Shocking Happenstances

Did you ever imagine Lucas in a rock festival? I'm not talking about these new indie craps filled with glam and retro I tend to be fond of sometimes. I'm talking about good old rock 'n' roll with variations from punk to heavy/death metal. Yes, tonight I attented to one and I can say the experience was pretty interesting.

Of course that when I got there I wasn't at all excited since I'm not much of a rock fan. But everyone was supposed to be there so I'd have at least whom to have fun with. And it was like that considering I was quickly waving my head to the hardcore guitar riffs and doing my usual craziness. This will sound very narcissistic but I love the way I'm alwayd up and able to blend in things when I want to. One couldn't easily say I was born in that world of long haired weirdoes, but I could easily be saw as an up for fun person.

But the shocking things I promise to talk about in the title have little to do with that. First, I have a new crush. Hurrah big surprise! There's a new guy in the CC and he's beyond cute and cool and hip and obviously didn't give a damn for me. He has purple hair, but he won me at the moment he appeared wearing a SKIRT! I got a bit envious about his bold fashion statement, but mostly got drawned by his calfs.

However, Lucas having a new crush isn't any of surprising much less shocking. The shocking thing is that I got another crush as well. Okay, are you prepared? You're obviously sat, but I ask you to hold your jaws: my other crush is a girl!

She knows about it, she didn't refuse the idea, and she wasn't drunk as a skunk; but she was with a guy, so Lucas was to be patient. So I guess that's enough said; I'll just have a good night morning of sleep and "who knows what's going to happen"...

[Song: I Go Humble - Björk]

Being Blasé

I think my gaydar is broken.

Last weekend I was having drinks with my folks at this cool café and I [thought I] got flirtted by this cute British guy - Daniel. We talked and I gave him my number and email, and he invited me to go to the inn he was staying in the morrow because Caetano Veloso was going to be there. I was happy with the possibility of getting a hook-up, but it was the possibility of knowing Caetano in person that got me all excited about. On the following night we [Alais, Chasha - Alias's roomate - Nina and I] went to the inn and we met Mr. Veloso [I DIED!!]; afterwards we went to this cool place called Borracharia ["tire place" in Portuguese] to dance and make some scene. There I learned from Alais that Daniel wasn't gay.

Lucas 0 x 1 Cold Mean Universe.

Saturday I finally went to the party I was anticipating for a whole month: the Nave [Portuguese for ship]. Ha, it was marvelous! I caused a lot, danced like crazy and when the darling DJ played Hung Up I jumped on the stage with Alais and danced even more. Before it we got to dance with this group of unknowns [by me] and among them there was this cute thing; he was so pretty and danced so cooly I could not take my eyes of him. Afterwards Alais, me and him were dancing to this awesome rock beat and he said something in her ear, right after she formally introduced us. I glowed. But later, when I told her my interst for him she told he was not gay.

Lucas 0 x 2 Cold Mean Bitchy Motherfucker Son-Of-A-Bitch Cocksucker Universe.

I am confused. I know Universe is not to be blamed, the needy feeling this rut brings [aka ego] is the real fucker; so you know what, I decided to be blasé. I'm gradually de-crushing from Éder but this want of a guy beside me has been tripping me up; it's like I'm looking for a substitute to receive these feelings that got interrupted to flow. Therefore, in an attempt to stop confusion I'll occupy my head with other things, flirt the less possible and forget men. Men suck! I'll be asexual at least in the meantime I organize my life.

[Song: Move - Dreamgirls]

Tales From Yesterday [Part 2]

So... yesterday [before the whole Zenaide drama] I was at home minding my own business when a guy calls at the door asking if that was Danilo's house. Uhh... I obviously replied no but noticed he was was obviously gay.

Later, when I went out for Coke I met him a street above mine looking kind of lost. So, I innocently decided to walk by that street. Approaching him I acted surprise and asked "dude, are you lost?" and he "yeah, kinda." I uselessly tried to explain the street scheme of that neighborhood, but he didn't know which street or house was Danilo's.

I then offered my phone since his cellular was dead so he had to come over to my house. In the way we had the usual small talk: "you're so nice... I like music and crap... bla bla bla." Me being very polite and my usually quiet, replying very instantly and with few words [I am like this when I first meet a person ok ho!], until we got home and he didn't want to come in because of Hercules, my Akita. So I went in and called Danilo for Victor [the guy's name which I only intentionally remembered to ask after I 1st tried to reach Danilo... it's a game folks, and I'm here to play it] but Danilo turned out to be unreachable. As I went out to give Victor the news he asked for my msn and of course I gave.

[Today...]

An hour ago or so I was chating with him and he asked "what is in cognito in your life?" Of course I knew what was that about, but since I have a very very wicked mind I decided to play so my first replies were stupidly random things like "uhh... I love Paris Hilton" or "my ego is huge"... all things very known of myself. *giggles* Later I told him he could ask me anything he wanted because I wouldn't mind and things were finally revealed.

He's not my type, but it's an acquaintance.

[Song: Oh My G-d - P!nk featuring Peaches]

[PS: I'm in Valença, at my cousin's LOVELY home - which I'll take plenty of photos. Tomorrow we're going to Morro de São Paulo yaaay! Don't laugh ho!]

Intel

Okay, remember Julio?

Earlier tonight I was having this light artsy conversation with a HS-times friend of mine on the MSN. We were saying how much we loved Jazz, the film 8 Femmes and I was telling her to watch Les Parapluis du Cherbourg. Then she started with this we-are-friends can-I-make-an-indiscreet-question kind of crap and I already knew what she was going to ask.

She laughed hard with my reply which was something like: "Hey sweetie, 3 simple tips: Madonna, Classic movies and Judy Garland." So she pleased my ego [she said that was the best answer she'd ever got to that question] and we started to go deeper in that subject: when I found out, if I was outted bla bla bla.

But I moved to the more interesting part of the convo: I asked her about other guys from the school times that she suspected about. She came up with a very interesting and revealing list that made me regret being far from the Conquista scenario for so long!! But well, of course I had a hidden agenda in all that: I hurried and asked about Julio... yeah Julio! Soraya [my friend who I forgot to name earlier] said: "Oh Julio! He IS!"

Well folks, now do you remember the feeling of possibility from two posts down? Yeah, you're so smart!!!!! But along with her intel [new name for gossip] came the information that Julio is about to go to London [!] this month!!!!!!!!

I don't have much time...

[Song: Chocolate - Kylie Minogue]

"Good Memory Kiddo..."

They always say "where there's fire there's heat". That reminds me of my school times when being called gay wasn't a rarity. I was always in denial of course, but later I decided I didn't have to explain anything to anyone, so what was said I [pretended that I] didn't care. Later I would find other classmates that would be bullied by the machos and take on the same action as mine: denial.

In adolescence, as I was discussing with my father yesterday at lunch, image is everything, especially in sexist societies as this one I was brought up in, and the stakes get higher at that particular time. So for my classmates and I it was better to lie to ourselves than to be out of the acceptance zone.

But all this sociological crap is to introduce what happened today. I was at the mall with my family and as we left I ran into an old classmate of mine, Julio César. [Big name uh!] He came towards me with a killer smile and grew taller than what I could remember as we approached each other. He gave me his hand and I shook it but my slow brain [doomed even more by AWFUL cappuccino I had had] didn't recognize him. My inicial receptivity to his smile was more because of the smile itself and the fact that he had a beard around it, than to the fact I knew him.

It was a brief greeting and as dad and I walked away I told him:

"If you ask me who he is I'll have no answer."

"Good memory kiddo..." he replied.

And I put myself to thinking... so, just like that, he came to my mind: Julio the other classmate who used to be bullied by the machos. Julio used to walk with the machos [like the way Gretchen followed Regina], so I imagine that concealing was harder for him; but it made me want to get connections with him again. I mean, I have no idea if he's outted [at least to his own mind] but uhg he's a cutie and as the old say says...

[Song: Love At First Sight - Kylie Minogue]

Get Together

On Saturday, after a rain that seemed to be sweeping the whole town and a lonesome kind-of-depressing pizza I decided I should go out. And I went to Opera [of course].

Due to the rain and a concert that was happening on the other side of the town, the club was kinda empty, which was kinda good, cause I danced my ass off ALL OVER the dancefloor!!! Lol, okay, I'm overreacting, I danced my way and in my space like always... [Yeah, right!] Funny thing was that two guys came on to me and I dumped both, very politely and ladylike, ok ho!

Then later, after the drag-queen [yuk] show I spotted a cute guy and went to the dancefloor to do my "average dance routine" in front of him, and guess what was playing!! GET TOGETHER!!! Was I happy? Sure!! So an emo went to the guy I was wanting but he backed him off so that was my chance. I approached him and asked if he was alone and he said "yeah"! So when I looked straight at his face it hit me: "Oh my G-d!! It's the cute guy from three weeks ago!! The impressive instant one!!!" What were the odds? I mean... twas my last Saturday in town and I met HIM!!!

This time I asked his name, Thiago, and again asked what should we do [casting my silly-sexy looks]; he led me to another corner from the dancefloor and kissed me. And it was.......... not good. It felt awkward, out of place and not focused. He stopped and I asked what was wrong [asking, always asking!]. He muttered some words I could not get and took me back to the backyard [the club is like a house]. There again he kissed me and there again it did not fit. Uhg, where was the impressive instant? I was already kicking myself for idealizing things again when he looked around as if watching our backs, stared at me and said "okay, now it'll work!"

Well, Lucas trusted and... bang!! His drum crushed me!! No, his kiss dazed me! I was suddenly breathless and more than excited. His arms laced my waist as mine would lace his neck. We fit perfectly and oh G-d he was intense! Then he started touching me and saying I was hot [which was very ego pleasing by the way... LOL!!] until he started to dare more. His hands would find his way into my pants and I got a bit scared for we weren't exactly alone in the place... but you know what? Fuck it! I went with the flow!

So, the energy was so hot and so intense that I broke my rule and we went into the dark-room. There he dared even more... he went down on me and... well, yeah! But before that a guy... nah, a fairy-queene broke into the room [which was empty except for us], looked fiercely at us and went away. I laughed and felt somewhat ashamed... I realized I like privacy a lot.

After we "finished" we went out and sat at a bench. I told him I was going away on Monday and he said he was trully sorry because he absolutely wanted to meet me again. I felt very fuzzy inside and also wanted to meet him again, he was definitely a gas. So, he tried to take a pic of me with his phone [my hair was dreadful so I didn't let him and the light, thankfully, didn't help] and I decided to give him my number. When I took his cell to give it to him the fairy-queene appears again. And with his very affected voice he called Thiago. Thiago told him to come to us but then he yelled at him telling him to go there. I started to laugh inside and he went.

The fairy-queene then screamed "will you come to say goodbye to your BOYFRIEND?!" And looked bitterly at me... and I laughed, this time outside. Thiago said something and came to me. The thing is, that emo guy who Thiago dumped earlier during Get Together was the same emo from that earlier week, who happened to be his boyfriend. Right before he, the fairy-queene, come and make such scene, he was telling me that their relationship was over due to the emo's jealousy and insecurity [this last one added by me], so I didn't feel any used or weird or whatever to learn that the emo was still attached to him.

I actually found all that really funny. I hate people who don't have the guts to do things their own and tell friends to do for them. The two guys I dumped earlier never came directly to me, always asked the queeny talkative friend to ask my name and number. So the emo ex didn't get my respect at all, even if tonight he looked a bit cuter. When Thiago came closer to me I was still typing my name in his phone; the queene came with him and very bitchy asked me if I had two cellulars. I, very politely again, looked at him with the most cynical of eyes and answered "no, just one" and smiled, of course. I finished typing and handed Thiago his phone, but the primadona took it from my hand. I, smelling trouble, got up said "good night folks" but before I leave I went to Thiago and kissed him at the cheek with the brightest of grins and left.

With a huge afterglow I said goodbye to the hot bartender and paid my bill. As I walked home the bitchy-queene and the emo left the club too. Okay, I admit I was afraid they'd come after me. Not afraid of having my ass kicked by two fags, but the whole confusion itself... I wouldn't lower myself that way. I watched my back and the bitchy yelled "and you better not look at me!" I, well, laughed my ass off and went home very gleeful and excited. It was THE night.

-----------------------

Last night, Sunday, I went to this pub I love as some sort of goodbye party. Most of my friends were there: Nathalia, Juliana, Filipe, Marilia and her fiancé, and Fernanda. Cintia, Nadia and Mariane [I don't remember exactly her name] passed by to wish me good trip and luck.

I had my favorite drinks [Tequila, Marguerita and Vodka] and felt sad when Fer started to cry. I, however, didn't cry. Actually I dried up, I wasn't feeling marvelous but I could neither show any emotion. I still can't say if it was because of the alcohol or simply because I'm very decided about what I'm doing... or maybe I'm just becoming insensitive.

[Song: Erotica/You Thrill Me - Madonna]

The OFF Night

How do you feel when two of your dearest friends get together with you for a day out? Well, I was more than thrilled last Thursday!

I met Alais in Barra Mall [a fancy mall in a fancy neighborhood in Salvador] and we had lunch. Later we met Mariana [I SMSed her to meet us there] and we went to a book store to see some tourists guides of Salvador. We decided we'd got to this bar called Las Margaritas, a cute place with mexican food, a wall with Frida Khalo paintings and more than a hundred kinds of margueritas!!!!!!!!!!

Then we left the mall and went to the place where Alais is staying. She is at this hostel filled with HOT tourists, especially gringos!! As soon as we steped in the place we bumpped into a hot Aussie watching TV, upstairs, a huge and tall German coming out of the bathroom and by the time we arrived in Alais' room I was all liquid. We put our stuff into her suitcase and went to the beach. There we had a great time with high school memories, sex life [or lack of it in my case] stories, checking out the hot people and making fun of the hideous ones of course!

So the night came down after a marvelous sunset and we had a cappuccino with cheesecake at a café runned by a hot Itallian. Then we went back to the hostel to get our craps and set things for the later night. As Mariana and I went out, this cute guy came to us, "Are you Brazillians?", we confirmed and he cheered saying was tired of trying to communicate with all those foreign people. We laughed and I noticed he was checking either me or Mariana out.

Later, I arrived at the hostel and we got a SMS from Mariana saying she couldn't make it because there was no bus left from where she was to Barra. I was kinda sad because I wanted her to join us, but in the end I went out with Alais and some people from the hostel, including the cute guy that was checking me out. We headed out to the Off Club!

There we met the guy Mariana was into with another guy [poor girl! Lol] and we sat on a bar before we go into. We met all kinds of gay people and talked about that. I was kinda shy so I remained quiet until Alais and the guys saw a German from the hostel sitting by himself. I went all perky about it cause the first thing I decided to do when I got in Salvador was to kiss a foreign tongue. I started to talk with him, but his English was horrible so we mostly got lost in translation having to be saved by Alais. We all were in doubt if he was gay or not, because he didn't seem like one, but he was in a gay area. So I popped the question and he seemed shocked! It was funny because he really sounded innocent, he didn't even know Madonna was gay icon [the bar was playing the 93:99 DVD] because he ignored her since he's a punk rock fan [of course that was a turn off, but I'd still do him! Lol]. Meanwhile, the guy I was flirting with was talking with a Spanish queeny fairy annoying guy.

We went into the club and Alais and I headed to the bar, ordered two caipirinhas, finished them in few seconds like two good drunkards and headed to the dancefloor. Holy shit!! I had the time of my life!! My ass went up and down all over the dancefloor, we were checked out by everyone and I loved it, of course!! We danced louzy remixes from Beyoncé [Check On It], Tony Braxton [Un-Break My Heart] and Gwen Stefani [What You Waiting For and Rich Girl]. Then we went to the lounge to catch up our breath and we met the hostel guy [ok, it's about time for you to know his name: Marcos] and the Spannish queen. Alais went to the toilette and I talked with them, flirting hard with Marcos. Results: we made out. We made out REAL good!!

His mouth is small and I'm not so keen about small mouths but he's a great kisser, very eager and wild at the same time, but kinda weird. He crushed me onto the wall and put his hands all over my body [I could not miss this one, ho! lol]. Until they played Sorry (Pet Shop Boys Remix)!!!! I just had to leave him and go dance it. I met Alais on the dancefloor dancing and we went crazy and wild!! I did ALL the dance moves I knew. We shook our booties all the way through the dancefloor then I met the guy again, but Alais needed to go home cause she had an appointment in the morning. I asked her 30 minutes.

Okay, let me describe Marcos. He's shorter than me, very cute with a sexy beard and hot arms, BUT small willy as I could feel when I grabbed his crotch [well, I'm a complete slut when I'm up to be one]. He told me his messenger [I tried to memorize it but of course I forgot] we said goodbye and as Alais and I went out they played Isaac!!!!!!!!!!!! I had to dance it!! Alais let me and uhg, you probably know how wild I went!! Right after came My Humps and that was the biggest slutty moment of mine: I went up and down waving my hair, touching my body and grabbing my ass like Fergie, until Alais showed up and we went. On the way out we met Marcos, I smooched him and we stormed out.

Marcos was kinda weird all the time. I had fun though, as he whispered into my ear that he wanted to sleep with me and how he'd be brokenhearted if I left at that moment. Ho, only you how know I loved to hear that! Lol...

I didn't want to come to Inhambupe [where I currently am] but my cousins demanded me here to my aunt's 60th b-day surprise party, so here I am. To summarize: last night I blowed my selfish egocentric cousin. But I don't like to brag about my sex shenanigans!

Yeah right!! Lol...

[Song: Your Honesty - Madonna]