Catfight!!

"ui madonne vose ta acabade! relasha vamos migrate" "uhg... fuck off mocreiah! you don't have my name!"

Funny but this feud as old as fuck. At the same time of Confessions On A Dance Floor's release Mariah released the album that brought her back to the critics and general public's arms [the fans don't count], The Emancipation Of Mimi. In 2008 Mariah tries to maintain her position as America's queen with E=MC², while Madge [aparently] tries with Hard Candy what Mimi did for Mariah 3 years ago. Before the launch of both albums the media was already declaring the war; even if none of them officially endorses it [surely the two of them feel they're too old and settled for such crap].
On a usual past I'd simply say "fuck it... of course Madonna's the best," but today things are different, considering that my fanaticism for Mrs. Ciccone-Ritchie and dislike for Carey shrinked. Days before of finally listening to HC I was already addicted to the nonsense formula of Mariah; and though I don't give much damn to these media stupidities about these two, I myself had already installed an inner quarrel about who would do the best Urban-driven album of the season.

Why Mocreiah*?
Mariah Carey's greatest achievement this year was breaking the ice I put between me and her. Obviously I condemned Touch My Body without even trying; but then I simply fell in love with the camp that Mariah perfectly brings. The best thing is that she acts as if it's not! But this lack of self-consciousness is one of the strongest and tastiest American Black Music's features. Are there tackier things than bling-blings, hockey clothes with sideways caps and slutty pants with stilletoes? But, dude, it's they're way! and the fact that they cheerfully embrace it is a lot laudable.
Mariah Carey is one of the personifications of all of this. Rolling Stone says that she embraces her extremes like no other: "She's either grinding out R&B-hop or singing syrupy ballads, talking dirty or cuddling with a Hello Kitty. Her tenth studio album is no different: It starts in a club and ends in a church."
Deeply I admire people like this. Who cares if she's as deep as a bowl? The cool thing is that she's fun.

Why Mandonna*?
Simply because even when I decide to hate her I don't succeed. Hard Candy is the best example that first impressions are not always the best. Any Madge-maniac with [pseudo] intelligence and critic sense quickly opens the mouth to yell that this album is a lot inferior to any of her others'. But it takes attentive hearings to not only the lyrics, but especially the arrangements to realize that the prepotency is more yours than Madonna's.
What I mean is: Hard Candy's lyrics are great! They're all introspective and mostly very well crafted, but above all things they're unpretentious. Reading other reviews I noticed that the only politicized lyrics are 4 Minutes's, and still in a subtle way. The fact Madonna is not trying to save people's souls from hell with her music is actually good. We fans surely love when she tells us to fuck off and then say "put away your past/love will never last/if you're holding on to a dream that's gone"; but not everybody, actually most of people, give a shit about that.
In Candy it's like she presented herself to please; but Madonna style. She knows we'll suck everything she stuff into our mouths anyway - not for ignorance, but because her sugar is always sweet! So, I take back what I wrote on my initial review, that Hard Candy's biggest flaw is to have less Madonna than usual. Probably that's the album's best quality, because like all the Yoga crap she usually does on her dance routines, she shows how flexible she is. Although Timbol, Justin and Pharrell's ghosts are very strong in Hard Candy, they're all there because and for Madonna.


Candy X Physics
Which would you choose? I know which I'd choose without blinking. However in this candy and this Physics class' cases, choosing isn't so easy.
E=MC² is a typical specimen of its genre, while Hard Candy is more like a fusion of the Urban Pop's beats and the Dance Music's wackoness. Try to thoroughly listen to the Material Girl's new album and you'll notice a million details almost psychedelic. That's why I pick the obvious option: Candy. Like she said, it is a hard candy but one day you'll end up swallowing and adoring it.

Conclusion
In the end, both albums are accurate proofs that without prejudice you can go far. Mariah's has the quality of opening doors to the R&B, for the unpretension before its importance or lack of it. Nor the Emancipation or this Einstein parody will be remembered for more than its commercial status due to their wisdom of giving what is wanted [Mariah has been way better in it than Madonna lately, fact!], but is there quality behind Billboard? Hell yeh! And Mariah is there.
As for Madonna, maybe the best of Hard Candy is that it's not a bombastic reinvention. "Confessions" had world-wide spreading of the Euro-pop, but by choosing to share her spotlight with many others, maybe that's the greatest [self] reinvention, after all, sharing her momentum with strangers isn't what Madonna often does. She does that in Candy, so fairly that at day's end it's HER you can't stop thinking about.

*Mocreiah, Mandonna: those are puns with Mariah's and Madge's names in Portuguese. Mocréia [Mocreiah] means "a really fugly woman" and mandona [Mandonna] means "a really bossy lady." Yes, Portuguese is very fun sometimes.