The 7th Of January, 2006 – “The Art”
I really could not not mention the importance of movies in my summer. Last year, trapped in laziness, I failed to watch many great films on theatres, and now DVDs tend to bore me. This year, however, since I don’t have much to do (this is me being very unfair about Salvador – so don’t take me so serius), I go to the movies.
First one I saw this summer was King Kong. I had great expectations about this. Kong + Peter Jackson + Naomi Watts + Adrien Brody… c’mon! Well, I got a bit disappointed, for it turned out to be less than I expected. The cast was, in my opinion, wasted (I still loved Watts trying to amuse the big monkey, but it started to bore me after a while); besides, the real star is King Kong, aka the special effects. The movie is a visual feast and for that deserves to be watched. It wins for its entertaining capacity, but when Jackson tries to add a deep and dramatic tone to the narration (the 1929 crisis scenario, the mystery about the kid of the ship – that ended not being solved – and his relationship with the black cool guy, etc etc), it ends up being very pretentious.
Later on, I saw The Producers. Ha! Amazing!! Come on, anything that has Uma Thruman deserves to be watched! (Even crappy Be Cool – although I don’t have the guts to spend my money renting it.) Anyways, The Producers was the first musical I ever saw on the silver screen and it was dazzling. The cast is unquestionable (Uma , Nathan Lane and Mathew Broderick are G-d and Will Ferell is perfect), the songs keep coming in and out of my brains, the dancing scenes are delicious, the dialogues are funny, sarchastic and smart. I so loved it I even watched twice! And I’m sure I’ll watch more (because there’s absoluteluy nothing interesting to be watched now).
I also saw this “OK” thriller, Stay, with Ewan “HOT” McGregor, Naomi “Always Great” Watts and Ryan “Yummy” Goshlin.
Then, tonight, I saw a new Brazillian romantic comedy, ...Se Eu Fosse Você. Cool comedy about a couple that trades body (he becomes her and vice-versa)… no surprise! But it turned out to be funny and unpretentious. Besides, the lead actors, Glória Pires and Tony Ramos, are geniuses!
So, against my dad’s will we remained on the mall to see one more movie. The most awaited (by me) of the season: The Family Stone. I already knew Sarah Jessica Parker was nomineed for the Golden Globes, for this movie, but my main interest was my darling, loving, beautiful Rachel McAdams. Nevertheless, I got surprised by the whole cast. It’s the most adorable cast I’ve seen in ages! You absolutely love everyone in it. The movie is a bit Winter/Christmas Hollywood cliché, that everyone gets touched by the snow (what’s so thrilling about it anyway?), you laugh all the time and in end get all teary-eyed. But the cast saves it all: Diane Keaton is G-d, Luke Wilson is so sexy, hot and yummy as the geeky brother, same goes for McAdams (I already raved on her, so I’ll give you a break now), Claire Danes who is beyond beautiful, lovely and stunning, and Sarah, of course, is perfect! I’ll certainly be happy if she gets the Globe.
Saturday, February 18, 2006
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
The Songs Of 2005
I can’t even remember when music started to be one of the greatest parts of my daily life. Everyone who knows me personally, knows I’m always singing something and while all my friends spend their money in clothes, shoes or alcohol, every little penny I get goes to music industry. Despite of hearing more artists than I did in 2004, 2005 was a very homogeneous year as well. During the year, there were months or bimesters I could only hear one artist. From March to May, for example, Natalie Imbruglia reigned on my CD player. Here the list goes:
1. Hung Up (Madonna): Jose will call me a jealous bitch, because he had written the same post on his blog and the first song of his list is the same of mine. But since he knows I’m a Madge freak like him, he’ll understand no other song could occupy this spot of the list. Well, “Hung Up” was the best thing of 2005. After months of anticipation and a short and unexpected period of musical boredom (dark days when music died… to be more specific: when Mariah Carey and J-Lo were everywhere – bitter drama queen moment), “Hung Up” leaked “and everything went from wrong to right”. I was sure Madonna’s new single would knock me down as soon as I heard it, and it did: ask my knees and feet if they are the same after Hung Up’s launch.
PS: This spot actually belongs to the whole Confessions On A Dance Floor album, but since I can’t put an entire album in it, I chose its ambassador: “Hung Up”.
2. Confide In Me (Kylie Minogue): 2005 was the year that I became a Kylie fan. Ironically, the year before I used to loathe her. After Jose and the “Madonna environment” inject Kylie slowly into my veins, I started to look up for more of her. So I knew Spinning Around, The Loco-Motion, etc etc. I Believe In You and Giving You Up had made me Kylie-friendly months before, but when I bought Ultimate Kylie, it was “Confide In Me” that made me lose my mind. For a latin drama queen like me, that string section is heaven.
3. Counting Down The Days (Natalie Imbruglia): This woman swayed the first part of my relationship with Vag. I definitelly became a fan, for I have all of her albums, but what makes me love this woman is the fact that each song written by her fits perfectly in a certain moment of ours. “Counting Down The Days” is rather obvious, but there’s also, Satellite and Come September from the White Lilies Island album. Now, all of her songs make me think of something that is in the past and sound very aged.
4. Confessions Of A Broken Heart (Lindsay Lohan): After Rumors and Over I thought Lindsay’s music career was worthless attention. When I first heard “Confessions Of A Broken Heart”, however, something inside me clicked: “she’s genius!” With simple and kind of obvious lyrics, this song is interesting because it reveals a part of La Lohan that most of us don’t know (or don’t care to know): the deep, heartfelt girl who lives under the celebrity skin. I was always a fan of her movie career, but after this I love everything she does.
5. Humble Me (Norah Jones): Do you know how many times I must’ve heard this song last year? Neither do I. Strangely enough, it stuck into my brains for the entire year! I lost count of the times I caught myself singing or hmm-ing it while I walked around Marilia.
6. Hollaback Girl (Gwen Stefani): I spent an exact year into Gwen Stefani. In 2004, What You Waiting For? and Rich Girl blew my mind, and when I downloaded the whole album, Cool and The Real Thing were the best things of that year aside Madonna, and it (the album) made me not only a Gwen fan, but also, a No Doubt fan. In 2005, in a moment I thought I’d be already out of Gwen, “Hollaback Girl” hit Brazil. I knew it before, of course, but just then it blew my mind. The sassy, fun and misunderstood lyrics are delightful, it’s the beat, nevertheless, that wins. There’s no way I hear Hollaback Girl and don’t shake my ass like a good ho.
7. Don’t Cha Wanna Ride? (Joss Stone): Just because it’s my song with Nathalia. She turned out to be one of my best friends and this song makes me think of her. Besides, it’s fun, unpretencious and cool: as music is supposed to be.
8. Aire (Fey/Mecano): Whether sung by Fey or Ana Torrojan, this song is perfect by its surreal deepness. Jose, firstly, got me into Fey. However, the song sung by her that I loved was “Aire”, so it was just a step for me to become a Mecano admirer.
9. Pieces Of Me (Ashlee Simpson): Ha! This one’s the best! I H-A-T-E-D Ashlee Simpson. For me, she was just someone who was taking the ride of her unbearable sister’s (Jessica Simpson) fame to release an album. Suddenly, “Pieces Of Me” hooked into my mind for almost a week and I decided to finally listen to her music, so I could have basis for criticism. Ha, it bit my ass, because instead of hating it, I loved and now I’m a fan!
10. Over To You Now (Britney Spears): Right after Britney’s marriage I started to refuse her, and don’t even ask why because I don’t know, and don’t care in investigating. But after a whole year ignoring her work I simply couldn’t ignore this song, released as a b-side from the Japanese edit of Someday (I Will Understand). It rapidly entered my and Jose’s Sluts On A Dance Floor playlist and it turned me into a hopeless fan again.
11. Ainda Bem (Vanessa da Mata): This is the first Brazillian artist I become a fan since Sandy and Junior. My father introduced me to Vanessa’s music and at first I didn’t care much, but soon I fell in love with “Ainda Bem” and the Essa Boneca Tem Manual album.
12. Night And Day (Ella Fitzgerald): This one is simple: Cole Porter is genius and Ella Fitzgerald is G-d! “Night And Day” is the song that got me back into Jazz, especially Ella. This song gives me chills up and down my spine, I get butterflies in my stomach when it plays and my heart speeds up. But only Miss Fitzgerald’s version turns me on like that.
13. Screwed (Paris Hilton)/ Bucky Done Gun (M.I.A.)/ Dako É Bom (Tati Quebra Barraco): Just for the sake of being sassy, frivolous and trivial every now and then. Just for the sake of shaking my ass and being a slut whenever I feel like it. Just for the sake of doing whatever I want and listening to whatever I want to.
Others:
14. All I Really Want – Acoustic Version (Alanis Morissette) = …give me butteflies…
15. Better The Devil You Know/Shocked/What Do I Have To Do? (Kylie Minogue) = …3 Dance Music anthems…
16. Lala (Ashlee Simpson) = …sexy and cool…
17. Step Back In Time (Kylie Minogue) = …last tune of the year…
18. Whenever You Feel Like It (Kylie Minogue) = …cute and makes me dance…
19. Do Somethin’ (Britney Spears) = …infectious…
20. Rumors/Over (Lindsay Lohan) = …first is a slut hymn… second is beautiful…
21. Everlasting Love/Twentysomething/But For Now (Jamie Cullum) = …just because Cullum’s damn cute and deserves to be in this list.
1. Hung Up (Madonna): Jose will call me a jealous bitch, because he had written the same post on his blog and the first song of his list is the same of mine. But since he knows I’m a Madge freak like him, he’ll understand no other song could occupy this spot of the list. Well, “Hung Up” was the best thing of 2005. After months of anticipation and a short and unexpected period of musical boredom (dark days when music died… to be more specific: when Mariah Carey and J-Lo were everywhere – bitter drama queen moment), “Hung Up” leaked “and everything went from wrong to right”. I was sure Madonna’s new single would knock me down as soon as I heard it, and it did: ask my knees and feet if they are the same after Hung Up’s launch.
PS: This spot actually belongs to the whole Confessions On A Dance Floor album, but since I can’t put an entire album in it, I chose its ambassador: “Hung Up”.
2. Confide In Me (Kylie Minogue): 2005 was the year that I became a Kylie fan. Ironically, the year before I used to loathe her. After Jose and the “Madonna environment” inject Kylie slowly into my veins, I started to look up for more of her. So I knew Spinning Around, The Loco-Motion, etc etc. I Believe In You and Giving You Up had made me Kylie-friendly months before, but when I bought Ultimate Kylie, it was “Confide In Me” that made me lose my mind. For a latin drama queen like me, that string section is heaven.
3. Counting Down The Days (Natalie Imbruglia): This woman swayed the first part of my relationship with Vag. I definitelly became a fan, for I have all of her albums, but what makes me love this woman is the fact that each song written by her fits perfectly in a certain moment of ours. “Counting Down The Days” is rather obvious, but there’s also, Satellite and Come September from the White Lilies Island album. Now, all of her songs make me think of something that is in the past and sound very aged.
4. Confessions Of A Broken Heart (Lindsay Lohan): After Rumors and Over I thought Lindsay’s music career was worthless attention. When I first heard “Confessions Of A Broken Heart”, however, something inside me clicked: “she’s genius!” With simple and kind of obvious lyrics, this song is interesting because it reveals a part of La Lohan that most of us don’t know (or don’t care to know): the deep, heartfelt girl who lives under the celebrity skin. I was always a fan of her movie career, but after this I love everything she does.
5. Humble Me (Norah Jones): Do you know how many times I must’ve heard this song last year? Neither do I. Strangely enough, it stuck into my brains for the entire year! I lost count of the times I caught myself singing or hmm-ing it while I walked around Marilia.
6. Hollaback Girl (Gwen Stefani): I spent an exact year into Gwen Stefani. In 2004, What You Waiting For? and Rich Girl blew my mind, and when I downloaded the whole album, Cool and The Real Thing were the best things of that year aside Madonna, and it (the album) made me not only a Gwen fan, but also, a No Doubt fan. In 2005, in a moment I thought I’d be already out of Gwen, “Hollaback Girl” hit Brazil. I knew it before, of course, but just then it blew my mind. The sassy, fun and misunderstood lyrics are delightful, it’s the beat, nevertheless, that wins. There’s no way I hear Hollaback Girl and don’t shake my ass like a good ho.
7. Don’t Cha Wanna Ride? (Joss Stone): Just because it’s my song with Nathalia. She turned out to be one of my best friends and this song makes me think of her. Besides, it’s fun, unpretencious and cool: as music is supposed to be.
8. Aire (Fey/Mecano): Whether sung by Fey or Ana Torrojan, this song is perfect by its surreal deepness. Jose, firstly, got me into Fey. However, the song sung by her that I loved was “Aire”, so it was just a step for me to become a Mecano admirer.
9. Pieces Of Me (Ashlee Simpson): Ha! This one’s the best! I H-A-T-E-D Ashlee Simpson. For me, she was just someone who was taking the ride of her unbearable sister’s (Jessica Simpson) fame to release an album. Suddenly, “Pieces Of Me” hooked into my mind for almost a week and I decided to finally listen to her music, so I could have basis for criticism. Ha, it bit my ass, because instead of hating it, I loved and now I’m a fan!
10. Over To You Now (Britney Spears): Right after Britney’s marriage I started to refuse her, and don’t even ask why because I don’t know, and don’t care in investigating. But after a whole year ignoring her work I simply couldn’t ignore this song, released as a b-side from the Japanese edit of Someday (I Will Understand). It rapidly entered my and Jose’s Sluts On A Dance Floor playlist and it turned me into a hopeless fan again.
11. Ainda Bem (Vanessa da Mata): This is the first Brazillian artist I become a fan since Sandy and Junior. My father introduced me to Vanessa’s music and at first I didn’t care much, but soon I fell in love with “Ainda Bem” and the Essa Boneca Tem Manual album.
12. Night And Day (Ella Fitzgerald): This one is simple: Cole Porter is genius and Ella Fitzgerald is G-d! “Night And Day” is the song that got me back into Jazz, especially Ella. This song gives me chills up and down my spine, I get butterflies in my stomach when it plays and my heart speeds up. But only Miss Fitzgerald’s version turns me on like that.
13. Screwed (Paris Hilton)/ Bucky Done Gun (M.I.A.)/ Dako É Bom (Tati Quebra Barraco): Just for the sake of being sassy, frivolous and trivial every now and then. Just for the sake of shaking my ass and being a slut whenever I feel like it. Just for the sake of doing whatever I want and listening to whatever I want to.
Others:
14. All I Really Want – Acoustic Version (Alanis Morissette) = …give me butteflies…
15. Better The Devil You Know/Shocked/What Do I Have To Do? (Kylie Minogue) = …3 Dance Music anthems…
16. Lala (Ashlee Simpson) = …sexy and cool…
17. Step Back In Time (Kylie Minogue) = …last tune of the year…
18. Whenever You Feel Like It (Kylie Minogue) = …cute and makes me dance…
19. Do Somethin’ (Britney Spears) = …infectious…
20. Rumors/Over (Lindsay Lohan) = …first is a slut hymn… second is beautiful…
21. Everlasting Love/Twentysomething/But For Now (Jamie Cullum) = …just because Cullum’s damn cute and deserves to be in this list.
Sunday, February 12, 2006
The Summer Journals (Part 5)
The 4th Of January, 2006 – “The Frivolous”
Boys: definitelly my second favorite thing in Salvador. After 3 weeks here, I’ve realized that to live here again, I would have to make a serious psychological treatment to control myself in front of so many hot men. When Adriana Calcanhotto wrote about Cariocas (born in Rio de Janeiro) beings the best men, she surely didn’t know the Baianos, especially the Soteropolitanos (born in SSA).
As everywhere, Salvador has a lot of hideous men; those types that after a drunk night, if you woke up next to one of them, you’d rather cut off your arm than waking him up (omg! What a drama-queen I am!). But the hot men from here have this naughty thing going on. Fall for a Soteropolitano is certainty of hitting hard the ground. The other night I was going down a slope while this yummy thing was coming up. The motherfucker, besides being shirtless and having the hottest abs I’ve seen so far, had the most delicious scent I’ve smelled so far.
Last night, at the mall, my dad and I sat at this neat pub called “Gengibre”. Oh my, the waiter that served us wasn’t even as gorgeous as the guy mentioned above, but he had an energy and a helpful-ness environment that attracted me like magnet. But that night, after we had watched “The Producers” (genius!), I went to this store to buy a CD and I saw a combo of heaven. The first was this pretty, kind of worked out, with a timid tan, blond guy. He was wearing a red cap and a t-shirt, showing his hot arms. However, his “friend” was the one I wanted to have among my legs. His skin was very white, like milk, and his hair very dark. The lips were cute, red and pouty, and a skinny body like me. He was hot male Snow White! He had to be gay because he asked the salesman the CD that contained the music played at the latest São Paulo Fashion Week. Well, it’s “ok” to be into fashion, but to want the music played at a fashion event… I don’t put my ass on the line for such types… well, perhaps, depending on “the line”.
[Note to self: “You big-fat skinny virgin Queen!!! Salvador’s men are maybe as hot as São Paulo’s, but you’re only finding them greek-gods because you’re more horny than ever! So, get a dick and a room and fuck!]
The other favorite thing that I’m always happy to do here (anywhere actually) is to shop. First, SSA is a touristic town. So everything you see is worth buying (not for the price, but for the pleasure of shopping that in here is multiplied by 3). When you’re in a place where the things you buy get a special meaning, you don’t hesitate buying. Doing a little accounting, in these summer holidays, I have spent so far (not counting film tickets and food):
- Britney Spears -> Britney: The Videos -> $29,90
- Britney Spears -> In The Zone: The Videos -> $29,90
- Klute -> $14,90
- Jamie Cullum -> Catching Tales -> $40
- Britney Spears -> B In The Mix The Remixes -> $35,90
- Joss Stone -> Mind Body & Soul Sessions -> $26,90
- Cansei De Ser Sexy -> Cansei De Ser Sexy -> $29,90
- Alicia Keys -> MTV Unplugged -> $35,90
- Alicia Keys -> MTV Unplugged (DVD) -> $57
- Alanis Morissette -> The Collection -> $29,90
- Madonna -> Confessions On A Dance Floor -> $29,90 (gift for Vag)
Total: $340,10
… And I know there’s more to buy…
[Note: Sounds like I’m Paris Hilton. Well, I like to shop, but I still have a heart… Paris too, but… you know what I mean.]
Boys: definitelly my second favorite thing in Salvador. After 3 weeks here, I’ve realized that to live here again, I would have to make a serious psychological treatment to control myself in front of so many hot men. When Adriana Calcanhotto wrote about Cariocas (born in Rio de Janeiro) beings the best men, she surely didn’t know the Baianos, especially the Soteropolitanos (born in SSA).
As everywhere, Salvador has a lot of hideous men; those types that after a drunk night, if you woke up next to one of them, you’d rather cut off your arm than waking him up (omg! What a drama-queen I am!). But the hot men from here have this naughty thing going on. Fall for a Soteropolitano is certainty of hitting hard the ground. The other night I was going down a slope while this yummy thing was coming up. The motherfucker, besides being shirtless and having the hottest abs I’ve seen so far, had the most delicious scent I’ve smelled so far.
Last night, at the mall, my dad and I sat at this neat pub called “Gengibre”. Oh my, the waiter that served us wasn’t even as gorgeous as the guy mentioned above, but he had an energy and a helpful-ness environment that attracted me like magnet. But that night, after we had watched “The Producers” (genius!), I went to this store to buy a CD and I saw a combo of heaven. The first was this pretty, kind of worked out, with a timid tan, blond guy. He was wearing a red cap and a t-shirt, showing his hot arms. However, his “friend” was the one I wanted to have among my legs. His skin was very white, like milk, and his hair very dark. The lips were cute, red and pouty, and a skinny body like me. He was hot male Snow White! He had to be gay because he asked the salesman the CD that contained the music played at the latest São Paulo Fashion Week. Well, it’s “ok” to be into fashion, but to want the music played at a fashion event… I don’t put my ass on the line for such types… well, perhaps, depending on “the line”.
[Note to self: “You big-fat skinny virgin Queen!!! Salvador’s men are maybe as hot as São Paulo’s, but you’re only finding them greek-gods because you’re more horny than ever! So, get a dick and a room and fuck!]
The other favorite thing that I’m always happy to do here (anywhere actually) is to shop. First, SSA is a touristic town. So everything you see is worth buying (not for the price, but for the pleasure of shopping that in here is multiplied by 3). When you’re in a place where the things you buy get a special meaning, you don’t hesitate buying. Doing a little accounting, in these summer holidays, I have spent so far (not counting film tickets and food):
- Britney Spears -> Britney: The Videos -> $29,90
- Britney Spears -> In The Zone: The Videos -> $29,90
- Klute -> $14,90
- Jamie Cullum -> Catching Tales -> $40
- Britney Spears -> B In The Mix The Remixes -> $35,90
- Joss Stone -> Mind Body & Soul Sessions -> $26,90
- Cansei De Ser Sexy -> Cansei De Ser Sexy -> $29,90
- Alicia Keys -> MTV Unplugged -> $35,90
- Alicia Keys -> MTV Unplugged (DVD) -> $57
- Alanis Morissette -> The Collection -> $29,90
- Madonna -> Confessions On A Dance Floor -> $29,90 (gift for Vag)
Total: $340,10
… And I know there’s more to buy…
[Note: Sounds like I’m Paris Hilton. Well, I like to shop, but I still have a heart… Paris too, but… you know what I mean.]
Friday, February 10, 2006
The Summer Journals (Parts 3 and 4)
The 29th Of December, 2005 – “The After-Shock”
And today I started to feel the after-shock feeling. When the accident happened, I had to reel all kinds of negative feelings in and cross over any weakness. I overcame fear, frustration, anxiety, anger etc etc, for the sake of being strong and supporting my dad, sister and friend. Now they seem to bite my ass. I feel like crying and screaming, when I still have the duty to offer strength.
Here’s the whole story (in few words of course): my dad will spend too much money to fix the car and experience tells me it’ll make things tougher in the future. And I know I should thank for being alive and all (because the accident was pretty ugly for the car, only G-d knows why we were harm-free), and believe me, I do! But being sincere, I cannot help being kind of scared now, for what’s to come… To give my “Drama Queen” share of the day, when I often feel like this, as first escape I shop! But now, I can’t simply ask my dad money to shopping sprees, when I know he’ll spend a lot to fix the car. My life’s a bitch!! (Lol.)
But life goes on. As the Goddess says: “I’m not afraid of what I’ll face, but I’m afraid to stay”. That’ll be my 2006 mantra.
The 1st Of January, 2006 – “The Queer”
The New Year’s Eve was the best of my life! Even though I didn’t make out with anyone (as I wanted), I was in such environment that I felt 2006 would be (at least) as great as 2005. The beautiful, exciting and suis generis energy I was immersed, gave me joy and made me so hopeful. I feel reassured of myself and my skills in making myself happy.
Here’s the whole tale: my dad and I walked almost all the “Oceânea Avenue”, in Salvador, searching for something to do at night. I really wnated to go to the OFF club party, but I would not go to a gay party with my father. So, when we were walking back I saw this chic bar at the corner of Oceânica and Ramos Lemos street: Hospedaira de La Habana. It seemed an average inn/bar at the fancy Barra neighborhood and the price was good, so we bought the tickets.
When we arived at the party, around 10:30, there were all kinds of people: children, couples, foreign people, but I quickly noticed how many queers there were. And when Banda Di Dhendê (an Axé band) started to play, there were more of them than anything else. Oh my G-d! It was my first gay-friendly party, and I was in heaven! They were cheerful, funny, beautiful. But something hindered me: my dad. There was so many cute boys there and I wanted to make out with them all, but my father was always around and I was too chicken-shit to hide with some boy and hook up. (So in the end it was more my fault than his… lol.)
There was this trio, I named them the Destiny’s Queers. They were three gods, with killer bodies and scoundrel faces, acting in a very straight way, as if they were gamblers looking for a New Year’s Eve night stand – and they probably were. Two of them (who seemed more close to each other) seemed to be hooking the third up with another.
But soon the three of them left my eyesight, for I saw Jorge. He was the cutest guy there. The Destiny’s Queers were way hotter than him, but Jorge seemed more real, more close to my reality. He had a skin color of cinnamon and his face had a pair of soothing dark eyes; his lips had an enchanting aspect and exciting gravity. He probably was in his 20’s despite of the boyish look. We flirted all night long and I wanted him so badly. I wished my first hook up of the year to be as beautiful as him: I wanted it to be Jorge. Another thing that until now makes me shiver when I think about him: his hairy arms. I don’t know if I’m a killer for hairy arms, but I’m definitely one for hairy chest, and someone who has arms like his, surely has a hairy chest… oh dear! Besides, he had a stunning sense of style. His clothes matched perfectly and while everyone had worn those canva shoes, that are so fashionable now, he was wearing mustard moccasins. Well, I don’t like canvas shoes.
Uhg! I hate myself!… Because: we flirted all night under my father’s chin but I left it as it. As said above, I didn’t make a bold move in approaching him. In one moment, I was outside the party and he came along with a (girl) friend: “Hi, what’s your name?”, he said. Ironically (as if I could make more fool of myself than being in the urge of grabbing anyone and being too coward to do so “in my father’s presence”), I had a siriguela (a delicious tropical fruit I hadn’t tasted in years) stuck in my mouth. So I had to swallow the fruit and spit the lump beofre answering: “Lucas. Yours?” “Jorge, we talk later, alright?” To which I replied: “okay,” drooling and panting like a silly adolescent. Holy shit! I’m so pathetic.
See, once upon a time, my friend Jose told me that in a party, he flirted with a guy all night long, and in the end he froze and didn’t make out with him. I call him a dumbass and frozen-chicken. Guess we’re in the same frigde now. Anyways, after last night I don’t care anymore, I’ll free the slut inside me and dare to get whoever I want. (Ahem! As if… lol.) So, come 2006!
And today I started to feel the after-shock feeling. When the accident happened, I had to reel all kinds of negative feelings in and cross over any weakness. I overcame fear, frustration, anxiety, anger etc etc, for the sake of being strong and supporting my dad, sister and friend. Now they seem to bite my ass. I feel like crying and screaming, when I still have the duty to offer strength.
Here’s the whole story (in few words of course): my dad will spend too much money to fix the car and experience tells me it’ll make things tougher in the future. And I know I should thank for being alive and all (because the accident was pretty ugly for the car, only G-d knows why we were harm-free), and believe me, I do! But being sincere, I cannot help being kind of scared now, for what’s to come… To give my “Drama Queen” share of the day, when I often feel like this, as first escape I shop! But now, I can’t simply ask my dad money to shopping sprees, when I know he’ll spend a lot to fix the car. My life’s a bitch!! (Lol.)
But life goes on. As the Goddess says: “I’m not afraid of what I’ll face, but I’m afraid to stay”. That’ll be my 2006 mantra.
The 1st Of January, 2006 – “The Queer”
The New Year’s Eve was the best of my life! Even though I didn’t make out with anyone (as I wanted), I was in such environment that I felt 2006 would be (at least) as great as 2005. The beautiful, exciting and suis generis energy I was immersed, gave me joy and made me so hopeful. I feel reassured of myself and my skills in making myself happy.
Here’s the whole tale: my dad and I walked almost all the “Oceânea Avenue”, in Salvador, searching for something to do at night. I really wnated to go to the OFF club party, but I would not go to a gay party with my father. So, when we were walking back I saw this chic bar at the corner of Oceânica and Ramos Lemos street: Hospedaira de La Habana. It seemed an average inn/bar at the fancy Barra neighborhood and the price was good, so we bought the tickets.
When we arived at the party, around 10:30, there were all kinds of people: children, couples, foreign people, but I quickly noticed how many queers there were. And when Banda Di Dhendê (an Axé band) started to play, there were more of them than anything else. Oh my G-d! It was my first gay-friendly party, and I was in heaven! They were cheerful, funny, beautiful. But something hindered me: my dad. There was so many cute boys there and I wanted to make out with them all, but my father was always around and I was too chicken-shit to hide with some boy and hook up. (So in the end it was more my fault than his… lol.)
There was this trio, I named them the Destiny’s Queers. They were three gods, with killer bodies and scoundrel faces, acting in a very straight way, as if they were gamblers looking for a New Year’s Eve night stand – and they probably were. Two of them (who seemed more close to each other) seemed to be hooking the third up with another.
But soon the three of them left my eyesight, for I saw Jorge. He was the cutest guy there. The Destiny’s Queers were way hotter than him, but Jorge seemed more real, more close to my reality. He had a skin color of cinnamon and his face had a pair of soothing dark eyes; his lips had an enchanting aspect and exciting gravity. He probably was in his 20’s despite of the boyish look. We flirted all night long and I wanted him so badly. I wished my first hook up of the year to be as beautiful as him: I wanted it to be Jorge. Another thing that until now makes me shiver when I think about him: his hairy arms. I don’t know if I’m a killer for hairy arms, but I’m definitely one for hairy chest, and someone who has arms like his, surely has a hairy chest… oh dear! Besides, he had a stunning sense of style. His clothes matched perfectly and while everyone had worn those canva shoes, that are so fashionable now, he was wearing mustard moccasins. Well, I don’t like canvas shoes.
Uhg! I hate myself!… Because: we flirted all night under my father’s chin but I left it as it. As said above, I didn’t make a bold move in approaching him. In one moment, I was outside the party and he came along with a (girl) friend: “Hi, what’s your name?”, he said. Ironically (as if I could make more fool of myself than being in the urge of grabbing anyone and being too coward to do so “in my father’s presence”), I had a siriguela (a delicious tropical fruit I hadn’t tasted in years) stuck in my mouth. So I had to swallow the fruit and spit the lump beofre answering: “Lucas. Yours?” “Jorge, we talk later, alright?” To which I replied: “okay,” drooling and panting like a silly adolescent. Holy shit! I’m so pathetic.
See, once upon a time, my friend Jose told me that in a party, he flirted with a guy all night long, and in the end he froze and didn’t make out with him. I call him a dumbass and frozen-chicken. Guess we’re in the same frigde now. Anyways, after last night I don’t care anymore, I’ll free the slut inside me and dare to get whoever I want. (Ahem! As if… lol.) So, come 2006!
Monday, February 06, 2006
The Summer Journals (Part 2)
The 27th Of December, 2005 – “The Favorite Spot”
I was always sure of one thing: SSA is a city of hot men. Of course that like every place, it has its disgraces (big-fat drama queer queen moment), but a walk at the Iguatemi Mall (the biggest one of town) is enough to make me “faint”.
Today, after my dad and I went out to buy the car’s new pieces, I made him take me to Iguatemi, my favorite spot in SSA (for several reasons). It’s not even as beautiful or interesting as any other tourist marks from the town, but as a hopeless consumerist kid like me, it’s paradise (I bought Jamie Cullum’s Catching Tales and Britney’s B In The Mix The Remixes this time).
So, while we talked about the most various topics and checked the already known stores, filled with still bubbling post-Christmas shoppers, I couldn’t help checking more human figures out: les garçons.
Talking about them, I was in Inhambupe (where my dad was born and raised) for the Christmas weekend, and I met my gay cousin, Fred. He’s a selfish troubled jerk, but I didn’t hesitate in hooking up with him. And let’s say I kissed more than his mouth and swallowed more than his saliva (EWWW!!!… I’m the biggest bitch!).
Retuning to Salvador’s boys. They’re mesmerizing! I saw this surfist-type while we sat having an ice-cream at the mall. He had his dark blond hair pushed-back, in a very boyish and sexy way, and a killer smile. The distance between us didn’t let me see what colour his eyes were, but anything would match with that yummy tanned skin and muscular arms. Damn! I still shiver whenever I remember him.
If my girlfriend Alais is still in town, we’re going to this gay club called OFF. But I’m so horny for this city’s men, that I’d take the guts to venture and go by myself.
Still at the mall, by the way, when we were leaving, I met an “old” fellow from VCA. Oh my G-d!! He’s way more handsome than the last time a saw him (more than two years ago)! Feels like this town makes people hotter. Anyways, I saw and recognized him, but it took a while for him, who was talking with a guy as hot as him, to notice me. When it happened, I was going downstairs, while he, upstairs. As obvious, all I could think about was in how many ways I would do him.
-------------------------------------------------
February, the 6th (but about last night)
Last night I had my 1st experience at a gay club. OMG! I so loved it!! Music I like (although they never played Hung Up or Sorry), cute boys all around... so many possibilites!
As soon as Alais, Juliana and I got there, a cute long-haired guy caught my eye (my last cyber-boyfriend - heaven forbid! - got me into men with hair), but I regretfully ended up never hooking up with him. However, I got this cute guy called Marcos (ironically, the long-haired guy was also called Marcos), and made out all night long. I so loved it that I'm definitelly going back at that club, hoping to dance my favorite songs, and of course getting more boys.
Life's so good!
I was always sure of one thing: SSA is a city of hot men. Of course that like every place, it has its disgraces (big-fat drama queer queen moment), but a walk at the Iguatemi Mall (the biggest one of town) is enough to make me “faint”.
Today, after my dad and I went out to buy the car’s new pieces, I made him take me to Iguatemi, my favorite spot in SSA (for several reasons). It’s not even as beautiful or interesting as any other tourist marks from the town, but as a hopeless consumerist kid like me, it’s paradise (I bought Jamie Cullum’s Catching Tales and Britney’s B In The Mix The Remixes this time).
So, while we talked about the most various topics and checked the already known stores, filled with still bubbling post-Christmas shoppers, I couldn’t help checking more human figures out: les garçons.
Talking about them, I was in Inhambupe (where my dad was born and raised) for the Christmas weekend, and I met my gay cousin, Fred. He’s a selfish troubled jerk, but I didn’t hesitate in hooking up with him. And let’s say I kissed more than his mouth and swallowed more than his saliva (EWWW!!!… I’m the biggest bitch!).
Retuning to Salvador’s boys. They’re mesmerizing! I saw this surfist-type while we sat having an ice-cream at the mall. He had his dark blond hair pushed-back, in a very boyish and sexy way, and a killer smile. The distance between us didn’t let me see what colour his eyes were, but anything would match with that yummy tanned skin and muscular arms. Damn! I still shiver whenever I remember him.
If my girlfriend Alais is still in town, we’re going to this gay club called OFF. But I’m so horny for this city’s men, that I’d take the guts to venture and go by myself.
Still at the mall, by the way, when we were leaving, I met an “old” fellow from VCA. Oh my G-d!! He’s way more handsome than the last time a saw him (more than two years ago)! Feels like this town makes people hotter. Anyways, I saw and recognized him, but it took a while for him, who was talking with a guy as hot as him, to notice me. When it happened, I was going downstairs, while he, upstairs. As obvious, all I could think about was in how many ways I would do him.
-------------------------------------------------
February, the 6th (but about last night)
Last night I had my 1st experience at a gay club. OMG! I so loved it!! Music I like (although they never played Hung Up or Sorry), cute boys all around... so many possibilites!
As soon as Alais, Juliana and I got there, a cute long-haired guy caught my eye (my last cyber-boyfriend - heaven forbid! - got me into men with hair), but I regretfully ended up never hooking up with him. However, I got this cute guy called Marcos (ironically, the long-haired guy was also called Marcos), and made out all night long. I so loved it that I'm definitelly going back at that club, hoping to dance my favorite songs, and of course getting more boys.
Life's so good!
Thursday, February 02, 2006
The Summer Journals
All right, Summer holidays are finally over here in Brazil and they turned out to be better than I could expect. Vag broke up with me and lifted a weight from my shoulders, because I ended up not having to do it. So, here goes the 1st part of my Summer Journals.
The 24th Of December, 2005 – “The Summer”
These summer holidays have just started and they have enough to be the best ever. This year, instead of staying in my “paulista” shell, I travelled back to where I come from: Bahia.
Bahia is a state filled with different cultures and colors, the African mostly, and in my opinion is the best picture of my country. But this ain’t about my state’s ethnicity. It’s about two specific places.
First, Vitória da Conquista (aka VCA). I spent in this town most of my adolescence, so a lot of significant things were lived there. The greatest part of them were filled with selfpity and poor state of consciousness. I was a slave to my feelings and little I knew about myself and how to deal with people. I thought that being complicated and mysterious would make me stand out among the crowd. Yes, I was foolish, but I had my fun, my first drinks and the timid iniciation of my party life. I used to be an indoors type of guy and having a good time was watching some movies at any friend’s house; but sometimes I partied out and had loads of fun: since howling to the moon till Goth photoshoots at supposedly haunted houses.
So this time I was decided to have fun. The outdoor fun. But there I realized that my fun lied on my capacity of enjoying each moment, and this I had developed very well for the last two years. So hanging out with my best mate, Alais, was more than wonderful. Especially now that my homo side isn’t anymore a secret. We spent days watching The OC’s 2nd season and Desperate Housewives’ 1st. I’m really sure that our friendship is stronger now that we don’t have any deep secrets between us. We talk about our dreams and frustrations and even sexual desires, which is pretty fun.
On the December’s 17th, Saturday, we and Gabi went to this party that had everything to be crappy. But we were decided to have fun. And I NEEDED (still do, actually) to dance!! When we left Alais’ house we stopped at this cheap bar where we ordered two “Cearás” to each of us. What is a Ceará? Well, it’s a "Tequila wannabe". We weren’t too interested in knowing exactly what that thing was, but we joined the game and drank the Ceará as if we were having Tequila shots: salt + Ceará + lemon. Heavenly! I had three and a half shots and still was on my feet!! I know this is kind of dumb, but I was really happy that my drinking-mojo was back. However, Gabi wasn’t all good and this (ugly!) guy started hitting on her. So Alais and I were up to save her from him, whom was trying to convince us to go to this whoever’s birthday party. Then we used the guy to give us a ride to our party and sent him away. Poor loser, but we were wild that night.
There we bought two “Capetas” (Vodka with a LOT of stuffs I still have no idea of). And this time Alais was the sick one. As soon as we entered the club she made out with this dude we met there, but then hurried to the girl’s room to throw up. Gabi went after her and I hung outside the door. I was pissed, because I knew Gabi was making out with Alais into the restroom. Okay! They’re two girls, but yes, they had homo tendencies. Alais didn’t want to kiss Gabi (as she told me later), but she was too drunk to fight Gabi out, so…
Afterwards we were dancing and I was having the best time of my life. Alais was still sick and lying on a lounge there at the club, as Gabi and I Thechno-ed and Funked all over the dancefloor. Alais’ dude appeared again and took care of her while we danced. But a Martini and a bottle of Water later, the four of us were dancing wildly and having the greatest time. Interesting fact: at one moment we were all lied on the lounge and Alais’ bloke (whom by the way was HOT!) started to caress my hair fondly. As far as I knew he was totally straight. Besides, I was too wasted to care anyway, and I could had imagined it all due to the alcohol: so it passed. We were the last people to leave the club; actually we were thrown out and then, we walked home, completely drunk, singing Isaac and Can’t Get You Out Of Me Head at the top of our lungs on the empty streets, but extremely happy.
Later that week, I visited some old friends of mine there in VCA and they filled me in with news from the last couple years in which I was absent. Livia’s married and pregnant, Luanna (my teen crush) is dating a younger guy, Mylena’s in Salvador, just as Larissa. Paula is in Law school, also in Salvador. Tamara lives in Belo Horizonte (Minas Gerais), studying Architecture and loving it. She told me Jorge Bruno had a motorcycle accident last year and was 15 days in comatose. However she even told me that everyone’s the same and nothing has changed since we all parted. I don’t know if it’s ego-feeding (actually I do), but I felt a glow inside me due to the fact that everyone had been telling me how different I am, and most of them are still the same.
December’s 23rd, Friday: I woke up in a hang over. I had four or five kiwi Caipiroskas (they’re Caipirinhas but instead of Cachaça it has Vodka, and instead of lemon it has kiwi) the night before, at my dad’s birthday. We (me, my dad, my sister and Alais) were travelling to Salvador (the second place I’m to talk about; aka SSA) that morning, but I had this thing inside of me, this weird sensation. Erroneously, we tend to ignore these feelings, so I blamed the hang over and held my silence.
The road to SSA is completely shitty. There were more holes than actual asphalt, but I was happy despite of that persistent feeling. It was like I knew something was to happen.
So, when we were an hour from SSA and the road was decent, my dad was driving in a 110 km/h (which is normal in highways) and Alais and I were singing Mother And Father out loud at the backseat. It was right after the rap that I had seen a red car doing an illegal return into the road. My dad had seen him as well and light-signed, but the motherfucker carried on in a lesser speed than ours (which is forbidden in highways), so my dad went to the right in the hope of crossing him away, but the idiot did the same and we crashed at his back. We had nothing, we were all okay, but the car died. Well, after that we hung on the road for three hours. Alais and my sister were taken to SSA by my uncle (whom we called right after the wreck) and I stuck with my father.
A pessimist glow got me meanwhile, but I blew it away from me and thanked G-d for being alive and healthy. But to be honest, I still feel a bit frustrated for not having heard my intuition. That, I will make sure that will not happen again. And the car is doomed (drama queening!), but I won’t let it ruin Christmas (again!).
The 24th Of December, 2005 – “The Summer”
These summer holidays have just started and they have enough to be the best ever. This year, instead of staying in my “paulista” shell, I travelled back to where I come from: Bahia.
Bahia is a state filled with different cultures and colors, the African mostly, and in my opinion is the best picture of my country. But this ain’t about my state’s ethnicity. It’s about two specific places.
First, Vitória da Conquista (aka VCA). I spent in this town most of my adolescence, so a lot of significant things were lived there. The greatest part of them were filled with selfpity and poor state of consciousness. I was a slave to my feelings and little I knew about myself and how to deal with people. I thought that being complicated and mysterious would make me stand out among the crowd. Yes, I was foolish, but I had my fun, my first drinks and the timid iniciation of my party life. I used to be an indoors type of guy and having a good time was watching some movies at any friend’s house; but sometimes I partied out and had loads of fun: since howling to the moon till Goth photoshoots at supposedly haunted houses.
So this time I was decided to have fun. The outdoor fun. But there I realized that my fun lied on my capacity of enjoying each moment, and this I had developed very well for the last two years. So hanging out with my best mate, Alais, was more than wonderful. Especially now that my homo side isn’t anymore a secret. We spent days watching The OC’s 2nd season and Desperate Housewives’ 1st. I’m really sure that our friendship is stronger now that we don’t have any deep secrets between us. We talk about our dreams and frustrations and even sexual desires, which is pretty fun.
On the December’s 17th, Saturday, we and Gabi went to this party that had everything to be crappy. But we were decided to have fun. And I NEEDED (still do, actually) to dance!! When we left Alais’ house we stopped at this cheap bar where we ordered two “Cearás” to each of us. What is a Ceará? Well, it’s a "Tequila wannabe". We weren’t too interested in knowing exactly what that thing was, but we joined the game and drank the Ceará as if we were having Tequila shots: salt + Ceará + lemon. Heavenly! I had three and a half shots and still was on my feet!! I know this is kind of dumb, but I was really happy that my drinking-mojo was back. However, Gabi wasn’t all good and this (ugly!) guy started hitting on her. So Alais and I were up to save her from him, whom was trying to convince us to go to this whoever’s birthday party. Then we used the guy to give us a ride to our party and sent him away. Poor loser, but we were wild that night.
There we bought two “Capetas” (Vodka with a LOT of stuffs I still have no idea of). And this time Alais was the sick one. As soon as we entered the club she made out with this dude we met there, but then hurried to the girl’s room to throw up. Gabi went after her and I hung outside the door. I was pissed, because I knew Gabi was making out with Alais into the restroom. Okay! They’re two girls, but yes, they had homo tendencies. Alais didn’t want to kiss Gabi (as she told me later), but she was too drunk to fight Gabi out, so…
Afterwards we were dancing and I was having the best time of my life. Alais was still sick and lying on a lounge there at the club, as Gabi and I Thechno-ed and Funked all over the dancefloor. Alais’ dude appeared again and took care of her while we danced. But a Martini and a bottle of Water later, the four of us were dancing wildly and having the greatest time. Interesting fact: at one moment we were all lied on the lounge and Alais’ bloke (whom by the way was HOT!) started to caress my hair fondly. As far as I knew he was totally straight. Besides, I was too wasted to care anyway, and I could had imagined it all due to the alcohol: so it passed. We were the last people to leave the club; actually we were thrown out and then, we walked home, completely drunk, singing Isaac and Can’t Get You Out Of Me Head at the top of our lungs on the empty streets, but extremely happy.
Later that week, I visited some old friends of mine there in VCA and they filled me in with news from the last couple years in which I was absent. Livia’s married and pregnant, Luanna (my teen crush) is dating a younger guy, Mylena’s in Salvador, just as Larissa. Paula is in Law school, also in Salvador. Tamara lives in Belo Horizonte (Minas Gerais), studying Architecture and loving it. She told me Jorge Bruno had a motorcycle accident last year and was 15 days in comatose. However she even told me that everyone’s the same and nothing has changed since we all parted. I don’t know if it’s ego-feeding (actually I do), but I felt a glow inside me due to the fact that everyone had been telling me how different I am, and most of them are still the same.
December’s 23rd, Friday: I woke up in a hang over. I had four or five kiwi Caipiroskas (they’re Caipirinhas but instead of Cachaça it has Vodka, and instead of lemon it has kiwi) the night before, at my dad’s birthday. We (me, my dad, my sister and Alais) were travelling to Salvador (the second place I’m to talk about; aka SSA) that morning, but I had this thing inside of me, this weird sensation. Erroneously, we tend to ignore these feelings, so I blamed the hang over and held my silence.
The road to SSA is completely shitty. There were more holes than actual asphalt, but I was happy despite of that persistent feeling. It was like I knew something was to happen.
So, when we were an hour from SSA and the road was decent, my dad was driving in a 110 km/h (which is normal in highways) and Alais and I were singing Mother And Father out loud at the backseat. It was right after the rap that I had seen a red car doing an illegal return into the road. My dad had seen him as well and light-signed, but the motherfucker carried on in a lesser speed than ours (which is forbidden in highways), so my dad went to the right in the hope of crossing him away, but the idiot did the same and we crashed at his back. We had nothing, we were all okay, but the car died. Well, after that we hung on the road for three hours. Alais and my sister were taken to SSA by my uncle (whom we called right after the wreck) and I stuck with my father.
A pessimist glow got me meanwhile, but I blew it away from me and thanked G-d for being alive and healthy. But to be honest, I still feel a bit frustrated for not having heard my intuition. That, I will make sure that will not happen again. And the car is doomed (drama queening!), but I won’t let it ruin Christmas (again!).
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