Que Será, Será

If you ask me what is my dream I'll say "I want to be a respected and famous actor." This dream still persists but I've been so far and I've been to so many places and have experienced so many stuffs about myself in the past two years that I don't know exactly what I want anymore.

Nah, actually, let's say I realized now that I have many dreams; every New Year's Eve I somehow end up by myself, apart from everyone and then I have my new year's epiphanies or initial daydreams and wishes. From 2005 to 2006, right after the year shift I realized/decided 2006 would be my "coming out" year; I went to gay clubs, got boys, came out of the closet for a lot of people including my parents etcetera.

This year, after a semi-argument with Alais I took a stroll on the beach as the first day of the year dawned; I felt free and secure of myself. As I watched the first rays of sunlight burning the chilly waters of the sea I felt this amazing afterglow, a feeling of security that 2007 will be a year of accomplishment and paving. I'm keeping myself from having high hopes, but I'm sure that Salvador will do me great.

One day, I went to the Solar Do Unhão in Salvador to see Volver; it was near sunset and I completely fell in love with that city - like huge crush. There's something so mischievous about Salvador: it's like that wacko and hip friend you love spending time with but you know you can't completely trust, but you don't refuse his company at all; like the dark corner you know you should not turn, but you certainly do because it's the shortcut home. You see everything there, from the beautiful scenarios to the anguishing situations; and I've been to São Paulo quite a few times, the supposed "diversity city" of my country, it's not half as mesmerizing as Salvador. I love São Paulo's stiff and beautiful buildings the genius architectures and the fact it never sleeps; but it's far from having the je ne sais quoi and swing Salvador has. São Paulo is grey, while Salvador is beyond colorful.

As I came closer to the Solar's pier and I saw that huge orange ball touching the water with its million golden magic needles, illuminating not only the ocean but everyone around's smiles and countenances, making them all look absolutely beautiful even if they weren't so much, I felt like home. "How could it hurt you when it looks so good?"

So, when I felt the beach wind caressing my face in the first morning of 2007 I felt excited to go back to Salvador, and for good to put my life on tracks there, live that town, know it and inject it into my veins. I'm excited about reassuring my dreams, or renewing them; having new experiences, that I don't exactly expect them to be good and/or totally pleasurable, I just want to have them in that new and somewhat hostile [because it's new] environment.

"Que será, será. Whatever will be, will be."

[Song: Smile - Lily Allen]

Oh Itacaré...

... now that I'm back to dull Conquista I'm sure gonna miss Itacaré. All about it.

Okay not all...

Of course I won't miss the naughty unwanted morning rains...

the camping tents with holes...

the camping!!! [Uhg how I love my bed! Or any other soft and smooth one!]...

the icky camping neighbours...

the cell phone thieves...

the annoying reggae music...

the fact that it was impossible to have clean feet there...

the fact that it was impossible to have decent hair there...

But uhg all those gringos...

the summer feeling...

the beaches with that thin sand that makes the most delicious and relaxing sound when you step on it [a mix of chain-clang and dry cloth on semi-wet glass]...

the delightful brunches at Caramelo...

the hot German from brunch time that I'm sure was gay but way out of my league...

the heat [!]...

the crazy summer friends I'll never meet again [not the same way and with the same beach-mood]...

the mojitos...

the guiltless cigarettes..

the drunken and high evenings...

the pot [yes the pot!]...

the Prada...

the humos...

the fried egg-plant...

the hot Isreali...

the cosmopolitan-esque restaurants...

all of these things and some other more I can't think of right now will be missed and willing to be repeated.

[Song: How We Used To Live - Saint Etienne]

The First Day Of The Rest Of The Year [?]

[click the links for pics.]

I stormed out of the camp tent having the thick raindrops pounding all over my body, but the moment I arrived there I desperatedly realized that what I ran to save just couldn't be saved.

The moment me and Alais decided to come to Itacaré we vowed to have fun despite of our little inner craps [she about a boy and me about where to stay]. The first day [Friday, December 29] here was a marvel after an incredibly tiresome, stressful but still fun bus trip; there were some people from Conquista in the bus and in town my dread was accomplished when we didn't find any decent-cheap inn to check in... in other words we had to camp. Later we walked by one of the gorgeous beaches and ended sleeping on the sand, feeling the ocean breeze. We were so tired we couldn't exactly define if we were actually having fun as we danced to surf music and had bad wine with a couple of cool girls from our town that we met at night.

The following day we met the guys from the bus [a bunch of funny and cool queens] and we went to this distant beach where we had to go through an inside forest track to arrive. I felt that that almost-an-hour walk through hills, mud, trees and horrend spider-webs was worth it when I finally saw what awaited us. After hours burning under the sun we went back to town to have coffee and drinks but Alais and I ended up sleeping early: she was really tired, I was bored. By the end of that day we were already considering in returning home earlier than planned [January 3] because to spend 5 following days listening to boring reggae [not nasty but fun reggaeton] and forró; we were in the desire for some rave parties that were so in the year before [as she had told me], but all we had so far were those mostly-sleepy rhythms and an inexplicable avoidance to booze.

So the last day of the year came and I was already hating our camp neighbours; the motherfuckers spent the whole days smoking pot and listening to [uhg] reggae, Nirvana and hideous 80's Brazilian rock music. We woke up really late and after getting some money we decided to wait for that last day to decide if we should go back earlier. We strolled on the beach after eating like pigs [the main thing we managed to do well ever since] and drolling on hot tourists and an Isreali restaurant-owner; we met the cool girls again at the Beach and decided to have some mojitos and flirt with the hot percussionist that was playing. Talk about fun! I couldn't believe we were finally getting our wishes for the weekend; the musicians sat with us on the table and the heavy flirting started. Alais thought he was gay [which gave me a glow] but I instantly managed to notice that his somewhat sweet and feminine voice was due to his accent. Juliana and Alais started to flirt with him while Geisa, Tadeu [that had called in minutes before] and I had enthusiastic and inflamed conversations about art, politics and... pot! I at last got high with that; my previous try-outs weren't so succesful about the effect of the herb in me but that time it got through and hell it was heavenly! I felt happy and crazy to dance and sing and laugh and have fun. We stayed at the beach until 10 p.m. when we ran to eat and shower. As usual we got late and the year-turn was spent at the camp, but later we had the craziest and wildest fun! I got drunk and high as I no longer remembered how; we met some crazy girls drinking vodka and coke and of course we joined them, dancing at a heavenly electro-salsa [finally a reggae-less] party!! At some point Alais passed out but we kept having fun till morning, when I entered the camp and started the upseting first day of the year.

As I tied up to rest for a while I plugged my cell phone to recharge; I got into the tent to read during it but ended up passing out. Suddenly the early mentioned rain woke me up and I ran to keep my phone from getting wet. I there realized I didn't have to bother because it wasn't there anymore! Uhg, yeah my $500 reais cell phone was stollen. I actually myself for being so idiot in getting asleep and leaving the the thing there, and then I hate everything else. It nudged us to buy a bus ticket for tomorrow and of course my mind blames the coke-head pot-eater camp-neighbours. The day has been the dullest so far being compensated only by Miranda Priestly's devilish [and inspiring] behavior and the prospect of getting heavy drunk again tonight.

[Song: Heart Failed - Saint Etienne]