Wednesday, November 30, 2005

The Cady Syndrome

This week on Kabbalah we're supposed to make a stand and choose between being good or bad. For Kabbalah (and also for me), worst than being bad is being none one nor another. To be in the middle of both means you contribute in nothing to life's wheel. Surely we must all be good and work our way towards the Light and honestly that's the path I decided to choose.

It's funny when I look back at my adolescence, I realize I was just like Lindsay Lohan's character in Mean Girls, Cady Heron. I was able to do all these horrible things as saying bad things about someone at their back and sabbotaging people, and acting like an angel. In other words, I would never dare to take the blame for my own actions in will to keep a good image to others. I was always standing in the middle, never taking chances and responsabilities.

I'm sure that now I'm not such person. Since I started studing Kabbalah, along with a year during analisys with a shrink, I've been changing my actions for a more proactive behavior. And now, during the last days of Scorpio, I'm even more commited to chalenge myself to the good. And as Cady, I'll be sucking the poison out of me.

Even though I try not to care about people saying things every time I turn my back, I still hate such thing, so I'm doing this anymore. I have to tell myself if I like that person or not and never act nicely around them, while I'm monster in their absence. To gain trust we must give a trustworth behavior and this is how I'm more accomplished to be.

Aside from the soulsearching actions, my life's ok. My PC died once more and here I am at college's computer having a girlie boy flirting with me once in a while, I'm still sick, my flu's killing me. I'm re-reading The Little Prince, my bigtime childhood book, I'm hooked on Kylie again (Better The Devil You Know is playing in my brains all day long); I'm anxious about my big Xtmas trip and the possibility to finally meet my hubby, and... I think that's all. Just for the record, Madonna rocks!!!

(Song: Mer Girl - Madonna)

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Terrible Mood

I'm getting a flu. My nose is unbearably itching, my head aches, I feel sleepy all day long, my breath's "weird" (not to say stinky u.u), my throat's sore and my mood's in limbo.

I'm feeling kind of worried about my dad's visit on Wednesday, my English and French courses, and I feel mostly numb, like I lost power of action. I think I must pray in these cases.

I also feel like spending money. Christmas's coming and this time of year ALWAYS increases 10 times the strength of the Shopper Beast inside me. Here goes my list for this year:

1. Madonna's Confessions On A Dance Floor - Limited Edition;
2. Kylie Minogue's Impossible Princcess;
3. Kylie Minogue's KM 1994;
4. Joss Stone's Mind Body & Soul - Special Edition;
5. Kylie Minogue's Greatest Hits 87-97; (almost buyed)
6. (DVD) Kylie Minogue's Ultimate Kylie; (almost buyed)
7. (DVD) Kylie Minogue's On The Go Japan; (almost buyed)
8. (Book) Harry Potter and The Half-Blood Prince (Brazillian Edition);
9. (DVD) Box - Harry Potter: The Philosopher's Stone + The Chamebr Of Secrets + The Priosioner Of Azkaban.

Well, I just can remeber these now. And of course I plan to buy things for people, but Lucas first! After all, that's what's Christmas all about, spending our money (or our dad's) in gifts for ourselves. \o/

(Song: Kylie Festival: Cowbow Style, Say Hey, Too Far, Confide In Me and If I Was Your Lover.)

Friday, November 18, 2005

Dear Santa...

... I know I have been a less than behaved boy this year. My inconstant ups and downs had affected some people around me and hurt others I love, I did not give myself to the studies as much as I could, and should, and for these reasons I will not ask for much.

Here is the thing, Santa, I pierced my nose. And to be utterly honest, I loved it! It played with my image. I feel edgy and bolder, as if my
oh so boring classic “sweet look” met this rebel wannabe and their blend worked for me. And sounds kind of foolish, but it did give me a sense of freedom, since I pierced my nose, I can dare to do and accomplish more in my life. It all may sound drama queen-ish and narcissistic, but you know well how I can get down like that sometimes

Anyway, let us go to my actual wish for this Christmas. See Santa, suddenly, looks like the whole world got affected by an epidemic
cheap honesty
. Suddenly, people are saying whatever the feel like, whether they are requested or not, not even caring if they will hurt some feelings. I know that because since I pierced my nose, I had these unknown people telling me their opinions about it, especially those I never asked to. This fake sincerity only hurts and feeds egos; I feel I have been controlling mine, by only giving my opinions when they are requested.

But Santa, this letter is not to ask for real and down-to-earth sincerity to human beings. I believe it is not up to me to ask such thing for them, since I only know what is good or bad for me. So Santa, I just wrote this letter to ask you to give me the power of letting go. All I wish for Christmas is to know how to turn off and do not let people’s evil comments affect me and my mood.

Merci beacoup


(Song: Annie - Vanessa Carlton [not a Christmas song, but it's inspiring].)

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

The Importance Of Being Fanatic

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Once, somebody called fanatic for loving Madonna in a way I rarely see disappointing things on the things she does. Tonight, Madonna performed at Koko in London, in response to the (official) launch of her new album, Confessions On A Dance Floor. And then, this person came to me and told me again I was fanatic for being so excited to be watching the performance live at AOL. She told me she would prefer to wait to download and that I was fanatic for being thrilled about the live gig (note: she's a - supposed - Madge fan). Well, leaving the whole drama about, let's cut to Koko's telecast.

The gig was wonderful. Although her voice wasn't as perfect as in her latest Re-Invention Tour, it was still great! It was a normal gig, like the ones she usually does on her promo-tours. The Brixton Academy show (2001), from Music promotion, had only 4 or 5 songs, if I'm not msitaken, and all the gigs from American Life promo-tour had at max 6 songs. So, back to Koko:

Hung Up was what we've been seeing from TV performances. Same choreography, attitude, etc etc. She sang it perfectly.

Get Together was awfully beautiful and the backup dancers gave a special touch from what we've seen at Star Academy (France) and Parkinson's (UK) performances.

I Love New York was simply perfect!!! The intro speech was marvelous and I just added the "NY State Of Mind" to my vocabulay and behavior. The rock-dance touch given to the instrumental was fucking juicy and Madonna throwing herself up and down, rebelling, jumping, waving and shaking her booty was genious, the same goes to the scream at the "New York is not for little pussies who scream" line. :P

And M-O-T-H-E-R-F-U-C-K-E-R!!! What was Let It Will Be?!?!?! The remix was wonderful, evebn more dancey than the original version and by the middle, when the string arrangements return to the song, it gave me chills and butterflies. Some (dumb) fans claimed she untuned the whole song. Thank G-d I have some modest vocal technique notion, but enough to know she did NOT untune the whole song. If depended on some fans to measure Madonna's vocal skills, she'd be a lousy karaoke singer. Finally, did she untune? Yes, at the beginning, at the second line if I'm not once again mistake, but just as the European Music Awards' performance, it was nothing that doomed the whole thing. Ohhh... she dancing and throwing her hair was dang hot! And walking around with the hand into her pants (close to the panana - view photo above) was edgy and sassy, just like the old and "lovely" Madge we know.

Everybody was adorable. Seeing her performing it after 12 years is delicious (last time at the 1993 Girlie Show Tour). It was revisited, basically the Girlie Show's arrangement with a COADF sonority, however. I cannot rave too much on it since I just watched the very beginning and the ending (AOL died). I loved when she told people to sing while she danced. Of course, everyone faithfully obeyed.

In conclusion, Madonna saved my day. She NEVER lets me down and if it turns me into a fanatic, thank G-d I am! At least I'm happy and have loads of fun!

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(Song: the whole Confessions On A Dance Floor by G-d (aka Madonna).)

Saturday, November 12, 2005


I have no idea how to title this post. But the thing is, I'm in São Paulo and yes, of course, I'm loving it, though I didn't have any sleep since I got here (at 5am of today after a 6-hours sleepless bus trip).

Now I'm chatting with my hubby and telling him how much I love him... lol, I feel stupidly in love! YAAAAY!! \o/

I'm okay, even having to go back to Marilia earlier than the expected, because of Fernanda's prom.

(Song: Undiscovered - Ashlee Simpson)

Friday, November 11, 2005

As Good As It Gets...

Well... if it were raining here, I'd be Don Lockwood, but instead of showmaking, I'de be shaking my ass while any track of Confessions On A Dance Floor would be playing... or Hollaback Girl!! :P

First and foremost, I'm in love again with the one I trully never had let go. And it's amazing. You see, sometimes we mistake care with need. The last one enslaves and maintain us into the unreal, hindering us to evolve with the Universe. The first one in the other hand is sweet, fulfilling and against all prejudices (and previous thoughts of mine) frees us sweetly. It feels so good to care and being cared about someone, and feel that at that very moment. It feels amazing to wake up everyday thinking in making someone happy, and in the end when you realize you're really making someone happy... it's the best feeling. I now just thank him for pushing me to see the other point of view.

I'm going to São Paulo tonight!! This time my sister is going with me and we'll try to adventure ourselves into the stone-jungle that Sampa is..... oh-oh right now, at this exact moment, I realized I'm screwed!! LOL... My sister just told me one of my best friends prom is on Monday, and I was supposed to be back here only next Tuesday!! OMG!! One more drama to be solved until 6pm. LOL!

Well, let's see what happens.

(Song: Wake Up/Your House - Alanis Morissette)

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Warm inside...

Last night was AMAZING!!! It was Marilia's birthday and we went out. The last happenings of the week, between me and someone had left kinda low, but yesterday I decided to have fun. And I did!!

We went to this chic bar called Cachaçaria. Since I'm saving to buy the Confessions On A Dance Floor, I didn't spend a penny on booze. But of course I drank from other people's glasses!! I had a lot of fun with the girls, especially with Karla (my glass partner). She's crazy!! We spent the night trashing people. I laughed my ass off! There was this guy (HOOOT!) she said to be the lost Menudo. She's evil!! And I love it!!

Unpleasant moments: 1, Marilia pissed off because Lucas wanted to go home and, 2, Lucas thinking about someone. But Lucas didn't them ruin the night and he had the best fun in a long time.

Thursday: other party!! \o/

(Song: Hung Up - Madonna - The one I wanted to dance all night long.)