“If I kiss you where it’s sore? Will you feel better? Will you feel nothing at all?”
Funny, the other day I found a text I wrote more or less a year ago. It’s called “Drunk” in which I say about getting drunk to ease the pain. I loved coming across it because it’s a proof of my rut: I realized that from late Feb to March I get into a needy bitterness that is often triggered by heartbreak.
Back then I taped myself to a more dramatic soundtrack, read: Kylie’s Put Yourself In My Place and Drunk. This time I have extremes, both hurt of course but one is a bit romantically lame while the other is more moving on-ish.
Lame things first. Regina Spektor’s Better has been into my mind ever since I went back to Conquista to get the rest of my stuff. The quotation on the first paragraph is from it and this song has a little story. As you know January was a marvelous month for me; in one of my sunset viewings with The Cigarette Club I [now] remember starting to feel the sentiments I’m today willing to leave behind. Everybody [but Bel] was there; Eder was there. It was a lovely dusk with beautiful scenery, cute reencounters, cigarettes and flirtatious smiles. In Diego’s car Regina Spektor’s Fidelity started to play and I offered my CD that contained the Begin To Hope album [which was never returned till this date]; and there she was swaying one of the prettiest sunsets I’ve seen so far while certain things had their commencements.
The other song is Cardigans’ Erase/Rewind, which I posted about already. “Better” is romantic/lame [in a good way, I must point out] because it’s my masochism wanting to hold things that are probably expired. Although it’s not so simple to erase and rewind [I’d say it’s impossible without the help of Miss Alzheimer and Miss Lobotomy], Dido already testified that “it’s high time you left it there.” So I sing “Erase/Rewind” to try to wake up the strong independent Samantha Jones in me who just shakes the crap off and moves the line on. But instead, I think I can’t have him kissing where it’s sore, so I daydream and feed ego.
If in the end I decide to waste time and compare the situations [this and last year’s heartbreaks], I could say that last year I was in way better position. Because at least back then I was drunk. Note to self: buy booze Lucas.
[Song: Better – Regina Spektor]
[Song 2: Erase/Rewind – The Cardigans]
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2 comments:
Send me cachaca too!
"optimists [or even the defeatists] claim that the calmness is the prelude of something big that is to come. since i'm a cinical and unbeliever bitch i'd rather anticipate nothing."
I don't think it's a cynical position, i actually believe it's a very wise one. I personally believe you have to dream big and hope for the best, but when you are anticipating it as in taking it for granted, you are in for a big disappointment. So I realise it's a bit tricky, but it's better to hope, not anticipate.
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