Madonna Week: Madonna Drunk Homage

So, what do you do in a free cold Monday night? Get drunk!! A sample of the CC last night [Nalim, Marcos, Purki and I] drove the whole town in the search for a place to drink and we did what good Mad-Whores should do whenever they can: strike a pose!

Resilience

Last month Mariana and I were indirectly talking about The Cigarette Club and she said how she is never able to fit in a clique. I felt kind of sorry for her. Years ago cool would be if I'd never fit in, if I was always the poetic renegade nobody could understand; this sounds very romantic in an E! True Hollywood Story way. Nowadays one of the things that got me depressed in the first half of the month was the fact I didn't fit in. I'm not an easy person to fit in. I'm snobbish [the -ish is an euphemism], but also very resilient - this, surprisingly, can drive people away.

Mariana claimed she seldom finds groups of people with same interests and ideals as hers and that she doesn't have much patience to be so resilient. I guess that's where she sins [not being judgmental, just analytic], because we [thank G-d] will never find people who perfectly combine with us; actually I don't think that's her goal, but in such a world as this, being resilient is almost a must. Sometimes it's a problem, when you lose track of yourself in the process, but being able to be in contact with different opinions and tastes and visions is not only interesting but invigorating. Especially when they're sometimes very different from yours, that's a great ego test.

In The Cigarette Club we share similar points of view and interests, but like anything else we have different minds and that adds so much to the whole that it's beautiful; from a distance if you pay attention to a fervorous conversation of ours, you might think we're totally nonsensical - I'd rather call it stream of consciousness. The other day we were speaking nonstop like mad people for hours and as I lit a cigarette I looked around and realized how Altman-esque and Allen-esque we sounded. Nothing made sense, but everything did.

Humans need to be around humans; we need to share opinions and feelings, have decent intellectual and emtional intercourse. Resilience is genius for that.

[Song: One Day - Björk]

"A Girl Has Got To Eat!"

That's what happens when the Cigarette Club drives around the town. Surely no one is safe!

"Eruptions And Disasters"

One of the things I've always thought as ultimate glamourous fun between friends was going to a motel just for the sake of hanging out. Last night I did it.

When we stopped at the motel's gate I had to reach my hand to press an intercom; a feminine voice talked to me.

"Sir, are you underage?"

*giggles* "No luv, we're not underage."

"Are you sure you're not underage?"

*laughs* "Of course I am luv!"

"How many people is there in the car?"

"Three, luv."

"Then we'll charge you an extra load fee."

"How much will that be?"

"$10."

"Okay."

"Are you sure there are three people in the car?"

"Yes, lady I am very sure." *laughs*

Anyways, as we got into the suite we were cracking ourselves with the tacky luxury of the place - okay, I was. The decoration consisted in cream marble floors, Barroque angels statues combined with Greek columns and Gone With The Wind-esque curtains around the jacuzzi. Our main intention was to be in the jacuzzi, to have some beers and smoke some ciggies. But I think I got more than expected as I felt that this silly harmless fun was reassuring our friendship in terms that got me a bit depressed.

No, we did no orgy dumbasses. But I felt a link with these guys in the same level I have with the ho and Alais, and I haven't felt such in a long time. Surely there are "crappy" feelings involved [you know what I'm talking about], but the reason it got me slightly down is that I'll be always going away and such things take so long to be built, and in an environment like a big city it may never happen. Not saying the country is better than the city, heaven forbid, but experiences I had in both places make me look at small towns with kinder eyes.

Once again, I will sure miss this place.

[Song: Possibly Maybe - Björk]

"All At Once Comes The Silence"

Some places have themselves enough to make you fall for them. Others rely on the people to mesmerize you. Conquista, to me, for a long time was either of those. There's nothing to do in this town and considering I'm mostly a total reclused snob I ignore its people as well. Until January when I became a better version of myself. These last three days in Conquista were marvelous.

Last night The Cigarette Club went out. The town, of course, had nothing to offer so we had to make it up for ourselves, touring on the city's bars and drinking heavily in each of them. The night before it started was declared to be the Drunk Night, but everybody's inner craps came along with the ride. No, no, no, no, no... it didn't become a boring group therapy session, but feelings were spoken and little steps were taken.

Around 4AM we all tucked sleepy into the car, listening to Madonna. Silence stood still. Hands were held, feelings were boiled inside all over again. Lol... okay, I'm "up in the mess of danger zone" but things here ain't exactly new, so the path is already different. Proposals were made, paranoias were relieved.

Yes, I will miss this place all over again.

[Song: Gone Gone Gone - Madonna]

"When I See You Cry..."

Nothing better than a day after the other.

Guys, you know, I'm human. You also know that I love that Lily Allen song. Dude, that's all that has been buzzing in my mind ever since I learned what I learned tonight.

So, TheCC was in our usual hang out and I was in my usual flirting mode with you know who. Until I learned what I learned [I don't think it's a good thing to say it here since it's personal stuff, but if you're clever enough to put two and two together, you can get a picture]... then I stoped a while, but of course I carried on later. Thing is: I have this stupid silly grin on my face. First because I finally said things I wished I'd said two months ago. Second we're talking about repeated history here people! Tables have turned and I'm not rejoicing on his pain, but I'm glad that he knows how it feels.

As I said on the previous post, most of my fantasies have died with time and I'm clever enough to not let them come out into the sun again, when I learned to live without them. I do believe things are better because there's cleary no hard feelings anymore. So, I do "feel bad for while but then I just smile, I go ahead and smile."

[Song: Smile - Lily Allen]

Soft Like Me

Hey, do you wanna be

And don't you wanna be

Soft like me?

The best part of flirting is when you are totally cool about it. You know, you flirt you make your passes but fuck it if anything happens. Most of the times, I'm like that; last night I was like that. But instead of flirting around I foccused my aim in one target only. That, my friends, is testifying defeat. Well, sometimes not, but mostly you lead yourself to disappointments and deceptions.

Now's the shocking part: I'm not like that!!! Okay, I won't lie I'm a bit excited to make things work; but mostly I'm alright! Last night in Conquista I simply drove around town with my friends in the [unsuccessful] search of a nice party. However we had an awesome time; I was joyous and soft, simply moving from one thing to another with the only disposition of hanging out. Comment Guy was there and let's be honest here guys, I was thrilled that he was. Suddenly you know what I've been talking about.

Am I entering a very dangerous zone? Oh hell yeah of course! I cannot deny the moody days after February; but I believe that now I'm cooler about it, since most of my fantasies were torn two months ago I can say my eyes are more open now. But yes, it's a path filled with ambiguity and blasé moods. Count me in!!!!

[Song: Soft Like Me - Saint Etienne]

Romantically Lame

“If I kiss you where it’s sore? Will you feel better? Will you feel nothing at all?”

Funny, the other day I found a text I wrote more or less a year ago. It’s called “Drunk” in which I say about getting drunk to ease the pain. I loved coming across it because it’s a proof of my rut: I realized that from late Feb to March I get into a needy bitterness that is often triggered by heartbreak.

Back then I taped myself to a more dramatic soundtrack, read: Kylie’s Put Yourself In My Place and Drunk. This time I have extremes, both hurt of course but one is a bit romantically lame while the other is more moving on-ish.

Lame things first. Regina Spektor’s Better has been into my mind ever since I went back to Conquista to get the rest of my stuff. The quotation on the first paragraph is from it and this song has a little story. As you know January was a marvelous month for me; in one of my sunset viewings with The Cigarette Club I [now] remember starting to feel the sentiments I’m today willing to leave behind. Everybody [but Bel] was there; Eder was there. It was a lovely dusk with beautiful scenery, cute reencounters, cigarettes and flirtatious smiles. In Diego’s car Regina Spektor’s Fidelity started to play and I offered my CD that contained the Begin To Hope album [which was never returned till this date]; and there she was swaying one of the prettiest sunsets I’ve seen so far while certain things had their commencements.

The other song is Cardigans’ Erase/Rewind, which I posted about already. “Better” is romantic/lame [in a good way, I must point out] because it’s my masochism wanting to hold things that are probably expired. Although it’s not so simple to erase and rewind [I’d say it’s impossible without the help of Miss Alzheimer and Miss Lobotomy], Dido already testified that “it’s high time you left it there.” So I sing “Erase/Rewind” to try to wake up the strong independent Samantha Jones in me who just shakes the crap off and moves the line on. But instead, I think I can’t have him kissing where it’s sore, so I daydream and feed ego.

If in the end I decide to waste time and compare the situations [this and last year’s heartbreaks], I could say that last year I was in way better position. Because at least back then I was drunk. Note to self: buy booze Lucas.

[Song: Better – Regina Spektor]
[Song 2: Erase/Rewind – The Cardigans]

I Hate You Brains!!

I started 2006 [uhg, I promise this is no restrospective post, this is just an intro] transcripting my summer journals. On the 8th part I talked about the beach, but it was a comment I got that caught my attention. Eleven months after it the author of the message is revealed. He's one of the members of theCC.

For the lazy readers [hi Ho!] I'll transcript here the comment that got me:

"i should know that a guy like you could only be who you are.

hahhah i met you years ago, in a place where i couldn't breathe.

and i liked you

and i didn't tell you that

and i regret for it...

someday we'll meet again

i hope"

The revelation of the author happened in a way that takes a longer post and a less tired poster, so if you're curious stay tuned [I always wanted to say that]. The thing I'm really wanting to say here and now is that I fucking hate my brains for being beyond imaginative and start daydreaming!! Yeah, I'm already picturing situations and lives, even if I don't know what that comment exactly meant!

I fucking hate myself!

[Song: Too Far - Kylie Minogue]

The Cigarette Club Strikes Back

What to do when the place you're inside is colder than the brave wind outside and the DJ no matter how well intentioned he is just can't get it right [aka never plays your song]?

Last night TheCC got together again and despite the defalcation [no Bel, Nai, Mondy and Nalim] we hit the town's newest upper class snob bar, The Vinil Music Lounge. As we entered we noticed the parade of Brazillian couture and flawless make up joined by buff bodies [as we were on Converses, shorts and Havaianas], seriously some of the hottest people from Conquista were partying there... uhg did I say partying? Pardon my slide, they were simply parading around with the bored stares mixed with sometimes up and loud conversations. Of course everyone's entitled to take a holiday as they please, but you all know how I like to take it.

TheCC didn't care about them; we got in snob enough to ignore the snotty noses and humble [or you may say slutty] enough to smile to everyone. The music was okay, but the lack of dancing people maintained the area cold; so here goes the thing that mostly made me feel gorgeous: we just started dancing as if there would be no tomorrow! We were the sensation, I have no doubt! In a moment all the preppy girls were just looking at us and smiling - I don't care if they were making fun of us or envying us, we were just having a great time! So out of nowhere this gorgeous woman joined us and we all danced together! Later I realized she knew two of the members but she was amazing and so different from the rest of the people from there... she looked like us, but rich!

I got warned twice for smoking [now I hate places that don't let us do so] and one of the bouncers actually threatened to kick me out if I didn't stop. At that moment I just wished to be Giovanna Battaglia and tell him to fuck off, but still I gave several deep gulps on my beloved ciggie as Vinicius bitched on him. We laughed our asses off! When we finally went out to smoke the DJ followed us to do the same. We pleaded him anything from Madonna and he promised to play Hung Up. When he did, uhg it was a louzy version that not even us Madge lovers liked imagine the bunch of ignorants on the dance floor. What did we do? We sung the lyrics so loud it was impossible not to notice not us, and yeah we rolled our arms baby!!

Things finished at 3am and we went out for a snack till 4... dude, "right now I feel like I could take on the whole Empire myself!!"

[Song: Erica America - Saint Etienne]

The Cigarette Club

Some say "real friendships never end", I say "fuck the end!"

When you go to a party... uhh make it a gay party, you have three options: a) you stand back looking bored stupidly waiting for someone to approach you; b) you give it away and dance your ass off as if there's no tomorrow [usually my option]; or c) you look for someone you know. I never know anyone but the last GLS party I attend to was filled with long-time-no-see people. Including Vinicius. He used to be a friend of mine during high school but for confusing unknown and teeny reasons we got apart.

However, as some trick of destiny I hung out at the party with him and the people he was with [also very known people] and now we all are The Cigarette Club. The name? Well, almost everyone here smokes like a chimney; I gave up my self control about it and honestly am not caring about cancer and other diseases related to the habit, I simply like it I do it; my dues are my dues. And since the party I've been hanging out with these guys and having the best of times.

We are: Isabel, Naiara, Monada, Vinicius, Nalim, Ruman [the cute German] and some others I can't remember the names... I've never had such a big gang and I've never been so happy and carefree ever since Marilia Drama Club early days. We've been from partying wildly, to bars sitting, galery wall paintings and sunset watching.

It's all so funny how the world goes round and you meet people that feels like you know for a lifetime. Isabel's this gorgeous and outgoing girl, so loud and careless you can't help feeling happy around her, therefore you long to be around her. The second day we went out she turned to me "Lucas, Promiscuous is our song! I'll always remember you when I listen to it!" You can imagine how flattered I was at the moment, one of the coolest songs ever... it turned out to be the main theme of this week with these guys.

The other girls are as gorgeous as Bel, but I know them for a quite considerable time and it's been refreshing to be with them again. We're all laughing and suddenly we realize we don't know what we're laughing about anymore! Besides, it's always great to find people that love nasty sex talk like me. That brings me down to the member that is not constantly with us, but uhg I wish he were...

Ruman. Oh Ruman! You all know my Micheal Jackson tendencies, you all know my gringo horny desires, my thing for long haired kids... well, Ruman is German, he's 17 and uhg he's hair!!! He didn't seem gay at all to me so he'd be just a silly obsession. Tonight as we all talked in the most blasé of the moods at a bar he came up with the other interchange student Eva, telling about this party he was moments earlier. "Is it good?" someone asked, to which he replied: "uhh, meh... it's packed up with girls!" Yes, yes you're right! I instantly had that smile on my face and instantly started doing my favorite thing to do.

They like to talk about forever, but I'd rather be happy now, live the moment. I'm not preoccupied if this will be a summer thing, if I'll never party with these guys as we're partying now. And this feeling of looseness had cleaned my nicotined lungs and mind. What will happen in the end? Really, it's about time you realized I don't care.

[Song: Erica America - Saint Etienne]

"Probably"

The funniest part of it all
Is that we never plan’d anything
We were on our own
We never meant to meet

But fate decides to throw a ball
Implied it was gay themed
Friends having the best of shows
Acquaintances revive the link

The past it gone
We all know that
But things could still be hell

Instead we had
Grea’ fun bein’ done
Guess things end’ up so well

Explanation of this on the next post...

[Song: Only Love Can Break Your Heart - Saint Etienne]