Bad Timing

You know in this post I was supposed to tell how the author of the comment was revealed; in other words I was to talk about the rave I went last Sunday. I will, but not specifically.

Last night I went out to get drunk with the guys. The guys were a friend of mine, the Comment guy and his friends from college. I was an hour late and as soon as I arrived where they were, they paid the bill and we headed to another bar; they were all tipsy and it looked like The Alcoholic Tour 2007; the bar we stopped was this cheap place, actually a house where we went straight to the most hidden room. We were all sat and being loud as drunkards should be and somehow He and I ended up sitting by each other's side; I was nervous of course, you see I'm very outspoken and to-the-point with lust, but need I to say that daydreamings have much little to do with lust?

The atmosphere was sort of tense as they were left by themselves. Lucas had anticipated that moment for a while, it was his chance to get things started for real. But suddenly all his wittiness and slyness seemed to have gotten out of the room with the rest of their friends. Lucas mumbled and stuttered something, He kept looking at Lucas waiting for what he was to speak; Lucas pretended amnesia, he couldn't simply talk about his thoughts of the last days, his daydreaming and obsession. What if He decided to run away in the other direction?

As I said, I like taking the lead of things; controlling is what I mean. I'm the guy who goes straight to the point and say what I mean [with my usual metaphors and bitterness of course], I'm the crotch-grabber, the eager kisser... but there, at that moment all of this vanished away, I was just a guy with this huge feeling of possibility, desperately wanting his brain to work and create some cheap talk for that awkward hour. As you all know as well, I'm a lazy person; I don't care in doing the job when I must do it but when someone offers to do it for me it's a party!

He insisted in knowing what Lucas meant to say with the grunts; the latter hating inspiration for running dry at that odd moment just smiled and bit his lower lip; you might say this was a slutty move to make an impression, but Lucas bit his lower lip all the time, okay! And this time was more a sign of nerves than seduction. But suddenly He just came close, approached his head towards Lucas who felt this huge carnival inside of him and then they kissed.

He held my hand; after we kissed he held my hand; this might sound ordinary to you but it was new to me, no other guy had held my hand before. There's a part of me that never cared for that stuff, my Samantha Jones self was always pleased when they grabbed my ass so when he held my hand I didn't know how to react, so I just smiled and responded the gesture.

After they were kicked out of the bar [it was closing] they headed towards the same direction. Then Lucas felt this amazing feeling, because conversation flew normally. No weird silences, no out of sudden subjects, everything in the best of stream of consciousness way. They made out on every dark corner on the path, they talked about everything. Lucas mentioned the comment, saying how lovely it was; He thought Lucas would think it was cliché and corny. How could it be? Okay, it was bit cliché but a well conducted one, after all it had mystery enough to make Lucas feel curious and excited about it. "A secret admirer! I have a secret admirer, how cool is that!" He stepped back in time, in the first time they met in Spiritual Camp [don't ask!] 5 years ago. Lucas and his memory of course didn't remember him; "of course you wouldn't remember! I was just this 13-year-old brat asking you Shakira's album! But I liked you right there... you jumping in the pool with Alais playing around, you looked so cute. And I remember feeling all fuzzy when you sat by my side during one of the prayers," He told, making Lucas obviously melt; the things you notice and the things you don't. Lucas would've never thought of him as the writer of that comment, honestly Lucas didn't exactly remember him.

We sat on a bench under a tree in front of his condominium and we talked more; I mouthed around speaking in my usual Lorelai Gilmore way. Everything was great and cute; I felt romantic but not mellow, realizing we had a lot in common like sarcasm and irony ["everyone who hates irony should die!"] and I couldn't help but thinking of what a bad timing this all was happening... me going to Salvador by the end of the week. Uhg! But you know what fuck it! I could choose not to go through it, but then I wouldn't be feeling this cool. It might be bad timing, but it's the time we have and I'm gonna enjoy it! At least I won't be filled with regret for have let it go when I had the chance to hold it. Fuck bad timing!

Lucas: "I was hit by 3 guys at the rave, but none of them had intersted me. I don't know why..."

He: "I love the way you dance!! So free and careless... your hair, your smile, your lips. You were beyond cute that night."

Lucas: "You're kidding me? I dance like a cuckoo whore!"

He: "No you don't!"

Lucas: "You were the cute one! I remember looking at you in the morning and realizing at that moment that I wanted you."

Maybe you [aka I] could say we're late, after all the comment was posted almost a year ago. But who said that Saturday is our deadline? It's not like we're dying anytime soon, and it's not like we're already dating, to the point of having to maintain a distant relationship. So like everything else in my life, I'll jump on it. No I'm not letting go of my control freakness, but maybe it won't hurt to pause it for a while.

Let it will be...

[Song: Hug My Soul - Saint Etienne]

Bitchy Talk

In 2007 I decided to interview bloggers I read, friends and people I admire. Actually it's not a convetional interview and it's more of a conversation between two friends. Since this is a blog about Lucas [moi] bitching about life and everything else, there is of course a bitchy outline on the talk [then the post title - lame, I know].

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As my first guest I chose Marcela, from The Dark Girl's Rhyme. If it weren’t for the ho we would have never known each other, but he’s not the only thing in common between us. The girl behind the dark rhyme is this lovely Honduran Gemini who instantly caught my attention with her intricate and auto-analytic posts mixed with pop-culture elements and Architecture [!]. Her intelligence and talent are always prominent on her words, sometimes inspired and/or swayed by geniuses like Tori Amos, Björk and Damien Rice. Marce’s in the search of her own voice and place in the world [*hi5* Marce!], she’s always friendly but when she feels bored she breathes and look inside herself to pick the next road.

A while before we started this she was listening to Judy Garland’s The Man That Got Away. I asked “aren’t you dying” and she agreed how amazing it is. We have the same story with the song: the first time we ever heard it was on a Gilmore Girls episode and it instantly took and broke our hearts; we didn’t even know the existence of each other back then, but somehow it got us connected.

)( Lucas Bradshaw)( I'm looking in the space...: 1st lemme start by my usual question: what are u listening right now?

words are trivial: nothing! it’s awful, I wanted to concentrate on your questions.

LB: ohh don’t mind me, I bet Jose scared u. I’m not gonna make u cry like Barbara Walters.

WAT: he told me exactly that!

LB: I know he did that bitch. Then tell me about the bitchy part of your routine, the moments you most feel like a bad girl.

WAT: well, to be perfectly honest, my bitchy moments are tiny innocent things, like in my group of friends I’m always deciding what we are going to do. I’m a control freak, but I fight with it. I’m very bossy with people around me. I try to be all zen, but yeah it’s hard.

LB: we should make a club, some sort of ACF = Anonymous Control Freaks; and do daily meetings.

WAT: yes!!!

LB: well, it prolly wouldn’t work you know...

WAT: everyone would want to impose their views.

LB: what do you most dislike in people?

WAT: I don’t like people who are arrogant for no reason, I mean when they don’t have the talent or intelligence to back up their pretension (I confess some people are very confident, and that’s very appealing). I hate when someone doesn’t stick to their word.

LB: do you always stick to your word?

WAT: I can’t say I always do, but when I fail there’s always something bigger than me, that’s not on purpose.

LB: I admire that on people too and always try to follow that premise as well. What I most admire is that when one admits they’re wrong; it's not as hard as it seems and it should be done always… we'd all get along better.

WAT: I totally agree with you. It shows a level of humility so rare in people.

LB: you’ve said things I read on Jane Fonda's autobiography. She says that we should find our voices and speak for ourselves; what do you think of Jane Fonda, Marce?

WAT: well, all I know about her is what I learned on her E! True Hollywood Story. What struck me the most is how passionate she is about things; she puts all of herself without holding back… she commits. She develops a kind of confidence that you can’t help but gravitate towards her.

LB: do you have any film obsession? [Confess, you saw that coming!]

WAT: I kind of expected it. Closer, I have watched it a million times. I think it’s very accurate about human nature and the cruelty in love relationships. It doesn’t hurt that the film is beautifully done either.

LB: I totally agree. When I first watched it I felt shocked, the emotions are so intense and everything goes through our eyes in such a rapid [but still slow] pace that you at first don't know what hits you.

WAT: my favorite thing about it is that it concentrates on average people, there are no great impossible circumstances here. And it’s 99% dialogue, I love that!

LB: I don’t even have to ask if The Blower's Daughter is your favorite song. Do I?

WAT: actually it’s not.

LB: I miss… Which is your favorite song then?

WAT: Björk’s Hunter.

LB: uhg I never heard it.

WAT: you have to listen to it, it’s perfect! It’s so empowering, yet humble and the beat is kind of architectural. So great! I’m sure you’ll love it.

LB: I neglect Björk a lot, some people gave me traumas about her. [Like: I was Björk friendly, until I knew some fans of her and they were so annoying I transferred it to the poor woman.] Do you have any crazy trauma? Or am I the only wacko like that?

WAT: you know you’re not the first one who tells me that about Björk. I know her whole image can be a little over the top, but she’s actually a great musician. She rejects the whole folky guitarsy thing and wants to create something completely different.

LB: that’s what I initially most loved about her, she reinvents herself in ways no other does. Do you have big dreams Marce?

WAT: yes, of course! But they are always changing.

LB: what are the current ones then?

WAT: right now I dream of becoming a great architect and a huge writer. I don’t know how that will be combined, but I want to be a Latin American Zaha Hadid, the nowadays greatest female architect. She’s a Deconstructivist, a style so hard to handle: it’s like architecture with psychological problems with poetry in them.

LB: OMG! How genius! Tell me more.

WAT: this kind of construction is made with metallic materials [titanium, zinc], because the shapes are pointy, aggressive. And there’s one more thing: this kind of architecture doesn’t always respect the rules of function.

LB: how does all that apply to Marce's life? Not only Deconstructive architecture, but the whole art itself.

WAT: it’s very simple: it’s a vivid image of who I want to become.

LB: do you have a hero?

WAT: yes! My hero is Tori Amos.

LB: she’s sure great! She has some imaginative lyrics and I love her crazy piano, the way she sings like she’s fucking the mic. What’s your favorite song by her?

WAT: I can’t just pick one, it’s impossible! I can give you five, is that ok?

LB: Yaay lists!! Gimme!

WAT: it’s in no particular order, my life just wouldn’t be complete without these songs. 1) Cornflake Girl; 2) Playboy Mommy; 3) Father Lucifer; 4) Muhammad My Friend and 5) Crucify. They’re all amazing! Her story is incredible, do you know it?

LB: I read something a while ago. She’s daughter of a priest or something like that and she was raped as a teenager and that’s a frequent subject in her songs.

WAT: and how every record revolves around a theme, etc.

LB: Marce, I’d like to ask you a pic or an image that you would relate to yourself in the moment and explain why, of course.

WAT: well, it would have to be Klimt’s “Portait of Mada Primavesi.” I kind of look like her, but also she looks like a little girl, surrounded by all things ethereal. Her stare is so serious, like she’s been around the world and knows what the deal is about. That painting is so straight forward about her intentions.

LB: that’s a great insight! Oh there’s a last question I was always meant to ask you but I always forgot: your blog’s title, “The Dark Girl’s Rhyme”, tell me about it. Is it inspired by something?

WAT: it’s a Dorothy Parker Poem. Can you guess where I met Dorothy Parker?

LB: uhh… a Tori Amos’s song?

WAT: no, Gilmore Girls. Don’t you remember, it’s one of Rory’s favorite authors. The name of Amy Sherman-Paladino’s production company is “Dorothy Parker Drank Here”. You have to read her, I’m sure you will love.

LB: omg it’s true and I had noticed that a while ago, wondered who parker was but forgot to wiki her; thanks to you I’ll do it.

Top 5 Favorite Songs In Movies

My passion for films and music is well known and the marriage of these two is so obviously well succeeded that there is no need for me to ramble. This list [because I have nothing else to do but doing lists] is about those sequences in a film that a song defines a scene, no lines or explanations are required, just the scenes and the music.

Honorable mentions:

Two of the films from this list has more than one song moments that I completely adore. However I had to choose one of them to make it to the final list; that doesn't stop me from mentioning them anyway. Others are amazing and sometimes over-adored scenes, that even though I now think are too hyped I could not not mention.

- "The Blower's Daughter" by Damien Rice [Closer]

Absolutely everyone loves this, maybe simply by the fact that Rice's song is beyond marvelous. I like it for other few reasons; one is that the song is played at the begining of the film and at the end: in the same movie the same song plays different and important roles to the story.

In the begining when we have a short-pink-haired Natalie Portman walking among the crowd in London streets and towards her comes forever-hot Jude Law, this song plays as a prelude, a "set the mood" song. It works perfectly because the song is haunting enough to tell us that that is a dark movie we are starting to watch. That first line completely chills me to the bone.

In the end, when the characters do all those things they do and we just get shocked about their behaviors, maybe because human beings really play those games, the song works as a line, as the film's itself line. Although I know the readers of this blog have seen this film, I really cannot go further on details about this, because who knows a wandering [and completely lost] blogger decides to read this and I spoil the whole pleasure in watching this film and feeling this song's job in it. But you all know what I mean, right?

- "The Man That Got Away" by Judy Garland [A Star Is Born]

I first listened to this song on the Gilmore Girls' 5th Season episode "So... Good Talk". Did I die when Luke knocked on Lorelai's door and kissed her as a sealing of their return as a couple while Judy Garland sang this song on Lorelai's TV? Do I really have to answer?

When I finally watched 1954 George Cuckor's version of "A Star Is Born" with Judy Garland, all I could wait for was to see the scene that had the song that made me cry over and over for no apparent reason, just for the sake of drama-queening. When I finally heard those trumpets on the film as Norman Maine [James Mason] enters the Jazz bar Esther was playing with her band that night, I felt the chills; but when I finally had the pleasure to see Judy's performance I died, I cried my insides out!

First thing that came to my mind after it was over: "AGAIN!"

- "Crazy For You" by Madonna [13 Going On 30]

Okay, Jennifer Garner, the 80's and Madonna... do the math.

What I most love about the final scene of this movie [when the song's chorus is played with this amazing additional string section] is that it's simply beautiful! It doesn't have any deeper meaning than it's Jenna's favorite song; I could say it was because she trully always loved Matt and bla-bla-bla, but it isn't really what this film is about. It's just about being cute and make us cry and smile with its lovely happy ending. And Madonna's song makes the closure perfect.

- "Come-On-A-My House" by Della Reese - dubbed by Madonna [Swept Away]

It's not like I had to manage to add this woman more than once on the list. I really abso-fucking-lutely love the scene where Adriano Gianinni's character tell a now-tamed Amber to sing and dance for him. The thing starts hilariously with Madonna in a high pitch voice but even that managed to make her Master Esposito get a boner.

Okay, it's better if you watch it.

It could be the island's mood or the temperature abrupt variations from day to night, but yeah Peppe we do understand your delirium: sizzling hot!

- "It's Raining Men" by Geri Halliwell [Bridget Jones's Diary]

Would there ever be another song to describe that infamous fight scene between hotties Daniel Cleaver [Hugh Grant] and Mark Darcy [Colin Firth]? I mean, Bridge is our hero man! She went from self conscious-30-years-old-single-therefore-depressed girl to two-hot-men-fighting-over-me!!

- "Without You" by Renée Zewellger [Bridget Jones's Diary]

This is one of the most hilarious parts of the movie. There she is, our hero drunk as pig at a Christmas party at her office singing Mariah Carey's Without You with her horrible drunk untuned voice, completely making a fool of herself because she was clearly singing it for Daniel Cleaver, her love interest. What's left for us then? Laugh!!

Who saw that would never imagine Renée could do what she did in Chicago.

Top 5:

5. "Fade Into You" by Mazzi Star [Swept Away]

Guy Ritchie and Madonna's second collaboration [the first is that outrageous and amazing music video] isn't well regarded among general public nor the critics. I agree that the film has some flaws like the boring edition in the begining [before the main characters become castaways] and some jokes are too According To Jim-esque for my taste; but generally I like the movie and find it very underrated. Madge's performance is mostly funny and cute, her comedy timing is great and as Amber she's adorable.

However, there is a scene that defines for me the best moment in the film. When Peppe and Amber embrace their attraction and live their love in that paradisiacal island, we are swayed by the lovely Fade Into You. But there are two things I adore about this sequence: the first is Alex Barber's breathtaking cinematography, he captured the scenario in a so beautiful way you feel like you're there; the second thing is that Fade Into You's lyrics match perfectly with the film's moment and is like a watershed in the character's fates. Mazzi Star's lyrics go about giving yourself away for a stranger, letting go of prejudices and giving a leap of faith on the unknown; exactly what the lovers were doing in that island and decided to keep on doing when they returned to "civilization". Right after the song ends, they are found.

4. "Just The Way You Are" by Maggie Gyllenhaal [Happy Endings]

After the whole [Jake] Gyllenhaal fuss in 2005 I totally overlooked this family, and despite all the buzz Maggie is getting herself this year I deliberately ignored her. Until I saw Happy Endings. Dan Ross's movie is beyond cute, not only because you simply love all the whackiness of its characters [especially Maggie's and Lisa Kudrow's], but also because it never judges their behaviors therefore we feel free to identify ourselves with them. That way we completely fall in love with each character, understanding their actions, fears and embracing their dramas. [I wanna marry Jason Ritter even if he has "Raise Your Voice" and "Freddy Vs Jason" on his past.]

So the moment Maggie's character sings that song you can't help loving everything about her [and Maggie herself by default for giving life to Jude in a so loveable way]. The song tells perfectly what you feel about the characters and how the film dealed with them; and that way you just feel hopeful to get your happy ending.

3. "Vogue" by Madonna [The Devil Wears Prada]

Madonna and Shep Petibone wrote this pop classic inspired by the dancing style that was in fashion at underground gay clubs in the late 1980's; the rest is history.

In 2006 David Frankel in his orgasmic movie The Devil Wears Prada takes Madonna's classical hit and puts it as the soundtrack of a sequence that shows all these marvelous couture outfits dressed by Anne Hathaway. Even though we all know that song must have been played in a million fashion catwalks since its release, that time it was there for the whole world to see how Madonna's song is as fresh and new as those clothes.

A funny thing about that scene is that Madonna's song is about people who feel better about themselves imitating great Hollywood stars on the dancefloor, and Andy Sachs goes through a change of behavior, personality and self-confidence with all those Chanel suits and Jimmy Choo-es. Does all that sound kind of superficial and frivolous? Yeah, but who gives a fuck?! Sometimes we must unwind and just be happy with trivial things.

Besides, who would resist Madonna and Dolce & Gabbana clothes?!

2. "All By Myself" by Celine Dion [Bridget Jones's Diary]

Okay, kilos and kilos of calories + wine + Bridget Jones = LAUGHS!!

The opening scene from modern masterpiece Bridget Jones's Diary is a masterpiece itself. Seriously, who never felt so shitty about himself that drank the night away at home and listened to depressive music until faint? Okay, I haven't but I felt similar; never got drunk and overchocolated but yes, I dubbed a corny song in a dramatic way that completely fit into my current state. The scene is so ridicule that it's genius how screenwriters Helen Fielding, Andrew Davies and Richard Curtis manage to make us laugh at the fact that we ourselves had done that.

Uhg... to know/remember what I'm talking about, rewatch that marvelous scene.

1. a) "Moon River" by Audrey Hepurn [Breakfast At Tiffany's]

This song is perfection. I first ever heard it back in 1997 when my father played a Louis Armstrong record that had it. Back then I knew nothing about the fact it was written for a movie nor anything of English so I just felt amazed by its tender melody.

Years later [2005] I found it among my mp3s, this time sung by Frank Sinatra. And I was in a moment of discovering classic cinema. The ho instantly told me it was from one of the greatest movies ever made, Breakfast At Tiffany's and I NEEDED to see it. Then I finally saw the lovely scene where Holly is sat by the window singing the song Henry Mancini wrote especially for Audrey's vocal range and in Paul/Fred's eyes were imprinted the fascination for that outstanding, charismatic and intriguing person. The music she was playing had such a sorrowful tone, so filled with what we Portuguese speakers would call saudade that contrasted with the fun, eccentric and hyperactive woman he had experienced till then. That depth on Holly's persona is enough to make him fall in love with her.

What does happen with us at that exact moment? We completely feel the same.

b) "Moon River" by Nacho Pérez [La Mala Educación]

The reason I absolutely love this song in this movie is that it brings us exactly the opposite feeling that BAT brings us.

In Almodóvar's 2004 film the scene that features this song is one that we see a young priest playing a guitar while a pretty and innocent boy sings Moon River [in Spanish] at a riverbank. Then we see a close shot on the priest and he has the exact same look that George Peppard's character in the 1961 film has. But opposite to him there's no grown runaway girl from the south, there's a ten-year-old boy.

What does happen with us at that exact moment? That's it! Pedro Almodóvar completely changed the effect the song brings upon us. Instead of a sympathy to a growing relationship, we feel completely shocked and scared about what is to happen. The lovely song that makes we all fall in love suddenly becomes something we feel afraid of. Therefore, there's no way in not loving this music moment.

I want a turkey. I want a turkey for me.

We don't have thanksgiving in Brasil and I don't have gringo-ed friends to give a thanksgiving dinner. But still I can thank all the blessings, so I hop on the wave and do my Thankgivings post.

So, thank G-d for:

- dentist appointments on stormy days;

- stormy days full of inspiration;

- inspiration made into art;

- art made by Madonna;

- Madonna making the people come together;

- come together to the one person that understands;

- to understand that person as well;

- well and healthy Kylie;

- Kylie Minogue's beautiful and sorrowful joyous music;

- music that makes me happy;

- happiness given by tv;

- tv: Sawyer, Bree, Lorelai(s)... Sex And The City;

- Bushnell, Parker, Nixon, Catrall and Davis;

- Alais and her unique intelligence;

- intelligence that is as well in me;

- my girlie "me", Nathalia;

- me for being so sarcastic;

- sarcasm that brings me reason to laugh;

- laughter hours spent with the ho;

- the ho... oh third time I thank for him;

- all the virtual men that comes in and out of my life;

- the crushes that irks my brain to think;

- think and write things like this site;

- trade the day for the night;

- my dad with his adorable although sometimes irksome speeches;

- my mom and her very own manual of "how not to be";

- my sis for the same reason;

- my ghost too;

- oh Maria Bethânia!!

- have I already thanked for Madge and Kylie?

- what about the source of bliss? Yeah the films, the films, the films, the films!!!

- Greta Garbo, and Monroe; Dietrich and DiMaggio. Marlon Brando, Jimmy Dean, on the cover of a magazine. Grace Kelly; Harlow, Jean. Picture of a beauty queen. Gene Kelly, Fred Astaire. Ginger Rogers, dance on air. They had style, they had grace; Rita Hayworth gave good face; Lauren, Katharine, Lana too. Bette Davis, we love you. Ladies with an attitude; fellows that were in the mood. Don't just stand there, let's get to it. Strike a pose, there's nothing to it... yeah, you all know what I mean!

- the body, the mind, the soul;

- the life I'm writing with my words;

- everyone that is helping me on it;

- and You of course that permits me to be.

Happy Thanksgiving.