"Say Goodbye..."

Here I go towards another life-changing trip.

Going to Italy isn't anymore a wanderlust extravaganza, Lucas is on the verge of the end of an era. When I return from Europe college will start and responsabilities I've taken on this first semester will be so real they'll be knocking on my door, demanding for action.

It all feels like growing up, but surprisingly or not, I'm not scared by it anymore as my Blogger profile says. I'm actually looking forward for maturity and all its implications. As for falling in love - well it still scares the shit out of me, and it seems I'm on for a rollercoaster ride again... It's silly to be deposit hopes in one place, but I'll be trying my best to have the best of funs in this trip to Italy and enjoy whatever kicks in. W-H-A-T-E-V-E-R!

Wish me luck and good trip y'all!

[Song: Chasing Pavements - Adele]

Miss Lucas Says

Yesterday I was feeling like shit, so I decided to watch a movie that would probably make me cry. I chose Joe Wright's Pride & Prejudice, it's a romantic epic movie - it'd help me to release my chest, plus there was a hidden intention that'll be explained ahead.

Bottom line is that I didn't cry, I actually felt even more restless as the movie ended. One of the things I mostly love about Jane Austen stories is that no matter how romantic they seem, there's always one particular character that brings you down to reality, the one who always punches you in the guts and kicks you in the ass. In Pride & Prejudice it's Miss Charlotte Lucas [played on the movie by the scrumptious Claudie Blakley].

Always put aside by Lizzie's mother, who never watches her tongue, she's the modest thing you barely notice, but once you get out of your egocentric shell you see how grand she is. On this last screening one of her lines gave me an interesting epiphany. But first a backstory.

Saturday I hooked up with this guy I've had a crush on for almost a year. It was never a hopeless crush because he lives in another town, so I'd only feel it whenever he came to Conquista to visit the friends [me and everyone else in my party]. On the Sunday we hooked up again and, minutes after he left the rock festival he came back to pick me up so I could spend the night with him - he was leaving the city on the following morning.

Knowing my mind you're probably aware of how I'm feeling right now. So, secretly I decided to watch P&P because I was feeling in a Jane Bennet/Charles Bingley situation. I'm shy when it comes to showing my feelings and guys - I mostly suck in coming on the boys and letting them know I'm wanting them. This guy, well, he's worst than me! So, at one moment, Lizzie and Charlotte were talking at the Bingley's private ball and it hit me:

"Lizzie [about Bingley and Jane]: I think he likes her very much.

Miss Lucas: But does she like him? Few of us are secure enough to be in love without proper encouragement. Bingley likes her enormously, but might not do more if she does not help him on it.

Lizzie: She's just shy and modest. If he cannot perceive her regard, he is a fool.

Miss Lucas: We are all fools in love..."

So Lucas [meaning me this time] what's next to do?

[Song: Mr. Donut - Saint Etienne]

Kabbalah Says

"Make a list of your desires. Put down everything that comes to mind no matter how small or how foolish it may seem.. [...] Without knowing your true desires, you don't stand much of a chance of attaining them. So be honest!"

["When you've done that, write next to each desire how you think you might feel if you attained it. How might your life change?"]

- To have a boyfriend that loves me as much as I love him. [Fulfillment.]

- To have a good relationship with my mother. [Serenity.]

- To be patient. [Duuh!]

- Think less about the 50million possibilities of life and work more with what I have in front of me. [I'd be less anxious.]

- To keep having wonderful and fulfilling friends. [I'd be more calm and sure of myself.]

- To be a famous artist. [Happy to show my truth for a larger number of people.]

- To see Madonna live. [That'd just leave me happy.]

- To go through Madrid withour dramas*. [Relieved.]

- To be less pessimistic. [Self-confident.]

- To be stronger and more willing. [I'd feel more alive and less bored.]

- To be less prejudiceful and more tolerant. [Would make me feel more open about my human relations.]

- To be as self-confident as I aparent to be. [I'd feel more honest.]

- To travel the world. [I'd feel wiser.]

- To help humankind more concretely. [I'd feel less guilty.]

- To do what I preach. [I'de feel even less guilty.]

- "To love and to be loved in return." [Once again: fulfillment.]

[Song: The Youth - MGMT]

NoobTimes: Stalker Song - Conquista Rock Festival Day 2

Yesterday we played rock; not because we felt retracted by the bad response from the Metal people, but simply because we were in the mood of rocks. That is why we opened our DJing with Caetano Veloso's Rocks*. Once again we were implicitly doing an unspoken protest against the scene's strictness; Caetano was disdained by the closed-minded rockers when he released he's Indie Rock album two years ago - however the critics praised and the real lovers of good music saw the beauty of it.

So there we were, playing by their numbers, but with our own abacus. However the audience was different; the Metal people were in short number and who were there seemed open to new stuff. Purki heard from an acquaintance [who happens to be a long-time rocker] that he loved when we played Yelle's Je Veux Te Voir*, an aunt sent him her album and he was loving it; some girls begged us to play Ecos Falsos* again, a Brazilian indie band that made quite a rush on our DJing the day before; and a woman told us she was pissed when they cut us out at the moment we were playing The Smiths's How Soon Is Now.

Somehow, all the darkness that surrounded the end of Saturday's night seemed to dissipate and we were having way more fun than were worried in pleasing.

*On the BitchyList

NoobTimes: Stalker Song - Conquista Rock Festival Day 1

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NoobTimes: Stalker Song - Nothing But Your Local DJ

Saturday was another historic date for me. It's dang cliché to say such thing of such a thing, but I say it so because I've got no other words to describe egocentric-hard-porno's debut.

An hour before my debut on the theatre, I was heartraced and shitting myself. But somehow Saturday was a more serene day for me than to my co-workers Purki and Clarinha, that were times worried about technical stuff, times nervous with the premiere. The butterflies in me were constant, but there was a warming optimism that actually surprised me a little.

We got at the club an hour and a half before the party's official time, to solve some structural problems and, majorly, to get ourselves drunk: when it finally started, we were alcoholized enough to relax and do our things.

The DJing was started by our "teacher" Tony, that made some testing while we prepared ourselves to play: we were the first. However, not even half of our friends were there yet and, THAT made me nervous, I'd say irritated. But soon enough not only our mob-esque and devilish godmother Marco Antônio [who got us into the party's line-up] was there, but everyone else that mattered.

Tony beckoned me to get up on the stage and prepared my cue: Ray Of Light; Madonna was the main muse of practically the whole egocentric-hard-porno's formation process, and the moment the song's first chords echoed on the floor, the fags all got in the dance. My excitment was so huge I wouldn't stop singing and jumping.

The crossfado to my dalings The Ting Tings's That's Not My Name was so perfect that got me some compliments from Tony. Then, adrenaline hit the Everest top and Clara took the pick-ups over as I insanely danced to one of my favorite songs of the year. I could feel the crowd's heat, that jumped along with me, open to new dancefloor possibilities. Clarinha got everyone down with an ususal mash-up: Justin's SexyBack and Britney's Get Naked - raising a tabloid-esque and faux discomfort between the celebs [lol, as if they were there!] on the floor.

In the meantime, Purki mixed such lisergic videos that I avoided staring at them in order to keep focus on my part. I returned to the pick-ups with the duo that makes me feel the slutest of the sluts: London Brige and Give It 2 Me. Whatever you say about Miss Ferguson, and I also think she's a bit trashy, if there's something genius in her life it is "London Brige"; and when Pharrell's magical synths in GI2M were heard for the first time at the party, I felt a marvelous chill on my backbone as the whole dancefloor population happily wow-ed and worked-up the sweat with the greatly known song - but it was my momentum. Everybody got crazy with My Love Is Better and Modern Love [from Kish Mauve], two completely unknown to most of the Conquistenses.

When our brief "show" was over [we'd play at least 20 tracks if the let us], we received great compliments from the friends, everyone else and the party's staff. According to Dann, one of our closests friends, our setlist left a "gimme more" taste, and not trying to bragging, but already doing it, it wasn't uncommon afterwards being asked when we would re-take on the pick-ups; some even made requests. That was genius to our egos!

=)

In the end, we left the place with delicious sensation of mission accomplished. Later, during Tony's set, Purki melted everyone's faces with a sequence of Madonna videos filled with breathtaking psychedelic effects. At each scene people would cheer and shout along with the song and wouldn't let go hard's videos, that surely stole the gogo dancer's show.

When we good-byed, the guys from the Morgana collective [aka our bosses] said we were on for the next rides.

PHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEW... guess I can finally die now lol. brinqs

EHP's Setlist from 12.07.2008 - Morgana Mix:

1. Ray Of Light - Madonna

2. That's Not My Name - The Ting Tings

3. SexyBack - Justin Timberlake

4. Get Naked - Britney Spears

5. London Brige - Fergie

6. Give It 2 Me - Madonna

7. Little Less Conversation - Elvis vs. JXL

8. In My Arms - Kylie Minogue

9. My Love Is Better - Annie

10. Modern Love (Mark Moore & Kinky Roland Vox 12" Mix) - Kish Mauve

11. Eo Eo Eo [Tema da Banheira do Gugu] - Dream Water

12. Let Me Think About It - Fedde Le Grand vs. Ida Corr

Bold = on the white box on the blog's top, on the fold Stalker > 07 - Nothing But Your Local DJ.

July 6th, 2008

I'm gonna throw the wine bottle away, and the ciggies and the self-pity.

No more giving men more importance than they deserve. Self-confidence will be now grabbed by the nails and put in my arms; people won't only notice it, they'll notice and fear it by design!

Yes, this is a Bridget Jones moment and, since I'm every woman I'll be riding the bike until my legs die!

[Song: Ooh La La - Goldfrapp]

Funny...

... how nothing's under the control of our hands and mind.

This week I met a guy on the web. The stalking life seems to be working somehow and, although I'm as single as ever, at least I'm under the influence of my old foe-friend: the feeling of possibility. Hate it, but I'm addiceted to it - and sometimes it do me good; even if the possibilities apparently never take me to somewhere different from where I am, the journey is the main thing.

Anyways, I'm flirting with this guy whom I called to come with me to an event a friend organized. I gave him my number so he could confirm if he'd go, but my celly never rang and we failed to talk on the MSN whole yesterday. However, he was told about it, about my presence and about my will of him coming. There was still hope.

As night went, Lucas was having the best of the times every time he noticed that life was more-than my neurosis. There was so many long-time-no-see friends and so many new connections being made that I simply didn't have the time to fret about him, even if I was constantly hoping that he was there scanning all the faces searching for familiar mine.

Then funny and lovely things started to happen. "Woody Allen moments", as says the ho, like hearing from a straight friend that he thinks I'm so cool that he considered hooking up with me! Or listening from people I just met that the moment I walked into the room, the air chanded and stopped to watch me go. Lol, funny uh? Especially when my shyness kicked in trying to steal the show, then I knew my ego was floating. Not that I should endorse the comments that fed it gluttonously, but a good thank-you was enough, pretending modesty is the highest example of egocentric behaviour.

That takes me to another moment where a new friend told she had a friend that was into me, and asked me how should her friend approach me. Then I played the Madonna and said "if you wanna talk to me, that's exactly what you're gonna do, talk-to-me!" Okay not so dramatically, but basically I told her that her friend should come, talk to me and then we'd see where things would lead. She insisted on what and how should he tell me, and I cut the crap saying "ahhh I've got no idea!" And I really didn't, I don't know how people should approach me, they're the ones who should know that, I think.

Later, this friend and I finally talked about that [kind of indirectly] and she told me I always seem so self-confident and sufficient, that somehow, I scare people to the point of they not knowing how to taLK TO ME WHAAAA?! Am I self-sufficient! Alright I'm indeed self-confident when it comes to not giving myself up to please society bastards; but apparently that's more overwhelming to the rest of the people than I thought!

Bizarre ain't it? But in the end it's funny, because my friends and I had already been discussing that, but it was when someone I'm not very much in touch with told me that, that I realized how real it actually is. However, comofas*? Lucas certainly won't deny his strong balls to make people feel better around him. But then, maybe, it's me who should try to make them feel not so overwhelmed by me? Maybe, it's me who should come into the boys and ask them out?

FE-AR! lol

[Song: Fastlane - Esthero featuring Jemine and Jelleestone]

*comofas = "what to do?"

So Far Away...

We're all searching for identification. Real people don't like something because everybody else likes it, but because there's something about it that makes them connect to that. That happens with movies, for example, when people cheer for a certain politically incorrect character, just because there's something about him that tap to the real side of who's watching.

Today there was a generalized argument with my mother. It all started with my sister, than mother decided that she had also to fight with the rest of the family - dad and I however speaking our minds let her talk whatever she wanted, or in my case just walked away.

That moment I realized the point of identification between me and Madonna's song Miles Away. While everyone's connecting it to the singer's relationship with her husband, I simply pushed the easy concepts aside and waited for my moment of revelation and as my mom said she'd go back to Salvador, because living with my sister was impossible [but living with her is always wonderful], I came to terms that in spite of all the love I have for my mother [which she thinks isn't valid because it's not her way to love], we really have our bests when far away.

Not that I believe things will be better if she returns to Salvador; actually I'm a bit worried - I think she'll be more lost than here, close - but distance always seems to widen her view.

But when will mother finally understand she's not anymore in the position of coming and going?

[Song: Miles Away - Madonna]

Chills

She looks like a goblin with those shoes but this song and video gave me chills that I haven't felt with a song in a considerable time.
My eyes started welling as she finally admits she's hurt and starts moving forward. I didn't expect so much of this track, I'm glad I was surprised.

The Crazy Band!

Hot Lovefoxx in her best Björk style in the new video Rat Is Dead (Rage) leaves me mouthwatered craving to see her and her crew live!
Beijosmiliga CSS!!

[Late] NoobTimes: Stalker Song - Religion

[This post was supposed to be up on the 24th of June.]

I'm agnostic. My relationship with g-d is very particular and isn't attached to any religion or cult; I study Jewish Kabbalah, but I'm not a Jew; I believe in Jesus Christ as an example, but not as a deity. Therefore I feel free, without any dogmatic string.

I usually joke that if I had a religion it'd be polytheistic and its deities besides being anthropornomorphized, they'd be very human characters - like in Greek mythology. My Olympus woud be pop culture, inhabited by its iconic and almost "devilish" artists [according to the Christian belief].

Who'd be Zeus? Only one name has the weight and strength worthy of being the mount's boss: Madonna. During my wild weekend it was her who maddenned the senses with her [old] music videos, times lysergicora times imsply beautiful.

Below five tracks that silenced the folks and put them in an uncontrollable trance, in order to catch each of their nuances.

6. Fever

Call it campy, kitsch or what-fucking-ever, this 90's rarity has the incredible power to play with you senses in a way you don't expect. With [very] strong colours and beats that contrast with the diva's almost-sweet vocals, it's practically impossible not to feel the fever the track incites.

5. Frozen

In spite of the name, Frozen doesn't freeze you at all. Madonna, queen of metamorphosis, shows up as never seen before: pale and dark, like a deity disfavored with the blonde sympathy, but no less hypnotic, as she throws a turning-table message.
Filled with symbology and references, this magnanimous track's video, already classic in pop culture, leaves you dumbstrucked with its effects more psychological than the usual.

4. Human Nature

After society trying to shut her up during her most seuxal/romantic era [Erotica], Madonna spit this somewhat bitter reply. The video probably has the most wonderful choreography and synchronicity registered in pop music.

3. Ray Of Light

I always knew this song's effusive skills, but the song/video combo is AWESOME! Its very hard not to franticaly shake with the paraphernalia of sounds and images from this masterpiece.

2. Bedtime Story

After this 1995 video Madonna didn't have to do anything else; and still she did. But this work of art, directed by Mark Romanek, is an example of an excelent edition allied to inventive and profound minds. Treating unconsciousness as something more active than what we suspect, Madonna gifts us with a sequel of oh-so psychedelic and lysergic images that reinvent the very meaning of the word "dream".

1. Nothing Really Matters

I think that me and my friends repeated this video 5 times at least, to see if we could capture all the frames, references and expression this woman did in this video. Try to catch every face she does and you'll see she's not a bad actress when properly provoked and inspired.

NoobTimes: Stalker Song - Status Quo

Corao corao¹ we're late, so much I don't even remember stalking last week. I just know that I'd be writing about The Ting Tings here. Marce told me to download them and, as always, it took me a while to listen to them. However when I did I was instantly dominated by all the enthusiasm and glamour of Katie White and Jules De Martino.

Hot as hell, both have the classic pose of most of the indie bands that go through electro-pop woods. With style and New Rave sense of fashion, but the attitude of whom's not giving much of a damn to all the fuss, De Martino sexy slams those drums, while White rebels, ferocious and beautiful, on the vocals; and the guitar and the bass drum... they have this manufactured pop quality [?] overcome by the wonderful poser strength of the "fuckyou attitude."

The album We Started Nothing already brings in its title that you will find no reinvention of the same - the Tings started nothing and wish they didn't. This is my favorite thing with the Tings: the great problem of the whole Indie scene of today is that the majority of them is nothing more than imitators [and some suck at it - hi Hadouken!] - but they get all the hype because they're indie. Projects like, for instance MGMT and Hadouken!, put up their presumptuous Indie armor ["hi we're not mainstream, we make the difference"], but in spite of the the good quality [in the case of the first], they're just repeaters of a style/time/whatever that has long gone and adds little to our everyday life, except for the nostalgic desire infused in us.

Already in the begining The Tings strip themselves from this demagogue speech of the "everyday indie" and wear the FUCKIT costume. But only seeing and listening that you can fully comprehend how good it is to kick the bass drum and shout SHUT UP AND LET ME GO!

Current essencial songs: Great DJ, That's Not My Name and Shut Up And Let Me Go, on the BitchyList - in the "Stalker" folder.

To see The Ting Tings clickhere!

¹Corao corao = run run [slang in bad Portuguese].

Message To The Ho

Maybe my posts are weird cos this kind of stuff has rocked my socks. Hehe

Oops!

Yesterday I crashed the car. A bug, to be more specific a butterfly flew across my nose distracted me and I stepped on the wrong pedals and suddenly I was already on the back of the car in front of me.

Nor me or my sister got injured, nor the people on the other car, but ours [says my dad] got pretty fucked up. He likes to exaggerate this things; it's actually a bit irritating because when he wants to reprehend me he always speaks with this dull and supposedly calm tone that is filled with condescension. But deeply I prefer that cos I just roll eyes and pretend I'm really listening, if he freaked and yelled I'd be crapping my pants.

But what impressed me the most was the fact that when everything happened I was completely calm! I didn't freak, not even shivered or got into a quivering craze. I called dad so he would instruct me on what to do and all the conversation was very sober and normal, he told me the right procedure to the insurance stuff and blablabla. Later the cop came to register the occurrence and I was calm enough to flirt with him... some of my friends have heard what happened and showed up at the moment I was signing the occurrence and there was this mixture of preoccupation and hilarity. We all laughed of course, especially on the butterfly part.

Anyways, all this rambling... I don't know what this rambling was for. Meh I'm just telling an anecdote. zzzZzZzZzZzZzzzZZZZzzz

[Song: Loco - Annie]

Saint Anthony's Day

In Brasil its our equivalent to the North American/European's Valentine's Day.

The ho and I always kid that will do all the old spells people here like to do in this time of the year to catch a boyfriend; stuff like hanging the saint's image upside down in a closet until he gets us a boyfriend.

As usual I get majorly bitter at this date and this year is no exception. However I feel I'm more relaxed and most of my bitterness is just for the sake and the fun of being so. Not even horny I am today. Actually I just feel a little bit sick but it has nothing to do with the date, because I don't give a shit about V-Days. lol A holiday less to spend money on.

Me and my other single friends went to the mall to have some beers but I before we had a joint that left me worst than I was so I simply wanted to go home and shove myself into blankets. That gave me reason to be really bitter - although people insisted it was because of the day. But in the end, who cares about having a bf when I can have crushes as gorgeous as them:

[Song: Great DJ - The Ting Tings]

So You Think You Can Play...

I haven't mentioned before, but me and a couple of friends formed a musical-trio. We're the Egocentric-Hard-Porno and we are basically DJ wannabes. We already have a gig booked at a gay party promoted by some friends of ours.

Today we had our first DJing class and though the thing isn't as easy as we expected, for the style of performance we're going to do it is not so hard. Tired of the same electronica scene of the town we're to play some good and old pop music. With mindsets and tastes similar but very different in essence our setlist is to be very eclectic - so the usual 4/8 beat pattern from electronic music won't work with us. I ask how to mix Feist's Sea Lion Woman into Róisín Murphy's Let Me Know? So the result will sound more like radio setlist than a rave setlist [for example].

That sounds lame... and it is! But we'll be trusting in our good taste for music to make people shake down on the dancefloor... by simply playing the songs we would like to dance to!

[Song: That's Not My Name - The Ting Tings]

NoobTimes: Stalker Song - Stalking Abroad

Sorry I'm late: Saturday was hype-wild and Sunday was low-wide - couldn't write anything. [Sometimes I have fun writing as if I'm read].
I came to know Estelle by a friend that noticing my new enthusiasm with Black Music, showed me this jewel from the Queen's crown. With her delicious velvet voice and a style that sounds like Alicia Keys, but undeniably better because Estelle sounds totaly forceless in everything she does, both in the vocalizing without the genre's exaggeration [SHOUTS!] and in the raps. Not that Keys has completely fallen from my concept - but while I can do anything listening to Estelle, you can't calculate The Ting Tings's CD price + the shipping tax + plus the credit cards importation tax + how long everything will take to get here with ONE NO ONE NO ONEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE buzzing in your ears... you know what I mean. u.u

And since looking for Italian Boys to increase my Italian network is my newest stalker activity - Estelle's best song to define the action is American Boy. Like every song from her marvelous sophomore album Shine, American Boy has this retro Soul feeling, but it's ultra modern! Especially when Kanye West kicks in with his lovely rap, which makes me have a bigger sympathy for him, who always sounded annoying.



Check this video out mapeoples!!! Cinematography is beautiful, her outfits are marvelous and the American Boys are OHHLALA!! But her blasé expression is hilarious and the way she dances like a clumsy child is AWEEEEEEEEESOME!!! I thought it fun - noob like me! Lolz


The second song of my stalking week was Nelly Furtado's Do It. The song itself is a cute example of the psychotic genre, talking about a person who had a thing with another in the past and now can't forget.
It's interesting how these genuinely obsessive songs work so naturally into our minds. Of course that has everything to do with the fact that [like Caetano used to say] from a close range no one's normal, so our little sick heads match perfectly with things produced by other sick cabezitas.

Note: every song featured on the SS has now exclusive folders on the white box on the blog's top. The folder's obviously called "Stalker" and each post has its own.
Begosmiliga!

Good Times, Bad Times

Live with people is as easy as people living with us. Get the picture? I'm far from being perfect, but as I read on the Kabbalah daily tune-up, the thing isn't reaching perfection - we'll never get there - but striving for it.

Two months ago or so, me and three of my best friends did a photoshoot for a conference and the photos got bigger attention than what we expected. However, there's this kinda-unspoken common agreement, that even if the pics ended up being marvelous and people have liked them more than what we foresaw, the process of production was the most gratifying. That's a practical example of that cited on Kabbalah. But what to do when you're put on a test?

Last night I got deeply irritated with a friend's ego. His has got into the linepoking mine and even if I thought I was right, the fact that I got pissed and even thinking I am right is proof that my ego also reacted. "Listen, we all react. We aren't angels."

Although I think that abrupt reactions like arguing and looking for a higher tone than the other person's are useless, I do think that after a little self-analysis you should show that a barrier was surpassed, that [if the case] not only the ego was pinned, but a limit of was broken and the parts involved must solve a problem. Yesterday, I tried to show that with actions. My look stiffened, my voice got a darker tone and in a short time I chose to leave instead of exposing myself even more to what was bothering me - I chose to leave to not explode. That way, I still was reacting.

When I got home I was ANGRY! My eyes were so red I wouldn't concentrate in bullshit I put myself to do, so I went to bed. I went to sleep frustrated, angry with myself for not having spoken what I thought at the moment that happened, angry with my friend for being so thoughtless about his actions... so, there Lucas and his brain [aka ego] were reacting like a snake before moviment.

But today in the morning, after a surprisingly good night of sleep [considering the little pain I was feeling due to my recently pierced nose and ear], I woke up with Nelly Furtado singing Do It. I chose this song to wake me yp everyday because it gives me a sense of musical: when the leading girl wakes and gets up dancing around as she starts to prepare herself to the day.

As I got up and moved my hips as far as my sleepy body would allow, I noticed that I still had ego, but it was more worried with the piercings than with last night. And following the custom, I sat down here and read my emails and there the Kabbala Daily Tune-Up was waiting for me:

"Kabbalah isn't about attaining perfection — it's about striving for perfection. We are not going to attain perfection and then the world will change. The world will change when enough people strive for perfection.
Listen, we all react. We aren't angels. But if we are just aware and striving not to react, the act of striving and being somewhat successful at it - more times than not - is helping to raise the immortality rate for the entire world.
Today, put extra effort into proacting. When you see someone coming who you don't like, run towards them with love and acceptance. Do the opposite of what you normally do."

Maybe, June 8 has arrived earlier for me...
[Song: Shine - Estelle]

Call 555-555-CONFIDE

Theres always that tale that the shrinks are always the fucked up ones and choose the job as a way of solving their own crap. I'd certainly be one of those if I had ever started the Psychology course I was accepted in couple of years ago; but there are times that I really feel like the shrink-of-us-all. I'm already used to the fact that I was born with a "confide in me" sign stamped on my forehead. But it's from her that I often get my experiences. But what experiences?

They say that wise are those who learn from others' experiences. If that is true, I'm the best relationship guru I know. Always the fly on the wall of my friends' relatioships, Lucas is always watching the behaviours and actions and when they come for advice, it's funny, sometimes even for me, how I always have something meaningful to say [I say so cos I get positive feedbacks]. And, to be honest, it's very true! Along the years I have listened so much to people's romantic complaints that, allied to all these million of films and books I read, makes me like to think I really have some substance on the matter.

But today, as I shared my wisdom with a friend, I found myself facing a moment of self-doubt in demagogy. Perhaps this vast but only observatory experience doesn't make me an impostor? After all, I have as much practical experience as a pubescent girl. From crush to crush I'm always the one who ends with the broken heart and the cheesy songs.

Nowaday I barely complain; a lot of times I even thank G-d for thinking that I'd easily fall into the "do-as-I-say-not-as-I-do" crap. However, there are always the moments you get pissed with everyone else for having the thing you most long for and they behave so inept in dealing with the thing.

Nevertheless, who said I'd know how to handle? My friend said I seem to be prepared for it when it comes, but am I? Dunno maaan!! Even liking to be a good adviser, I've got doubts if I'll be as shrewd when my time comes, conseidring that I've been automatically falling into the same old traps.

[Song: Creator - Santogold]