Funny...

... how nothing's under the control of our hands and mind.

This week I met a guy on the web. The stalking life seems to be working somehow and, although I'm as single as ever, at least I'm under the influence of my old foe-friend: the feeling of possibility. Hate it, but I'm addiceted to it - and sometimes it do me good; even if the possibilities apparently never take me to somewhere different from where I am, the journey is the main thing.

Anyways, I'm flirting with this guy whom I called to come with me to an event a friend organized. I gave him my number so he could confirm if he'd go, but my celly never rang and we failed to talk on the MSN whole yesterday. However, he was told about it, about my presence and about my will of him coming. There was still hope.

As night went, Lucas was having the best of the times every time he noticed that life was more-than my neurosis. There was so many long-time-no-see friends and so many new connections being made that I simply didn't have the time to fret about him, even if I was constantly hoping that he was there scanning all the faces searching for familiar mine.

Then funny and lovely things started to happen. "Woody Allen moments", as says the ho, like hearing from a straight friend that he thinks I'm so cool that he considered hooking up with me! Or listening from people I just met that the moment I walked into the room, the air chanded and stopped to watch me go. Lol, funny uh? Especially when my shyness kicked in trying to steal the show, then I knew my ego was floating. Not that I should endorse the comments that fed it gluttonously, but a good thank-you was enough, pretending modesty is the highest example of egocentric behaviour.

That takes me to another moment where a new friend told she had a friend that was into me, and asked me how should her friend approach me. Then I played the Madonna and said "if you wanna talk to me, that's exactly what you're gonna do, talk-to-me!" Okay not so dramatically, but basically I told her that her friend should come, talk to me and then we'd see where things would lead. She insisted on what and how should he tell me, and I cut the crap saying "ahhh I've got no idea!" And I really didn't, I don't know how people should approach me, they're the ones who should know that, I think.

Later, this friend and I finally talked about that [kind of indirectly] and she told me I always seem so self-confident and sufficient, that somehow, I scare people to the point of they not knowing how to taLK TO ME WHAAAA?! Am I self-sufficient! Alright I'm indeed self-confident when it comes to not giving myself up to please society bastards; but apparently that's more overwhelming to the rest of the people than I thought!

Bizarre ain't it? But in the end it's funny, because my friends and I had already been discussing that, but it was when someone I'm not very much in touch with told me that, that I realized how real it actually is. However, comofas*? Lucas certainly won't deny his strong balls to make people feel better around him. But then, maybe, it's me who should try to make them feel not so overwhelmed by me? Maybe, it's me who should come into the boys and ask them out?

FE-AR! lol

[Song: Fastlane - Esthero featuring Jemine and Jelleestone]

*comofas = "what to do?"