance.

This, when I look at the big picture, goes beyond my skepticism; because instead of a heartburn it gives me a surprising peace of mind. The ho says on his post:

"What is going on in the world if people believe that a soulmate is a disposable element that can change according to your mood, how many beers you had or how much a stranger turns you on?"

and that felt like lullaby to me, because it reassured in me the very concept I always had. If at the end of my life I find myself "the one"-less, I'll try to remind myself I had with me beautiful people that added so much to my evolution as a human being, even if for brief encounters. That's my idea of soulmate.

[Song: Intervention - Madonna (like the ho)]

Here We Go Again

The time of the year when we start to freak around the web looking up for the next 30s clip to download, hoping it to be different from the previous one, probably has come!! Thanks to Brit hottie Parsons I downloaded 20s from what's supposed to be Madonna's new song.

As you all know she's to go urban on her next project and has spent hours locked in the studio with Pharrelleww Williams and Timbaland and his/her current favorite protégé Justin [Hot] Timberlake. But be astounded everybody, the song is rumored to be titled Candy Shop [!!!!!!!!!!!!!!]... yes, I know... yes, I also thought of the devil.

The very low-quality clip plays what's to be an electronic hip-hop song, written by the G-d, Pharreww and Justin. I confess the beats sound cool and even if, ever since music traffic on the web became a fact, we've heard loads of seemingly-Madge-but-not-Madge tracks, this one sounds like her voice indeed. People from the MadonnaFanzine forum said it's a legitimate Madonna, even if it's a beta-track: a track-in-test, that could never see the day of light.

Rumors have it that Stuart Price was the newest producer to be lined up to produce Kylie's forthcoming album. In my uneasy mind I'm already imagining that Madge decided to let Price go in order to get cozier with Williams and Mosley, so he decided to work with Kylie - something similar to what happened back in 1994 with the whole Shep Pettibone/Bedtime Stories/Dallas Austin affair; but for heaven's sake I'm building suppositions on gossips so nevermind my non-sense!!

Thing is, I've procrastinated like hell here and if you got to this point before clicking on the Parsons's link above [I know you didn't ho], you can download such clip HERE and see the supposed lyrics HERE [scroll down]. Oh by the way, remember when everyone bitched about Hung Up's lyrics? Well, let's say that if this song is released I'm glad I don't visit Madonna forums anymore and certainly don't care that much about lyrics if they come attached with gorgeous beats.

[Song: Like Someone In Love - Björk]

Joss Stone Top 5

Winter break has been mainly swayed by two artists: one I recently fell in love with [Björk] and another I love long time. The latter is Joss Stone who, since March, has been making me let my hair down with her sexy new album.

Introducing Joss Stone isn't a pop music revolutionary but it's a fun album to listen as background of daily activities or iPod walking. Her new red/purple hair tells that the girl has grown and become a desirable woman and the songs reinforce that.

But this list is about Joss's career as a whole. She's not an artist who reinvents the wheel at each work, but I love how young and competent she is. She was 16 when she broke through with that soulful The White Stripes's Fell In Love With A Girl Boy cover, that for me was impressive because of the raspery voice and the big woman tone, combined with a cool laid-back image instead of the virgin-but-horny girl that was still in vogue back in 2003. She was one of the few on the pop charts that were all about her voice and music, and not about her sexuality exploitation.

Now she's nude and graffiti-ed on her album cover and some lyrics are kinky, but when you listen to the album you remember why you started liking Stone in the first place: her voice and charisma.

Here are the songs by her that makes me melt or shake it like a polaroid.

Honorable mentions:

- The Soul Sessions: as a cover album I decided not to put my favorite songs from it on the list. But I could not not mention the marvelous versions she and producers Betty Wright and Steve Greenberg did; some of them [imo] overcame the original versions, such as The Chokin' Kind and "Fell In Love With A Boy" [Jack White himself said he loved the version and sometimes did Joss's version in concerts]. And how not to love the festive yeahs from Super Duper Love and the sorrowful and strong performance from Victim Of A Foolish Heart?

Top 5:

5. You Had Me [from Mind, Body & Soul]

How not to feel excited and waving aroung with it? I love everything about it: the independence yell implicit in the lyrics, the awesome guitar and man, how cool is that rap! This song sounds sometimes very bitchy and others kind of drama-queen: is there any reason for me not to love it?

4. Music/Music Outro [from Introducing...]

These are her love songs to music. She said in an interview that when she started writing for this album she still didn't have a center, until she wrote "Music". As any youngster Joss seems like she still haven't found what she's looking for; she described the feeling as a desire for fulfillment, something every human being has and most of us seek for it at the outsides. Joss has declared that when she wrote the song, that finally clicked: music is her Mr. Right. Somehow, if you turn off the cynic corner from your mind, that's inspiring.

"Music" features Lauryn Hill who performs a golden rap about how the art of rhythm is powerfully universal: "exercising anxieties/ fueling entire societies." As for Joss, she takes it to a more upclose and personal perspective ["perspective is everything," says Hill], treating Music as a long-time lover who is her synonym, singing as if she's about to make love with it at the end of the next verse.

"Music Outro" has a more classical sound and emblematic atmosphere; as if she took Hill's rap and transformed into another song with kind of epic-esque organs and horns.

3. Right To Be Wrong [from Mind, Body & Soul]

On her sophomore album Stone took more control over the creative process, having mostly self-penned tracks. That's a risk you take, to open up and hand yourself on a plate for the world to judge you. After TSS hit the world everyone knew she had the voice, but could she handle the pressure of doing something impressive enough to make her stand on? Of course Stone knew about this burden of hopes laid on her, every artist does, and seeming to at least want to shake herself away from that, she wrote this song. A perfect ignition, "Right To Be Wrong" feels like a prayer, as if she's baring herself to the world by saying "you're entitled to your opinion/ but it's really my decision"; that is enough to break any ice: how not to be humbled by a 17-yr-old who turns to you and say that?

2. Bruised But Not Broken/Torn And Tattered [from Introducing.../Mind, Body & Soul]

I cannot resist a good heartbroken ballad. It's beyond my drama-queeness, the sad songs when performed beautifully rock my socks. "Bruised" however isn't simply a sad song; it has a sorrowful melody indeed, but the lyrics are quite hopeful for the Soul and Blues standards. These two genres of music tend to be very melancholic, but "Bruised"'s lyrics, although performed with Joss's most deep tones, are filled with the light that you finally see when you realize you're still alive despite the heartache. "Torn And Tattered" is kind of the opposite. The melody has a cool groove that makes you wanna dance, but the lyrics are all about the recent heartache, still filled with darkness and not a pinch of hope.

I like the fact that they sound like Yin & Yang, completing each other somehow, that's why they're together here.

1. Headturner [from Introducing...]

It's sexy. It's horny. And it sounds like classic R&B. The Respect interpolation is as proper as it is cool, making the song sound like a classic, but still fresh. And talk about the horniness of the lyrics, with Joss playing a kind of cock-teaser, but it's not her fault the guy doesn't move forward and do something. In "Headturner" Joss sounds completely conscious of herself and her power; it's both very mature and confident, which for me is beyond sexy. Anyone who knows his own aura and knows how to attract everyone with it, have my total respect and attention. That's why this song hooked me ever since the very first listening.

Unfinished Business

When the year started I set myself to do monthly interviews with my blogger friends; that lasted two months only due to many reasons that are no longer important now.

Hypothetical conversation between the ho and I:
[The ho is fixing Anna's cereal and I'm having a cup of coffee]

The ho: So when do we do this?

Moi: It all depends on when will you be sober to type? Tomorrow? The day after tomorrow?

The ho: How about tonight, bitch?

Moi: Splendid!

*Lucas dies waiting*

[Song: Crying - Björk]

Horny Birthday!!!

Alright! Alright!! I confess, when I first read Harry Potter and The Sorcerer's Stone I wanted to be the young Potter. I never had a problem with age, so far I never wished I was older nor younger, but as I devoured the pages from that charming book I - a 13-years-old kid - wished I was 11, so I'd be up to receive the Hogwarts' [or any other wizardry school] letter. The thing is, Literature like every other art, when done decently, can not only transport you to wonderful places, but also can bring out from your guts wishes and desires you'd never show to anyone.
Back at my 13's my parents were getting separated and although there was nothing traumatic [for me] in that experience, dreaming of a place that everything could be solved with magic wasn't very hard or not appealing.
If I had started reading the Harry Potter books today I mightn't be as impressed or excited but I don't like being that anachronic. Back then the "Sorcerer's Stone" fascinated me and made me so excited about that world that got me back the passion I had for Literature. J.K. Rowling's narrative is deffinitely not Woolf or Joyce but it's hooking and charming, and though it might not impress an experienced reader so much, it's a marvelous start and incentive for those who are beginning to enjoy the art of words.
But why am I Harry Potter-ing here? Well, for a very cinematical reason. It's true that I already purchased the Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows and am just waiting for it's arrival via mail, but today is Daniel Radcliffe's, the silver-screen Harry Potter, birthday. When I read the books I was already a movie aficionado and was already imagining the film; with, yes I confess, myself on the role of the learn-yearning and pubescent wizard.
But then came Radcliffe who was totally cute but completelly plain on the first movie. But what's interesting is that like Potter, Radcliffe has been acting like a desirous actor, who's willing to go further and to overcome himself at each work. He was slightly better on the 4th movie Harry Potter And The Goblet Of Fire and recently received warming reviews on his effort on Peter Shaffer's Equus recent revival.
The latter got everyone startled with the fact that Harry Potter would appear naked and simulating masturbation on the theatre. Those who weren't startled were obviously horny. That gives away the reason of that title... so, let's all give a hurray for Radcliffe and me for writting one of the most senseless posts ever!![Song: One Day - Björk]

High School Reunion

Yes, I had one last night. Not in the Romy and Michelle's molds; some of the people only got together at the café to judge each other's deeds in the past three and a half years and gossip about [of course] those who weren't there.

For a while I rejected the idea of meeting most of these guys; I've always imagined there wouldn't be anything weirder than that, like meeting monkeys at the zoo and still talking to them; blank conversations, empty smiles etc etc. But I turned out to be very wrong.

When Purki and I arrived we met them inside the café already sat and talkative, we hi-ed everyone and soon forced everyone to sit outside beacuse of our cigarettes. And everything mention above was done, except the fact that there weren't as much ego trip as I thought that would be. Acutally meeting some of them was really comforting and fun; maybe I didn't feel that much because I just started drinking and didn't give a bit of care about ego talks. Which in the end was very funny, beacuse some us ended up going to a party afterwards.

So Lucas [this third person talk thing got me good] remember to relax and just keep being yourself in such moments: a "verbally incontinent spinster who drinks like a fish, smokes like a chimney and dresses like her mother."

[Song: In My Arms - Kylie Minogue]

"Open Up Your Heart"

The comment the ho left on the last entry was [as usually] enlighting. He wrote:

"Life is absolutely beautiful if you take the chance to see it under that light and I think our self deprecation and dqness have stopped being cute and are making us into something we really are not!"

My first reaction was like "bitch where am I being a drama-queen?". But then I asked myself that question.

I've always been a slightly drama-queen person; I've always cried easily, being touched emotionally about things that most people are oblivous about. So, my attitude about those facts told on the last post are Lucas-ly normal, the dqness about my inquisitions lies on the questions themselves. I've always felt proud of my ability of being touched by things to the point of pouring some tears, and there was a time I didn't question it so much, simply let them go and whenever someone questioned me I'd just say "it's beautiful".

These silly inquiries are sometimes, if not mostly, the reason of why I see things depressively; in other words it's my ego working over time to keep me down. So Lucas could try to step back to the time when he only felt things and didn't try to turn them into drama. It's about time I should fuse Björk with Kylie and simply assume it's not up to me and turn it into love.

[Song: It's Not Up To You - Björk]

[Song 2: Turn It Into Love - Kylie Minogue]

In A Sentimental Mood

Yesterday I cried in the end of a beautiful Brazillian movie called The Year My Parents Went On Vacation. Before I had massively cried with Venus like I said a post ago.

Today I felt deeply disturbed while I watched Allen's Interiors; it's not an usual Allen film, not at least like the ones I'm used to see. Allen's movies are always so filled with music and quick dialogues; Interiors however is agonizingly silent and shady. Geraldine Page is amazing as an interior decorator disturbed by divorce; it's amazing how she performed Eve's pale perfection with such a shouting silent sadness that you can't help feeling restless about it. Such feeling hangs on as we follow the lives of her daughters Diane Keaton, Mary Beth Hurt and Kristin Griffth; Hurt is especially mesmerizing as a daughter suffering from the mother's indiference towards her cares.

The movie's constant silence was so disturbing not only for the fact Allen mostly presents himself [in our minds at least] as a musical director [the opening sequence from Manhattan and all of Everyone Says I Love You are heavenly], but also because depression [something that most of the characters seem to suffer from] has exactly the anguish of the silence that precedes the scream, which made me particularly remember of an episode I had in Salvador, when in June Red stayed a weekend at my house and as he and his friends left I was consumed with a silence that, after hours of sleep, exploded into an eloquent cry. That probably just gave me this intense heartburn that hindered any real tears.

The film that really gaves me tears were the following one: The Purple Rose Of Cairo; which is really weird because it is a very cute non-tearjerking comedy, a beautiful love letter to movies. And to have before my eyes the explanation of why I love this art so much was emotionally overwhelming. Mia Farrow is orgasmically natural and thrilling that even the most of cynics can't help loving her sweet innocence towards cinema and life. Her final shot is breathtaking and heartbreaking in levels you cannot exactly explain, which is why I cried.

Later tonight I went out and though loads of laugh filled the atmosphere I still felt somewhat melancholic. When I got home I heard on the news that the plane wreck that happened earlier today in São Paulo killed about 150 people. I cried again.

What is it? Depression I know it's not. It could be the want of romance; or maybe an after-shock from all the latest experiences. Close friends know that it's not unusual for me to cry, but lately I've been running from the easy reasons of this posture. I'm definitely not sad, so why do these tears come at night?

[Song: All Is Full Of Love - Björk]

Which...

... of these:

"Shall I compare thee to a Summer's day?
Thou art more lovely and more temperate:
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,
And Summer's lease hath all too short a date:
Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,
And oft' is his gold complexion dimm'd;
And every fair from fair sometime declines,
By chance or nature's changing course untrimm'd:
But thy eternal Summer shall not fade
Nor lose possession of that fair thou owest;
Nor shall Death brag thou wanderest in his shade,
When in eternal lines to time thou growest:
So long as men can breathe, or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this gives life to thee."
[Shakespeare - Sonnet #18]

"Just like a star across my sky,
Just like an angel off the page, you have appeared to my life,
feel like I'll never be the same,
just like a song in my heart,
just like oil on my hands,
Honor to love you
Still I wonder why it is,
I don't argue like this,
With anyone but you,
we do it all the time,
blowing out my mind"
[Corinne Bailey Rae - Like A Star]
Just being romantically depressed lame...
I watched Venus for the second time today. First time I saw it was in Salvador, with Nina; lovely day, when I wasn't so deep into shitty problems of ego. Today I saw it with dad in this recent post-shit moment - especially after the recent relapse. What first was a cute somewhat romantic comedy, today became a beautiful essay about falling in love amidst loneliness. At first I thought that the film loses its rhythm when it makes more about O'Tootle than itself; I still think it so, but today I could see it only as an average viewer and just enjoyed the story. What happened then? I cried of course.
Guess I got the reds.
[Song: Come To Me - Björk]

Immature

There's always something you can rely. Right now I rely on Björk's ability of bringing me up.
I'm reading this book - I mentioned it before here [and yes ho I'm still reading it cos I'm a slow reader] and the woman left her country still in love with her last boyfriend; but after a moment she decided to let him go and thought she was finally over him, until he'd creep into her veins again and domain her thoughts in the worst of fashions. She fought against it, she succeeded.
Did you spot the relation? So, yeah you know what/who I mean. But in one point, when I drove some of the CCs home, I turned the car's stereo on and guess which song was playing. Yes, "maybe not from the directions you are staring at" indeed!
Lucas didn't get things at first [yes ho you know my slowpokeness], but as soon as he sat in front of this computer he finally connected everything.
So as I see a very dear friend of mine suffering for something he doesn't have and probably never had or will, I can't help seeing myself on him and I can't help feeling sick. He [not my friend, you-know-who] could never replace the missing elements in me and still I wanted to keep fooling myself he could, would and should. Then I see so much energy wasted in the illusion I built myself; and when I look back and remember what's my mind been hanging around [Björk], I finally see she IS the whisper in water she says she is in Bachelorette.
"How extremely lazy of me."
Silly girl, so silly!
And at this moment, I want to remind myself of another woman who has brought me up during that period: come the fuck on Bridget!

[Song: All Is Full Of Love - Björk]

Pan Americano

Two days ago started in Brasil the Pan-American Olympic games. If there is one thing in this country that moves this population towards a fever of patriotism, it's called sport. I of course refuse to go with that flow. This country and its people have serious problems in a 24/7 basis; problems that should touch everyone in a sane and healthy patriotism happen everyday but this same people prefer to ignore them most of the year.

The media also helps a lot. The country's biggest TV company, Globo, part of the government's opposition, creates an aura of self-importance that makes my teeth screech beyond my bruxism. Not that a nation should not be proud of itself through sporting activities, but in Brasil this is the main if not only thing that makes we move our lazy asses from one seat to another on the couch in front of the TV set.

Okay, I'm not reviling on the importance of sport in our lives; but you know the panis et circenses premise. The same media that shouts an arrogant and exaggerated sense of patriotism during sport competitions, claiming that this is the one thing we should be proud of in this country, is the same media that gives disconnected and manipulated informations, make fuss over rumors and unimportant stuff and of course judge news about the country's development unnecessary.

But I do not blame the media only; the media would be shit if the people stood up and raised its own voice. And by people I don't necessarily include those living in favelas or in inhuman living conditions; those are too worried about their stomachs to actually pay attention on such things. What pisses me off is the putrid middle class, that thinks itself so very important, main opinion maker of this country, but isn't capable of looking an inch beyond their noses. These people boo the country's president during the Pan American opening cerimony; these people beat up maids on the streets claiming they're prostitutes [as if prostitutes deserved to be spanked]; they also defend their criminal children by saying "they're promising kids that should not be in jail" [!!!]; they burn indians on the streets because they think he is just a beggar...

I honestly refuse to have my way of thinking connected to that, I'd rather be the most of non-patriots than to be included in the same place of those. I'd rather be an outsider.

[Song: Rhapsody In Blue - George Gershwin]

Shocking Happenstances

Did you ever imagine Lucas in a rock festival? I'm not talking about these new indie craps filled with glam and retro I tend to be fond of sometimes. I'm talking about good old rock 'n' roll with variations from punk to heavy/death metal. Yes, tonight I attented to one and I can say the experience was pretty interesting.

Of course that when I got there I wasn't at all excited since I'm not much of a rock fan. But everyone was supposed to be there so I'd have at least whom to have fun with. And it was like that considering I was quickly waving my head to the hardcore guitar riffs and doing my usual craziness. This will sound very narcissistic but I love the way I'm alwayd up and able to blend in things when I want to. One couldn't easily say I was born in that world of long haired weirdoes, but I could easily be saw as an up for fun person.

But the shocking things I promise to talk about in the title have little to do with that. First, I have a new crush. Hurrah big surprise! There's a new guy in the CC and he's beyond cute and cool and hip and obviously didn't give a damn for me. He has purple hair, but he won me at the moment he appeared wearing a SKIRT! I got a bit envious about his bold fashion statement, but mostly got drawned by his calfs.

However, Lucas having a new crush isn't any of surprising much less shocking. The shocking thing is that I got another crush as well. Okay, are you prepared? You're obviously sat, but I ask you to hold your jaws: my other crush is a girl!

She knows about it, she didn't refuse the idea, and she wasn't drunk as a skunk; but she was with a guy, so Lucas was to be patient. So I guess that's enough said; I'll just have a good night morning of sleep and "who knows what's going to happen"...

[Song: I Go Humble - Björk]

Le Marce Interview

It took a while for my friend Marce, from The Dark Girl's Rhyme, send me the questions but I'm gladly and quickly answering them now.

1. Explain what talent or ability you don’t possess you would like to have.

Singing. I sing all the time; my dad sings okay, my late godmother sang beautifully and I have a dearly cousin, Clarissa, who sings like an angel [except that she's no angel at all]. I've always had a musical upbringing; more than anything else in life we had music in home, constantly. So I've always sung along; if you see me walking by or driving in a silent mode, it might not be me. But there's a problem, I have no vocal technique; sometimes I hear myself and know I don't have a horrible voice, others I just feel glad I'm home alone and nobody's hearing me... okay maybe the neighbors hate me. But I'm sure to do some vocal lessons in the future... I only hope the coach doesn't look at me and feel an unbearable urge to rip his/her ears off.

2. What event in your life, if any, has changed radically your way of thinking?

Among many, probably the most recent and vivid one: the post-teen crisis. Last year when I turned 19, my shrink told me about this mini-crisis that goes over most adolescents' heads; it's basically the fear of growing up, when you get to the age when you are a legal adult [you can buy lawful drugs like alcohol and cigarettes, and be arrested] but in your mind and actions you're still a teen. This is pretty shitty to most people because as you know, we're lazy as fuck and have egos lazy as fuck, so when there's a time of changing we somehow refuse to do so, that's why there's a lot of 18/20-years-old who act like twelves.

When I got to this I was already aware of it so I could recognize some things, like this little fear I have with responsability. The acknowledge of these aspects created my "about me" on the blogger profile [that one at the right-side bar]; in other ways, this crisis [that is still on] helps to look back and see I'm young and still have time to accomplish things, at the same time I look forward and know that even so I haven't got much time to waste.

3. What work of art has had a deep impact in your life? It can be a film, song, painting, book, sculpture, anything.

Since I'm a list whore I'll do a small one to answer this.

- Moulin Rouge turned me into a musicals lover, which had pretty much impact in my life, considering I'm always playing musicals in my head, like Selma: "There is always someone to catch me/When I'd fall."

- The book Sophie's World changed my life; it helped me seeing that this life could be just a tale from someone else's imagination, that could end at anytime and for that I must be present and living all the time. Sounds corny, but it had a damn effect on me... and the book is not a pinch corny.

- Well, I did a while ago a top 5 with the songs that changed my life; if interested just read the Unthinkable Surprises Top 5.
4. Explain the most irrational fear you have.

Spiders. I have no idea when it started; probably one day I just woke up and my brain decided I hated them. Nah, actually I recall that one of my most meaningful childhood traumas was watching the movie Arachnophobia, ever since I don't wear a pair of pants or shoes without shaking them off crazily to see if they're free of these eight-legged monsters. I'm scared of them all, even the tiny useless ones that hasn't enough poison to make a wound, still sting and I know it hurts, even if I never were stung by any.

5. If you were a musician, what kind of band would you have and what kind of music would you play? Name that band.

It'd be a poser band à lá Cansei de Ser Sexy. The performances would be in a rockish-poser form and I'd be the lead singer of course; the job would be performed in the best Madonna style and the repertoire would include, besides our own compositions, pop classics from Madonna [duh], Kylie, Björk and everyone else we liked. The band would be called The Drunkards or The Cigarette Club.

Why I Despize Steven Spielberg And George Lucas

Probably every cinephile has a favorite decade in movie History. Mine's not an exact decade but it's a period that had its peak in the mid 1960's and started to fade a bit after the mid 1970's. Some of my favorite directors, such as Woody Allen, Mike Nichols and Martin Scorcese had their debuts or major hits during this period. Woody had his Annie Hall, Nichols did Who's Afraid Of Virginia Woolf?, while Scorcese had Taxi Driver.

Tonight I watched a film from the very end of this era [which I'll come to definition very soon] that gave me two insights about my movie tastes. The first was the one I started the post with, and the second was the final explanation [at least to me] of my hate towards Steven Spielberg and George Lucas.

The movie I saw was Kramer vs. Kramer [1979, by Robert Benton with heavenly Dustin Hoffman and Meryl Streep]. It's a court-drama about a divorcing couple disputing the custody of their 7-year-old boy; in a first abstraction I instantly liked this movie because of the similarity with my own life. No, my parents didn't go on court to dispute my sister and I, but the reasons Meryl's character leaves her husband for are very similar to the ones my mother left my father for. But it was during the documentary on the bonus material that I had my insight.

Someone [I don't remember if Meryl or producer Stanley R. Jaffe] says that KvK was a very specific movie, about one or two characters and their psyche and very deep feelings about the situations in life, instead of a generic film with more to look at than to think about. Right then I remembered an article I once read in a magazine.

The article talked about an era in film History that sort of started in the 60's with deep psychological dramas, especially historical-dramas, but mainly psychological thrillers and comedies; the latter contained subtle comic elements that actually hid the deepness of the characters. Movies such as Breakfast At Tiffany's followed that premise and reinvented the very basis of the usual dramedy. As for the thrillers, the world saw the decade rise with the masterpiece of the genre Hitchcock's Psycho and we also had classics as Polanski's Rosemary's Baby. These films talked mostly about human behavior; but it's the way they did it that fascinates me the most. The dramatic and psychological thrillers were more deep plunges into the characters' disturbed minds than shocking and superficial sensorial exploitation. Marvelous pieces such as Alan J. Pakula's Klute and Brian de Palma's Carrie were delivered and also classics like the unforgettable A Clockwork Orange and "Taxi Driver".

But as the times and society changed, along came the 1980's with its vibrant superficiality that seemed like people didn't think that going deeper was interesting anymore. [I believe these era is still on.] But it was in the mid 70's that this new way of dealing with art and life hit the cinemas, with the catastrophe cinema. And which was the big 1975 catastrophe hit that was like a fancy exploitation films springoff? Yup, Spielberg's Jaws. A while before we had the phenomenon called The Exorcist, that was more about spinning heads, bad hair and green vomit than a deep character study. These tragic and dumb movies became a fever, along with the visually psychotic Star Wars.

I'm not by any means saying these films aren't worth a damn, after all they saved the industry from brankruptcy [said the magazine article]; but they put to an end the era of technically great films with deep content. Of course I'm not that naive by saying Spielberg and Lucas killed the human behavior movies, but I need scapegoats for society's shallow turn. So I guess it's them.

Miss O'Hara

That's how she imprited herself into our minds, even if in the course of her life she was Mrs. Hamilton, Mrs. Kennedy and, at last, Mrs. Butler. This woman, despite her time and her marriages, took the courses of her own life and lived it the way she thought she should to survive.

It's a marvel to watch the presumptuous teenager, sorrounded by a dozen of boys who worshipped her, becoming a woman, probabaly as conceited as the girl, or even more. Scarlett with her mischievous ways, marrying men to hurt others or to dig herself and her family out of poverty could be the prototype of your current everyday anti-hero. She's snobby, prejudiceful, headstrong and sometimes very annoying; but one cannot help falling for a figure who lives her life so close to the edge.

All her shortcomings are so real and close to us that if we strip down our hypocrite masks we can see our really selves reflected on her. And if you permit yourselves a little bit further, you will find your guts being envious of her drive, at the same time you curse her for being so stubborn. But that's when catharsis happens because at the time you will catch yourself hating her, you will also be realizing you are exactly like her; concealing real feelings for the sake of pride and ego.

But it's inicially the things Miss Scarlett accomplish in her life that turn her into such an outstanding woman. She went from southern preppy girl to powerful businesswoman, confronting the society's patterns, shocking people by simply being herself and doing what she wanted, not what was expected. [The ball scene when she dances with Rhett is genius!] Maybe, if it weren't for Scarlett O'Hara there wouldn't be Eves, Eliza Doolittles, Holly Golightly... maybe not even Madonna!!

Of course that great deal of this immortality is credited to wonderful Viven Leigh. If her portrayl of Scarlett wasn't so delightful the whole thing could've been doomed. Leigh being so subtle at times and incredibly outspoken and dramatic at others created an aura, a charisma around her Scarlett that prevented us from being annoyed by her all the time.

The way O'Hara jumps onto things, nailing the opportunities life puts before her seems totally evident to Leigh, who performs as if there is no limit between actor and character. She IS that southern belle and no one can be convinced otherwise.

[Song: Cocoon - Björk]

Gone With The Wind

"As God is my witness, as God is my witness they're not going to lick me. I'm going to live through this and when it's all over, I'll never be hungry again. No, nor any of my folk. If I have to lie, steal, cheat or kill. As God is my witness, I'll never be hungry again."

As intermission goes by I wonder if there ever will be a more human heroine such as Miss Katie Scarlett O'Hara.

I'll be back right after the end.

Meme Fever

I got this other one also from Joe's Movie Corner, so here we go.
1. Where is your mobile phone? Bag.
2. Relationship? Inexistent.
3. Your hair? Marvelous.
4. Work? Lazy.
5. Your sister(s)? Silly.
6. Your favourite thing? Music.
7. Your dream last night? What?
8. Your favourite drink? Vodka.
9. Your dream car? Anyone.
10. The room you're in? Dad's office.
11. Your shoes? Havaianas.
12. Your fears? Spiders.
13. What do you want to be in 10 years? Writer.
14. Who did you hang out with this weekend? CC.
15. What are you not good at? Math.
16. Muffin? YES!!!
17. Wish list item? Kylie.
18. Where you grew up? Everywhere.
19. The last thing you did? Smoked.
20. What are you wearing? Pajamas.
21. What are you not wearing? Wig.
22. Your pet? Which?
23. Your computer? Slow.
24. Your life? Awesome!
25. Your mood? Normal.
26. Missing? Romance.
27. What are you thinking about? Chocolate.
28. Your car? Siena.
29. Your kitchen? Far.
30. Your summer? Saudade.
31. Your favourite colour? Black.
32. Last time you laughed? Dunno.
33. Last time you cried? Dunno either.
34. School? Boring.
35. Love? Bitch!
[Song: Unison - Björk]

8 Things

Soooo... I got tagged to this meme by J.D. from Joe's Movie Corner, which came in a good time because there are a few things from the last couple days that I wished to blog about, so... meh let's get it started at once.

THE RULES

1. All right, here are the rules.

2. We have to post these rules before we give you the facts.

3. Players start with eight random facts/habits about themselves.

4. People who are tagged write their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.

5. At the end of your blog, you need to name eight people to get tagged and list their names. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.

THE THINGS

1. Yesterday [the 10th] was Red's birthday. I called him in the morning with my usual bitchy/sarcastic tone to wish him happiness, blablabla and ask him out for the night. He kinda played the blasé [at least he sounded as such], but I didn't blow on the wind of his ego flame this time. At night, Purki and I took him from his course and we headed to the café for a hang out. Thing is that I've seen him little ever since I got back here; he's been home mostly and refusing our going out calls, and I'm simply not insisting so much, because of self-protection and also for not "blowing on the wind".

But tonight as I looked at him across the table, I finally felt free. I realized that all the terrible feelings I nurtured towards him the last couple months were suddenly gone. I feel like I completed the seemingly impossible task of collecting myself back together. As I said, free.

2. The day before yesterday I told Purki to spend the next six months at my house in Salvador if the college thing didn't work out. So, confession time: I got a bit more excited than the normal with the idea. Cold shower: the college thing worked out. I'm happy for him, but it'd be cool to have him there for some months.

3. I had Ecstasy at the rave party I went last weekend. It was a quarter of it actually and the effect took hours to come because I had swallowed it, instead of sucking. It came and lasted less than an hour; I got oversensitized, saw the colors even brighter like fire and the music waves throbbed on my skin in a way I cannot describe. I won't lie, it felt amazing.

4. Ever since I got here I've been smoking less. I'm not allowed to smoke in the house and I'm too lazy to go out all the time to smoke, besides I'm avoiding smoking around dad so I don't have to listen to preaching.

5. I realized that day by day my bitterness is becoming a more honest thing. You see, before I used to pretend I was okay about something just not to hurt people; but that usually led me to bitterness and stress. Recently I realized that I'm letting clear what I find amusing or not, funny or not, interesting or not. Not that I'm a total bitch; just half one.

6. When I was a kid I used to be alone a lot, staging at-the-moment invented plays for invisible audiences. The plots were usually about romance, or some crazy and wild adventure with monsters, bullies and loads of magic. I was always very shy so nobody ever knew about my solitary diversions; but now that you know, can you see anything else for me than the artistic career, whether writing or acting?

7. I love the fact that I can be trully drama-queenish sometimes. I realized early in life that if you assume the wound and embrace it to the point of letting it hurt and bleed till its exhaustion, one moment you'll get used to it and it'll stop hurting.

I'm reading this book about a woman who, in a year, travels to Italy, India and Indonesia in the search for everything in life; in a certain chapter she describes the vipassana meditation in which you stay hours in the same position without moving, no matter how uncomfortable your body might get during the period.

The metaphor is that in life we are always jumping like monkeys, trying to run away from the uncomfortable and the pain; but we forget that every little thing in our lives happens for a reason and are there to be understood and pondered. By acknowledging the hurt and letting it be, instead of look for desperatre measures to cover it, we learn how to deal with it; better: we push our limits further.

8. I'm a really slow reader and hate that. But I guess it's just how I am so I'm through with trying to read faster. Whenever I try I get lost and understand nothing from what I've read.

And I tag:

Alea Toria Est

Desavergonhada

Like A Blogger

Misconcepciones De La Mente Humana

Rasgando As Vestes De Elena Bennet

Sem Papel

The Dark Girl's Rhyme

The Ho

[Song: Hyper-Ballad - Björk]

"A Girl Has Got To Eat!"

That's what happens when the Cigarette Club drives around the town. Surely no one is safe!

My Other Live Earth Babe

With her violet hair and beautiful hippie-ish dress, the barefooted Joss Stone took my breath away with her Live Earth performances. As simple as her own image, the gig was just beautiful Joss and the amazing band performing songs from her new album and the amazing Right To Be Wrong, getting some warming applauses from the Johannesbourg crowd. Here are my favorite moments of hers.

Top 5 Moments of Madonna At The Live Earth

*breathes relieved*

To say that I had completely lost my faith in Madonna after the dreadful Hey You is way too dramatic, even for me. The fact is I've been very anti-Madonna ever since that crap was released, being swayed only by some good old ballads and a bunch of 80's/90's non-hits. So I guess it's no news I wasn't a single bit excited about her performance on the London leg of the Live Earth concerts yesterday. So much I didn't hesitate in going to a rave in a nearby town [Itapetinga] instead of staying home and watching the concerts, something I would surely have done back on my Madge-obsessed days... and I'm not very fond of rave parties, just for the record.

Before it, while we ate at a bar in Itapetinga we saw on the news flashes from the concerts all over the world, including the Hey You and Ray Of Light performances; first thoughts from everyone "wow she's gorgeous," but then we didn't pay much attention since it's a common sense in The Cigarette Club that we hate Hey You.

However, today I obviously looked up for the videos on the YouTube and I feel as if a huge guilt has been taken off of my shoulders. [Yes, I'm on drama-queen mode.] You see, even though I act bitchy and careless about it, a fear always got me whenever I thought of Hey You and how it got me bored about almost everything related to Madonna. Even the up and coming news about her next album weren't able to put me in a more optimistic perspective.

The LE performances didn't make me totally excited about her forthcoming stuff, but reminded me of why she's G-d. Here are my favorite things about them:

5. Addie Yungmee

She's been working with Madge since the 2001 Drowned World Tour [she's that erotic contortionist from the Candy Perfume Girl performance, for those who have seen the show] and for me it's always a pleasure to look at her. She's exotic and beautiful and has such an aura whenever she's there strutting her stuff with Madge. To see her again on the LE with less limited stage-time made me cum. Some people love that Cloud-crap [the only man on the left pic], I prefer Addie's sexy and kind of hypnotic persona.

4. Hung Up

I realized it's always a pleasure to hear this song; anywhere and anytime. And man how HOT that bitch looks humping that radio!!

3. The Voice

I once talked to the ho that what mostly pained me in Hey You was her voice. It's beyond perfect and wasted on that annoying thing! But in studio Paris Hilton can become Maria Callas, so it was the live performance that would make the test. And oh gawd, all the high notes sung with perfection, not losing the control of her voice for a single second and still looking so effortless! And I must confess that that made Hey You grow a little bit in me... *hides*

2. Gogol Bordello

This New York City's Lower East Side's gypsy-punk band has contributed with three songs for her upcoming short movie Filth And Wisdom, and lead singer Eugene Hütz stars it. Well, since Madonna is known for showing off [in a good way] whenever she's excited about something, she invited two of the eight band members, Eugene and violinist Sergey Ryabstev, to the show. Their featuring was so damn cool that it made me excited about "Filth And Wisdom" and listening more of their quirky sound, that was greatly important for choosing my #1 moment of Madge's gig.

1. La Isla Bonita

Forget Hey You with the corny Mariah Carey-esque children choir [although those children were so cute - the one Madge sings sided with at the very ending looks so happy to be with her], and the boring Confessions Tour revamp from Ray Of Light. The lucky star from Madonna's set on the UK leg from the Live Earth was [as I like to say] La Isla Gostosa!

This was when Gogol Bordello came up on the stage and what a helluva performance they did. Her interaction with them was so sexy and fun to watch that it was then, at that very moment I knew my love for her is miles away from diminishing. The melody arrangement was similar from the CT's but Bordello's quirky guitar, violin and Rumanian vocals turned the song into an orgasmic celebration of latin cultural miscegenation [the Rumanian is a neo-latin language]. Okay, there's only one way you knowing what I'm poorly trying to describe. [Re]Watching it!

Dear G-d...

...just please enlighten my head so it can have the power over my hormones and I don't do that thing I feel like doing; because even though we agree that it could be cool at some point, all the afterwards will be just as messy and fucked up. Well, maybe not... but really G-d, after the last four months... I know they were my fault, but I don't wanna go through that all over again. Uhg G-d... you know what I'm talking about right byotch!!

Amem.

[Song: Like Someone In Love - Björk]

The Greatest Star

Alright, I planned a big pompous kind of presumptuous post about my current movie obsession; but you see, I'm so busy getting drunk and fat that I'll just cut to the important part: Julia Roberts rocks the hell of my socks!!
Today I saw again Erin Brockovich and man how she deserved that Oscar. Burstin was dang perfect in Requiem, but [1st] she already had a golden naked man and [2nd] that movie didn't deserve any Oscar [u.u]. I love how messy her hair always looks and how ungraceful her walk on those heels is; from all the de-glamed Oscar winners from 2000-2004 she and Nicole are the only ones [imo] that really deserved to win.

So now, as I feel like watching all movies from her I can get close from [I'll of course delay Notting Hill as much as possible cos I know it'll kill me], I can only say how beautiful, sexy, marvelous, luminous, subtle and lovely she is!! She's surely on my movie divas altar.

[Song: She - Elvis Costello]

"You Don't Need Love"

The funniest thing is that it turned out to be easier than I fooled myself it was.

I'm in Conquista since Monday and I've seen him only once. Tonight. Not that I don't miss him, nor that I haven't called him asking him out; but as days go by and I think less of him in that way we know I shouldn't, I see how easy it is not to love him. I know everything happens at their time, but it finally feels good and liberating to really just see him as a friend. I won't rush in saying I'm cured, but the fact I'm already willing to get new men might be the prove that my heart is again ready for another heartbreak.

Oh G-d no no no you know I'm just kidding!!!

[Song: We Don't Care About The Old Folks - Peter, Bjorn and John]

"Unthinkable Surprises" Top 5 [The 300rd Post]

I spent the last two days procrastinating this post; not the top 5, but the third hundred post of this blog. I remember that when I decided to return to the blogging world I wasn't so excited; I did it because the ho convinced me it could be a good thing. I'm not very good in counting things, that's surely why I'm majoring in Literature; I, for instance, just realized this blog is 2-years-old two days ago, by re-reading its very first post. But the posting numbers... well Blogger does that for me, so to celebrate my 300rd posting on this blog was just a question of planning. And from the not so excited beginning, Life's A Bitch became one of the most important and thrilling things from my daily routine, helping me to grow as a human being and especially as a writer.

Yes, I was procrastinating again. But now here I go with the 5 songs that have enlightened me to the point of changing my life.

But first, an honorable mention:

Björk - Surely there will be a couple of songs from this woman on this list [and you know which are the others who will feature as well], but it easilly could be all about her. Ever since I became a fan, Björk's melodies and lyrics have broadened my view on poetry in music, but mostly important, in life. With a premise of always writing optimistic songs, she has delivered a marvelous collection of songs that not only inspire you with the positive approach of living, but also move you emotionally. Some huge songs of hers will not be on the official top 5, but have same importance in my life; such as: All Is Full Of Love, Human Behavior, Isobel, Bachelorette, Oceania, I See Who You Are, It's In Our Hands, and the list goes on.

Top 5:

5. I Believe In You by Kylie Minogue

Kylie has the wrong fame of being a shallow pop singer. Whoever clicks on the "kylie minogue" label on this blog, though, and read all my postings dedicated to her, will be surely convinced she's no such thing; or simply download this song and you notice there's a surprising depth hidden under the all-over-the-place image.
This song's lyrics play with the opposites, but it's the incredulity declared on the verses that stricks me the most. I am and have been a cynic; not the evil kind I think, just the self-deprecating one. So, I strongly identify with the all "I don't believe"'s she declares on the verses. But guess what touched me deeply about this song? Yes, the leap of faith of the chorus. Every no wants to be a yes, every cynic wants to believe... Minogue's beautiful vocals chant the message that even the hardest of unbelievers has and wants something to believe in.

4. Unison by Björk

"Born stubborn me/Will always be/Before you count/One two three/I will have grown my own private branch/Of this tree/You gardener/You discipliner/Domestically/I can obey all of your rules/And still be, be/I never thought I would compromise/Let's unite tonight/We shouldn't fight/Embrace you tight/Let's unite tonight"

Do I really need to say more? But okay I will. This song brings me chills I cannot exactly describe; of course that they culminate on tears rolling down my face, as you probably have guessed, but the process is not so simple as that.

Unison is a song that could easily be the hymn of the UNO, if it really followed its original principles. I guess that what pokes me the most about this song is the fact that its message is fully discussed nowadays; the sense of union in the advantage of a common welfare is a longtime desired humankind's idea; but History has proved that it's been so hard to reach, not because of the hardness of the task, but the reluctancy of the human beings in letting go of our egos and sing in unison. So, when I listen to this song and it makes this beautifully hard task sound so simple as gorgeous, I can't help tears rolling down.

3. Chocolate by Kylie Minogue

You probably wondered what kind of depth there is in such song. I'll tell ya: Chocolate taught me to be patient on love, especially when it comes to my pickiness. "Oh, waited so long/I thought the real thing was a fake/I thought it was a tool to break me down/You proved me wrong again", as a sometimes cynic on love this song makes me tap to my hopeful side about it... even though sometimes it hurts.

But what I really learned from this song is that there's no limit on transforming the camp into something really artsy and classic-esque, especially when it's done by Minogue. With all the Jazz flirts Minogue proves she can do any style, adapting her voice to anything she puts herself through. What's the bottomline about this? Never underestimate geniuses.

2. It's Not Up To You by Björk

Well, I just think the lyrics are self-explanatory, check them out:

"I wake up/And the day feels/Broken/I tilt my head/I'm trying to get an angle/'cause the evening/I've always longed for/It could still happen/How do I master/The perfect day/Six glasses of water/Seven phonecalls/If you leave it alone/It might just happen/Anyway/It's not up to you/Oh it never really was/If you wake up/And the day feels/Ah broken/Just lean into the crack/And it will tremble/Ever so nicely/Notice/How it sparkles/Down there/I can decide/What I give/But it's not up to me/What I get given/Unthinkable surprises/About to happen/But what they are/It's not up to you/Well it never really was"

This song reassured in me a known concept, the one brought into my life by the 1st song from this list...

1. The Power Of Good-Bye by Madonna

No kidding: this song saved my life. In a moment I was dealing with a million trouble at the same time, like growing up and getting apart from my parents' concepts of life, my sexuality etc etc, this song concreted into my life the idea that nothing lasts forever, therefore, we must learn to embrace the power of good-bye. Once we know that life is filled with meaningful passages that have a begining, a middle and en end we know how to deal with life's obstacles better.

Even if there's a gloomy atmosphere about this song [it's about the end of an affair], for me it has only brought hope and faith that every death in life is the begining of something else new and fragile, that must be taken care of, so we have to adieu the previous one.

"Unthinkable Surprises" [Top 5 Intro]

I'm going to Conquista in some minutes, so there will be only time to write this intro.

Besides home, some people learn from school, others from the streets; some learn from books, others form the TV set; generally we're learning all the time from all kinds of sources. But there's always one you tend to mostly get from, one you always have beautiful epiphanies with, more than any other. In my case, "music gets the best of me"... no matter how corny I get sometimes. So, here I'll list the songs that somehow changed my perspective on life and its categories.

[Song: Unison - Björk]