"I've been so high
I've been so down
Up to the skies
Down to the ground
I was so blind
I could not see
Your paradise
Is not for me"
... Last night as I watched this beautiful Grey's Anatomy episode about loneliness, I could not help feeling the same way a bit. Not that I'm a social freak who doesn't have any friends and stuff, or is desperatelly seeking for a lover. But even though I enjoy my freedom and independence, I do miss someone to watch TV with me sometimes... I'll call an exorcist!!!!!!
(...) I got screwed up on French exam yesterday. I'm so fucking pissed!! How could I forget 2rd person from plural is êtes (être = to be) and 3rd person from plural is ont (avoir = to have)!
(...) I miss my latin ho Jose, my Canadian bitch Janine, my crazy-beautiful American Alais, my goofy angel Juliana, my boring charming Filipe and a certain friendship that probably will never be the same again...
I wanna call!! But I must play hard!
(...) I hate bills!!!
(...) I miss throwing my arms to the air and dancing like a crazy bitch...
This week I downloaded Jewel's forthcoming album, Goodbye Alice In Wonderland, and never been so disappointed with an idol. It's pure repetitive boring crap, but I've talked about it so much this week that I'm starting to become her.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Why do I feel this way? I'm bored and unsatisfied with everything. Maybe that's good... But the only thing that moves me lately is someone that I don't know.
[Song: Paradise (Not For Me) - Madonna]
Friday, April 28, 2006
Saturday, April 22, 2006
Miracle? Maybe yeah...
There is something I learned with a certain someone I really care about (and I ended up hurting - uhg, sometimes I can't help being a big fat cliché bitch!): if you have something good to say, say it. However, how am I supposed to know if it's good or not?
So, in a week I was prone to walk towards my own miracles I find myself wrapped up in a mess I built myself: too much college stuff to do and too little time to. So my blood was substituted by Red Bull and in 5 days I had slept only 6 hours!!! \o/ yeeeey... greatest part: there was a big rave party that started on Thursday and ended yesterday; I was so excited about it, but on the previous day I was so tired I couldn't even see another can of Red Bull, that I wanted to faint. In conclusion: how do you find miracles in such scenario? Ask Mariah Carey.
There I was fusing my head with Massoud Moisés and Antonio Candido's thoughts about Brazillian and Portuguese Literature when out of nowhere I feel this urge to listen to Shake It Off, and I HATE that song. But instead of bitching about it I asked for it for the one person I knew that had, that's how everything started.
In the end of last night I was sure the hurt was somewhat gone and the power of good-bye was stronger than any regret or bitterness. He was so sweet as always and as I listened to Annie's (she my new favorite bitch) No Easy Love I could not help feeling good to all that was happening.
And now I think: was that my miracle of the week? Who knows... maybe yes, but one thing I'm sure: it feels great to overcome ego.
[Song: Heartbeat - Annie]
So, in a week I was prone to walk towards my own miracles I find myself wrapped up in a mess I built myself: too much college stuff to do and too little time to. So my blood was substituted by Red Bull and in 5 days I had slept only 6 hours!!! \o/ yeeeey... greatest part: there was a big rave party that started on Thursday and ended yesterday; I was so excited about it, but on the previous day I was so tired I couldn't even see another can of Red Bull, that I wanted to faint. In conclusion: how do you find miracles in such scenario? Ask Mariah Carey.
There I was fusing my head with Massoud Moisés and Antonio Candido's thoughts about Brazillian and Portuguese Literature when out of nowhere I feel this urge to listen to Shake It Off, and I HATE that song. But instead of bitching about it I asked for it for the one person I knew that had, that's how everything started.
In the end of last night I was sure the hurt was somewhat gone and the power of good-bye was stronger than any regret or bitterness. He was so sweet as always and as I listened to Annie's (she my new favorite bitch) No Easy Love I could not help feeling good to all that was happening.
And now I think: was that my miracle of the week? Who knows... maybe yes, but one thing I'm sure: it feels great to overcome ego.
[Song: Heartbeat - Annie]
Monday, April 17, 2006
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
Things that upset me the most...
1 - Be internet-less when I most need it (and I always need it).
2 - Realize I still have feelings over people I should be over a long time ago.
3 - Realize I have crushes on motherfucking blond, hot, cute, BUT straight men (ohhh he's soo delicious, thank G-d I hardly see him).
4 - Have crushes on motherfucking hot, clever, straigh men that I see everyday.
5 - Be horny and not being as sassy, hot and brave as Samantha Jones.
6 - Anticipate imported DVDs that were supposed to arrive 5 days ago.
7 - Be lazy when I can't be and feel proactive when I should be lazy.
8 - Be a pennyless poet. (Lol, my gayness could not let me miss a Moulin Rouge mention.)
9 - Have boring classes when I wanted to be having sweet music* (Uhh... now a Kylie mention!)
10 - Be too chicken-shit to call him...
*sweet music = sex.
[Song: Sweet Music - Kylie Minogue]
[Quit Session: And we can get/ Crazy like that/ Feel it like that/ Move it like that/ Drop it like that/ Rocking the track/ I'm looking for that new sensation// Woo-hoo, I think we're onto something/ Your taste it mirrors mine/ So hot and in the moment/ Let's beat this demo right/ Or I might just lose it/ When we make sweet music]
2 - Realize I still have feelings over people I should be over a long time ago.
3 - Realize I have crushes on motherfucking blond, hot, cute, BUT straight men (ohhh he's soo delicious, thank G-d I hardly see him).
4 - Have crushes on motherfucking hot, clever, straigh men that I see everyday.
5 - Be horny and not being as sassy, hot and brave as Samantha Jones.
6 - Anticipate imported DVDs that were supposed to arrive 5 days ago.
7 - Be lazy when I can't be and feel proactive when I should be lazy.
8 - Be a pennyless poet. (Lol, my gayness could not let me miss a Moulin Rouge mention.)
9 - Have boring classes when I wanted to be having sweet music* (Uhh... now a Kylie mention!)
10 - Be too chicken-shit to call him...
*sweet music = sex.
[Song: Sweet Music - Kylie Minogue]
[Quit Session: And we can get/ Crazy like that/ Feel it like that/ Move it like that/ Drop it like that/ Rocking the track/ I'm looking for that new sensation// Woo-hoo, I think we're onto something/ Your taste it mirrors mine/ So hot and in the moment/ Let's beat this demo right/ Or I might just lose it/ When we make sweet music]
Wednesday, April 05, 2006
Brokeback Mountain
Today I finally watched Brokeback Mountain (BBM). And to my (non) surprise: I didn't like it that much!
Okay, the film is beautiful, sensitive and unpretentious. Ang Lee would've made an average love story movie if it weren't about gay cowboys. As my friend Le Ho said, if they were a boy and a girl BBM would be a mexican soap opera. Alright, shall I not be so bitter and say the good points of it first: Michelle Williams!!! I've always loved her since Dawson's Creek, but in BBM she was just genius! He made me like her more than the main characters. Same goes for Anne Hathaway that despite of appearing just to show her tits and bad dying was delicious as a clever and bright business womam former cowgirl. I also liked Heath Ledger! I mean, who'd say that 10 Things I Hate About You charming delinquent could actually act? I also liked the fact that we never feel like Lee is trying to make a gay or any kind of statement during the film.
That leads to main reason I didn't like the movie so much. I'm sorry but I got entangled in the whole gay icon crap that the movie (unintentionally) became!! As I said above, Ang Lee never said he was going to do a gay movie and suddenly the whole gay comunity was all fuzzy about it. Is Brokeback Mountain a controversial movie? Yes! Especially because Hollywood and society want us gays to be quiet in our closets listening to Madonna and Kylie Minogue, transforming sleezy straights into metrossexual blokes and being crazy and funny in Will And Grace! People can't just accept the fact that there are non-stereotype homossexuals, neither that a movie about them can be done. BUT, that was never what Ang Lee and his work were trying to say. In any moment you see "gay" or "queer" people there, you see two men that feel (sexual) attraction and end up falling in love with each other. But still the whole world spoiled it (at least to me) with stupid statements and ideals the movie never tried to endorse.
Other reasons that made me not love it: 1 - what a boring cinematography!!! After 30 minutes of movie I swore that if I saw any other sheep, I'd leave the room (si, yo soy a big fat drama queen)!! 2 - Jake Gyllenhal, all he did was stand there and be cute (as always), and his moustache freaked me out. 3 (to finish my whining): WHERE IN THIS MOTHERFUCKING WORLD THAT SCORE WAS BETTER THAN GEISHA'S?!?!?!?!?!?! I mean, who actually paid attention to that score?! I just remembered it got an Oscar when the movie was over and I was thinking about the awards it got. Williams was soooo robbed!!
[Song: Dangerous Game - Kylie Minogue... I just can't get it out of my head! (yay!! I'm corny)]
Okay, the film is beautiful, sensitive and unpretentious. Ang Lee would've made an average love story movie if it weren't about gay cowboys. As my friend Le Ho said, if they were a boy and a girl BBM would be a mexican soap opera. Alright, shall I not be so bitter and say the good points of it first: Michelle Williams!!! I've always loved her since Dawson's Creek, but in BBM she was just genius! He made me like her more than the main characters. Same goes for Anne Hathaway that despite of appearing just to show her tits and bad dying was delicious as a clever and bright business womam former cowgirl. I also liked Heath Ledger! I mean, who'd say that 10 Things I Hate About You charming delinquent could actually act? I also liked the fact that we never feel like Lee is trying to make a gay or any kind of statement during the film.
That leads to main reason I didn't like the movie so much. I'm sorry but I got entangled in the whole gay icon crap that the movie (unintentionally) became!! As I said above, Ang Lee never said he was going to do a gay movie and suddenly the whole gay comunity was all fuzzy about it. Is Brokeback Mountain a controversial movie? Yes! Especially because Hollywood and society want us gays to be quiet in our closets listening to Madonna and Kylie Minogue, transforming sleezy straights into metrossexual blokes and being crazy and funny in Will And Grace! People can't just accept the fact that there are non-stereotype homossexuals, neither that a movie about them can be done. BUT, that was never what Ang Lee and his work were trying to say. In any moment you see "gay" or "queer" people there, you see two men that feel (sexual) attraction and end up falling in love with each other. But still the whole world spoiled it (at least to me) with stupid statements and ideals the movie never tried to endorse.
Other reasons that made me not love it: 1 - what a boring cinematography!!! After 30 minutes of movie I swore that if I saw any other sheep, I'd leave the room (si, yo soy a big fat drama queen)!! 2 - Jake Gyllenhal, all he did was stand there and be cute (as always), and his moustache freaked me out. 3 (to finish my whining): WHERE IN THIS MOTHERFUCKING WORLD THAT SCORE WAS BETTER THAN GEISHA'S?!?!?!?!?!?! I mean, who actually paid attention to that score?! I just remembered it got an Oscar when the movie was over and I was thinking about the awards it got. Williams was soooo robbed!!
[Song: Dangerous Game - Kylie Minogue... I just can't get it out of my head! (yay!! I'm corny)]
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