YSL Is Dead!

I'm shocked cos I only read about it today!

One of the greatest Fashion designers the world will ever see he raised fashion to the status of art, at the same time he was a libertarian dignifying women's position on society. He was the responsible for the publishing of the first black cover girl - Naomi Campbell. Saint Laurent promissed advertising retaliation if they put the cover off. Always brave and fearless to be controversial his brand released a perfume called Cocaine, and guess who was the chosen model?

Yes, she!! >>>

I don't know much about YSL's life but as soon as I learned to like fashion I learned to admire the beautiful clothes designed by him that made clothing more than a necessity but a beautiful and luxurious way to express ourselves.

RIP.

Adieu Uli

Last night I posted on my movie blog about how every classic artist has been dying this year. During the night a classic figure in my life passed away: Ulisses, our oldest dog, got horribly sicky overnight and died this morning. Dad says it could've been a heart attack... but who cares?
Ulisses was a character! As young he used to be the bitchy thing that bickered whenever you approached him; he was carrying things around as if saying "hey, you came! look, i can carry things!" As he got older, he became the most blasé dog in the house: he loved us to pet him, but snarled at first, just for the sake of bitching. He had those low eyes and we suspected he was becoming blind, because he'd stare at the same spot for very long minutes. Still he was a lovely thing to have a round.
I shall miss him very much - especially because he was my most loved companion on drunk nights, when I'd get home alone and he'd already be waiting for me on my bedroom's door.
Rest in peace Uli.
[Song: Não É Fácil - Marisa Monte]

Admiration

While I still try to place my head around Ledger's death I hear things from a friend that made me shrug and blush. He said I was someone he learned to admire a lot; that my behaviour and actions somehow became lessons even if I didn't notice.

There's a silly bug inside me that always looked for people's attention and admiration. Despite my eloquent tone and sometimes outrageous manners and thoughts, I have a little shyness hidden the many layers of my being. These layers, mostly carved and constructed during the most recent years of my life are results of a willingness of going deeper and deeper in what I am and what I stand for. I guess that the moment I stopped trying to show who I am and what I'm capable of and simply did my thing, people probably to see these things and start finally admiring me.

This deliberate self-indulgent talk is also the sel-recognition that I have good to give and share. On the posts below I mention the million possibilities dead with Heath, and I suddenly remember a Virginia Woolf line in The Hours; when questioned by her husband why would someone had to die, she with her deep and hoarse voice replies: "Someone has to die in order that the rest of us should value life more. It's contrast."

All my layers, all my principles, all my thoughts and actions, aren't [most of the time] loosed in the wind as I learn that thoughtfulness is the best path to serenity. That I am admired by others makes me fuzzy and perky I cannot deny; but what makes myself mostly fulfilled is that I'm myself's most admire, and no one can take that I away from me.

[Song: Liz On The Top Of The World - Dario Marianelli]

The Young Death

I'm still trying to cope with my feelings towards Heath Ledger's death.

For a while I was feeling guilty for being sad about the death of a celebrity while tons of people die this young here in Brasil. Then I started to think why was I sad and why should I feel guilty. First, just because he was a celebrity doesn't mean we can't feel his death; I read this on TFE:

"It's a media saturated voyeuristic age and we are essentially encouraged from all sides to be interested in the lives of beautiful strangers. And the movies have always served as an enticing proxy, a heightened version of real life; Experience this story. Feel this catharsis. Relate to this performance."

That way my guilt for mourning someone famous' death more than I mourned my granduncle's went away. It's not like I'm putting Ledger on the stupid "hero" pedestal, but to understand my feelings towards it I'm considering his death as not a "celebrity tragic death", but as "a young man's tragic death".

As every other young man, Heath Ledger was a well of possibilities; the difference is that we knew it because the media showed/told us all the time and we chose to see/listent to it. But that's where my feelings stop, I guess. I'm not worried in defining how and why Ledger died; my heart is only trying to understand why his death is tragic. And that's what I wrote on the previous post mean.

Those lesser things will be learned by us after scientific report about his death. Autopsy will determine how and why he died. For now I can only think what does it all mean to mean...

[Song: I Don't Blame You - Cat Power]

Heath Ledger And The Infinite Possibilities

Ever since watched on 10 Things I Hate About You Heath Ledger was for me a rising star. With his sexy and piercing Australian smile he shone before my eyes whenever I saw him onscreen. Firstly all the hype gotten with Brokeback Mountain excited me, then it bored me because BBM bored me; but his performance was never snubbed in my mind. For me he was already a great actor of his generation.

Celebrities in our time are the kings and queens of the past; and the media's high speed makes us know about their lives faster, having us feeling intimate with them more than what we wished. So, when a celebrity dies it's normal to have a commotion everywhere. To learn about Heath's sudden death was and has been shocking. People, and even us sometimes, might act skeptic about feelings over a stranger's death, but any death is close.

Now, as I mull over the facts and see how much people are putting the effort in trying to figure out such sudden loss, I feel my heart weight down and my mind wheel as I read more and more stuff about his supposed last hours. Why? Why am I affected by a distant celebrity's departure?

I guess that the reason lies more on what Ledger represented to me and my generation than Ledger himself.

Ledger represented the young promises, the infinite possibilities, the limitless ability and capacity. He characterized youth and his deep and long future. And with his death, it is the death of all of those things. No one imagines someone dying so young and that's why it's so shocking, especially because his deeds has been serving as models for many others from his age or younger. At this moment I not only speak of Mr. Ledger, but also of every promising youngster - famous or not - who died before all the promises inherent to his being became facts.

Heath Ledger however, will also be very missed.

Full Circle

At the beginning of the year, my summer was marked by something inevitable. On Christmas Day it happened again.

December's 24th - My sister and I arrived in Salvador from Conquista and hell what a crappy trip! We took a nap [against her will] and around 11 she went to my grandma's I went for shopping. I got me December's Vogue, Prada's soundtrack, Maria Bethânia's Mel and Grease Rockin' Edition. [Me wants that jacket for miself!] When I got at granny's I was received by the old woman herself, my mom and aunt; with them I felt great but uhg talk about weirdness. They all know I'm gay because my mom drama-ed about it yelling and crying out loud to everyone how disappointed she was; my mom's family is protestant, so do the math. When I took my Vogue out of the bag my mom and aunt asked loudly "why do you read Vogue?" I didn't dignify the question with an answer and started flipping the pages, smelling the gorgeous perfumes, which they soon came to do as well. Later my mom and I started to talk about my sister and in a way only mothers can do she twisted the whole conversation turning it into my sexuality subject and my father's acceptance about it. [Her theory goes that I only stuck to my father's side all these years because I was preparing land to come out and have the support - with her it's about "trades" and competitions and she's the first to scream "spirituality" to whatever is told. Yaaay Christmas!!]

Since nothing was going to happen at my grandma's mom and I went to our cousin's home where I'd meet my godfather and his family and some other relatives. It wasn't a marvelous evening but I had my fun [read: loads of food and a glass of whisky]. I of course had more talk with the kids than the adults and after supper I slept.

December's 25th - I woke up after a horrible night at the floor [my grandma's house has a million people and no extra bed]. I took a shower and prepared myself to go to my [other] aunt's lan-house when I spoted my mom approaching and decided to go later in order to have lunch. As we got in my aunt was nervous by the phone sided by my cousin; minutes later we hear the loud cries and the news: Junior's [my cousin] father had passed away. Right there on Christmas Day, at lunch hour.

Coming to think now, 2006 was a complete year, a full circle started by someone's death and ended by someone else's death. Both of my dead "uncles" were ex-husbands from aunts of mine from either side of my family, as some kind of cosmical balance. The Death is a common subject for millenia and it's not everyone that has the "luck" to be surround by it on the different extremes of the year. When it happens it's time to think about ourselves what we've been doing with our lives, and when it happens at such moment it's a duty to do so. My uncle died from a heart attack, he had a rather wild life style filled with drinks, ciggaretes and sex. Ha, the life style Lucas wants! Not exactly, but yeah. The thing is that somehow his death sealed the year and opened the window to the next's main goal: live more!

I wish you all a Happy New Year!
Much love, blessings, self-knowledge and of course,
Light.

[Song: Isaac - Madonna]