Ohh Scorpio!

Few days ago Marce posted about the begining of the month of Scorpio. Yesterday the Kabbalist weekly tune-up talked about how during this period we get pissed of with people's judgement or pretty much anything around us. Gabriel posted about that yesterday too and here I am doing it too.

Okay, let's be honest I'm here again just bitching on the fact that my life is a boring hell right now. I mean, could things get a bit more exciting for a change? Where are the drunk nights? The tequila drenched Epiphanys? The sex talk over cappuccinos and Big-Macs? I fucking miss Marilia!! I hate the snob people of this town!

And now back to the decent corner of my mind I find myself getting into this circle where I get bothered with everyone's remarks when I should instead try to see the big picture. And oh, not MINE but people's big picture! Talk about hard. Even after almost a couple years of studies I still sometimes think myself stuck at the same place. Like a scratched record. Not that I'm feeling like giving up and being lazy, but... uhg it's just a bitchy day.

A certain cousing of mine is Scorpio and he's so fucked up! A long time ago, we used to be friends and for a while I thought that admiting my sexuality I'd end up as fucked up as him. When I finally separated things his crazy mind became even more clear. Today I don't know how an encounter with him would be like, but I'll try to behold his big picture and not judge. I'll also try to be away from his shit...

So as I sit and bitch about my life that is passing by, I have fun with Sex And The City and drink loads of cappuccinos to activate my stream of consciousness straight to Marilia.

[Song: August Day Song - Bebel Gilberto]

Fine And Mellow

Today I was wakened by Billie Holiday's sharp vocals in a rendition of Fine And Mellow. Seriously, after listening to that how to even consider Christina Aguilera a singer? All that bitch knows is to scream and oversing all over the place!

By the way, that was one of the subjects my date, Reinaldo, and I had last night. It was a friendly conversation-over-cappuccino date; we mainly talked [everything] about art and since he's a more listening type of guy I did almost the whole talk. Reinaldo is intelligent and teaches Portuguese in public schools; he's not ugly but indeed not my type of handsome. But since the first time I laid eyes on him I knew we'd only be friends even if we ended up having sex [which didn't happen I'd say only because his sister was home].

Reinaldo lacked on his features something mindblowingly charming; something that would make me lose my concentration and want to do him wherever he felt like it! Something just like Tarsis.

When Tarsis entered the café where we were and took notice of me, he came with this big bright smile that made my insides go all the way down a hypercoaster while my mind tried to keep grounded and safe. When approached he gave me a 5-minutes-long hug that demanded from me a rather concentration on my knees and above all made me fuzzy inside. Damn, that dude is a master in making one uncomfortable in a comfortable way! As he warmingly talked and asked how I had been he kept his arms around my waist in a less than innocent way, but still not sexual, that made me completely dumb about what to do with my hands, so I hurried to thrust them into my pockets. He introduced me to his friends and his girlfriend. She was gorgeous, but of course I wanted to poke her eyes out in the best Beatrix Kiddo style.

Tarsis was an Alais fling from early this year and the moment she introduced us it was impossible not to want him. One instantly developes a crush with his charm and when one [like moi] listens to his liberal ideals the thing gets serious. He once said that till that moment he had never had homossexual desires, but he surely wouldn't back it off in case it happened. And yeah, I had to control myself not to spill a "you have my number" type of cheesy line.

So last night when he came while my date was at the toilet, my concentration, like I wanted, was finally lost, but of course for the wrong person. He and his entourage sat by a table where I could stare at him and hell I did it! I doubt Reinaldo had noticed it but at that moment I testified that friendship was all we would have. Not that Tarsis was the one I trully wanted to be with, but definitely Reinaldo wasn't.

After all, like Lady Day would say: "I'd rather be lonely than happy with somebody else"...

[Song: Love Me Or Leave Me - Billie Holiday]

Great Expectations

In 1998, Alfonso Cuarón delivered us a lovely, aesthetic and breathtaking loose adaptation from Charles Dickens' novel Great Expectations. [For the record, despite of its youth this film is already a classic for me; Gwyneth Paltrow is so subtle and sexy one can't help loving her.]

In 2006, after few days of [really] cheap philo/poetic flirt I got a date. Yeah, wow... a date!! This guy from internet wanted to meet me and I had nothing to do so here we go; he's not [my-type-of] hot but who knows if he's not a nice guy for a long term re... Meh, who am I trying to fool?

We all know I'm on the thing for the possibility of sex. The guy honestly seems okay: he's major in Literature and he definitelly likes what he's doing because his lines sounds like rip offs from mellow Álvares de Azevedo poems; but since I became a full time cynic I don't buy his crap. I confess that I have a bit of romanticism inside of me but it doesn't fall for Byron-esque conversation, especially when the guy fakes shock when I do a more explicit question.

Did you figure out the trick here? I am a guy who longers for romance, but somehow doesn't believe in romance anymore. Confessing that I am a bit out of my literary orbit and more into the filmography and soundtracks of my life, I think I'd be less bitchy if he came talking about the last movie he watched or his knowledge on pop culture. But still I'd be very suspicious of any gallantry towards me.

So today, when I caught myself listening to Besame Mucho repeatedly I realized I could be becoming Cuarón's Miss Havisham/Mrs Nora Dinsmoor! [Except for the being wealthy part.] But uhg, I'll soon become wrinkled and dried inside and will be leading young pupils to heartache; or spend my hours on internet downloading cover versions from Besame Mucho. Yeah, the latter is already happening...

[Song: Besame Mucho - Diana Krall]

Snob

I can't tell exactly when it started, but I can declare myself today an outsider. But not the type everyone dishes out of the party, the one that simply doesn't attend to the party because he's sure there'll be nothing there to add to his self. But with all the acknowledgement of different personalities and "acceptance" of multi-cultural human beings, isn't this kind of behavior plain stupid? Being a self-proclaimed outsider isn't just a proof of snobbery? What if high standards is nowadyas synonym of prejudice?

All these questions exploded in my head during this evening's class. I hate going there not only because the superficiality of the teaching, but also from the people's mentality. Most of my classmates are silly teenagers who still have no idea of what they want for their lives or post teenagers, like me, who also don't know what they want for their lives, like... me!

Suddenly I realized I still don't know what I want! Oh well, not so dramatic like that. The thing is that I am not so sure if the steps I'm taking are the right ones to take me to where I want to be. All I know right now is that I want to move to Salvador and... that's all. That's all I know so far.

So now, realizing that I don't know quite yet what I want, doesn't that make me as lost and stupid like my classmates?

The only idea that crosses my head at the moment is: "don't judge motherfucker!" I admit I am a snob in several fields of life. I'm a political snob, a music snob, a film snob, a book snob; all of that of course makes my snobbish mind working over time by labeling and judging people. If the party isn't formed by people who don't at least have an idea who Jane Fonda is or who Stanley Kubrick was, I simply stay home with my computer, books and films. At least they don't make my stomach squirm.

Then, instead of separating them in the best nazi-style that my ego loves, I should start thinking them as people who simply have different ideals and tastes from mine. Because certainly my geeky, political aware and pop-culture obsessed conversation must be hellish boring for them. Not that I care about that, but I certainly shouldn't care about pointing them my finger...

[Song: My Love - Justin Timberlake featuring T.I.]

Madonna = Controversy (???)

Okay, you all know I'm a fan of the woman, but I'm writing this not in Madonna's defense, but in human goodness.

I'm pissed about this whole controversy about Madonna and Guy Ritchie adopting little Malawian David Banda. First it was the 18 months evaluation that she supposedly used her celebrity power to skip [which was already proved as major hoax]; the new thing is Yohane Banda's [little Davie's father] claim that he didn't know that the Ritchies were intending to adopt his son for life. Madonna already stated that little David will be always in touch with his original culture and family and he will be free to choose where he wants to live. But that's not my point with this post.

I would really like to know why is all this fuss being made over Madonna's desire to adopt a child. Why's it so hard to believe her good intentions in her action and what makes her unworthy of doing so? What I mean is, since when has everyone become so cynical?

All the media and the critics chose to forget that the main intention on Madonna's trip to Malawi was to deliver a 3 million dollars [or so] fund to built new orphanages and children care centers in a country devastated by centuries of European/American colonialism and imperialism. They also decided to blindfold themselves [therefore the society] to Madonna's funds to anti-STD/AIDS programs and the fact that throughout her career she always talked openly about gay and women rights, safe sex etc; that she's a woman with formed political view concerned about awakening her audience to world's issues and everyone's responsability to everything.

Why can't not only Madonna but other celebrities be involved in political and human rights groups and issues without being involved in cynicism and cold criticisms. What are all these press agencies that decided to bash on the Ritchies' deed to change the situation in Africa and AT LEAST raising in the public the conscience of change? Why aren't these [so-called] human rights groups instead of dissing the Ritchies' adoption using that fact to settle an example of good actions towards Africa?

These people sit comfortable in their offices analyzing number and statics but rarely know how it is to live in a Third World country. Overweighted America bashes on celebrity African adoptions, but they do know how those people are dying from AIDS, and [worst!] hunger due to rich countries policies towards them. They do know that the worst orphanage in the United States or Europe is a hundred times better than any other in Malawi.

Madonna, Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt, Mia Farrow and others celebrities are doing what they can to make a difference, to change the pitiable picture of Africa and other poor countries. So instead of vilifying them, why aren't we all asking ourselves what are WE doing to help?

"When you point the finger, there are three fingers pointed back at you."

[Song: Intervention - Madonna]

HOT!!!

Okay, I'm addicted to this!! Those Beyoncé, Christina Aguilera, Rihanna bitches should ask Nelly Furtado how to do a live performance!!
This woman is the current incarnation of sensuality! She's a normal woman! Not skinny-to-the-bone niether hot-built; just a normal woman with her curves and natural sexiness. And uhg, the way she dresses now is so WOW!!
And dude, MANEATER SAMBA MIX!!! That's like... genius!!
Uhg... reggeaton will be my summer music this year! Me hearts it! Lol...

Waiting For Vodka

My day was about extremes.

First I was woken up by my dog who, sent by my father, came to gently lick my face. I was already awake so I rubbed his ears and and tamed my traitor. However, I was in moody mode; I skipped coffee [!!!] and went straight to my dad's room to watch Sex And The City's second season. Of course I had orgasmic moments following my favorite Manhattanites ever.

But right after it I decided to finally watch an oh-so-beloved movie I've always neglected. Requiem For A Dream was an experience that I wish I'll never repeat. Not that I hated the film, but I definitelly didn't love it either. I confess that I started to watch it with a slightly biased vision since I tend to dislike things commonly praised as masterpieces by most of people; the speedy edition, in my opinion, however interestingly experimental [sometimes it felt like a dark Jonas Åkerlund video], never let me really feel the power of the story. Being utterly honest I only felt it after the disturbingly grotesque final sequence when the credits came up, I took a breath, got up to the bathroom and in the way I felt my knees weaken and right there I had a mini-breakdown that lasted for half an hour. Ellen Burstyn is gorgeous and most of the times very touching in spite of the icy edition; Connelly and Leto are good as well but we never root or sympathize for their characters like we do for Burstyn's.

Nevertheless, I now believe the film never tried to arouse from us any other feeling than pity. Like every Realistic piece of art it only sheds the light on the wound, exposing its horrid anatomy and leaving it there for the world to see. Of course it has its value, but sincerely I'm not fan of these pessimistic points of view on humankind, that shocks you for a couple of hours or so but never sticks to your mind [and feelings] for more than the same time later. The film stands in a very comfortable position of show-and-run: [okay, I'm gonna be judgy now] very pleasant for bourgeois kids wanting to feel politically involved or intellectualized. They need things like "Requiem" to validate their shallow lives. These people raise the hype of such careless film and dislike real political pieces like The Constant Gardener. "Requiem", of course, makes you think [unless you're a cold and insensitive bitch] but it never gives you a direction or any possible remedy for the exposed tumor. You watch, feel the pity and totally forgets about it in a couple days. Ohhh... I LOVED the score though.

After such tough aesthetic images I needed some endorphin; couple of cappuccinos and chocolate cake later I got back home and watched the last Sex And The City's DVD. Oh my G-d!! I laughed my ass of with the infamous Miranda ejaculation scene on the "Was It Good For You" episode and got happy again.

BUT, [because my life without a drama ain't worthy] on the MSN I met my little ex-beau and as I engaded in a masochist chat with him I learned from him he was back together with his ex [the one he left me for] in a commitment free relationship. So, how do you think I felt? LOL!

So... all I wanted was a little dose [aka plenty] of vodka to get drunk and sleepy and be happy for the day. Well, dad didn't find any grocery open... GENIUS!!

[Song: Fidelity - Regina Spektor]

3 Things To Do In This Lifetime

1 - Become rich and famous.
2 - Move to Manhattan.
3 - Become Carrie Bradshaw.

It is not only about all the sex she gets, but uhg... can you say HOT? I mean, this woman is sexy, independent, absolutely intelligent, with a delicious sense of humor, who is not afraid of being out there on the game single and even though sometimes freaks out about that, she's comfortable with what she is; she's a true quirkyalone!

Besides, come on! Every week the hottest club in Manhattan, or a date with the "new Yankee" at THE DOLCE AND GABANA PARTY!! Please, that's all a poor little innocent humble ho can wish for life!!

Okay, I admit: I've been watching too much Sex And The City. But well, don't blame me, it's genius!

[Song: Erotica/You Thrill Me - Madonna]

"I Miss Everyone..."

Today's Nathalia's birthday and it was only when I called her at late night that I recollected how much I miss her.

She was for several months the one companion I knew I could talk to without getting judgement back, neither shallow agreements. Uhg, how I miss having intellectual intercourse with that woman. She knows absolutely everything about me and whenever something happens in my life she's still the one I want to run to and tell.

I love this human being with all my powers and I'll measure no efforts to be there for her wherever it may be.

I'm not much a fan of that pic, but she says it's her favorite from us, so it's there. Happy birthday love and keep living long and greatly like you do, 'cause I intend to have you in my life forever.

[Song: A Million Parachutes - Sixpence None The Richer]

Ella Ella Ella!!!

That's my ideal of heaven [okay, one of them]: that woman singing for me every night.

Paradise Shots

This one is especially for you ho!


My two little devils! They're the cutest cousins one could ever have! He's Rafael, she's Beatriz; both Licia's kids.

Licia, one of my favorite persons in the world. [My nose is huge! u.u]


That is my cousin Roberta. She saved me with all those shrimps and seafood!


Pancada Grande.


Pancada Grande as well.


Morro de São Paulo's entrance. [The only decent photo I have.]

[Song: Forbidden Love - Madonna]

I Heart The Beach

There are only two things about my trip to Valença/Morro de São Paulo that I regret: not being tanned as much as I wanted and not had taken as many photos I wish I had in Morro. The rest: marvelous!

When dad, Rita [dad's girlfriend] and I arrived in Valença, Thursday afternoon, we were rather tired so we decided to remain indoors for the night. I'd stay at my cousin Roberta's and the couple would be at a fancy hotel nearby. Roberta then made us fried shrimp on olive oil with garlic and I must say that it's one of my favorite things in the world. I spent this whole weekend eating seafood and of course having major orgasms at each bite.

The following day after breakfast we went to this waterfall called Pancada Grande, an hour or so from Valença. I believe that I've never been to such relaxing place so far! The ground was VERY slicky but the danger was worth to be under the water and get the greatest massage your back can ever get.

On the Saturday we went to the most waited [at least for me]: Morro de São Paulo. Uhg, can you say heaven? I've told before about the fishermen village mood that the whole island has, but this time it gave me huge urges to live there, or at least to stay for more than a day. One of the ways to get to Morro [which was the one we did] is by raft that you take in Valença's port. When we got there my first thought was that what Valença has of ugliness Morro compensates with beauty. Not only the place itself, but the people! The sea is transparent and the men are hot, especially the tourists of course. Most of Morro's inhabitants were tourists, especially gringos, that couldn't leave the place due to its beauty and pleasant environment. Of course that the prices there are a bit salty but it's amazing how it has everything! I found there, more cafés than there is in my current town [which for me is a huge deal].

As we left Morro I couldn't help wanting more. Definitely that is one of my favorite places in Earth, where surely I am to go back many more times.

*Pics later, when Blogger decides to collaborate*

[Song: History - Madonna]

Tales From Yesterday [Part 2]

So... yesterday [before the whole Zenaide drama] I was at home minding my own business when a guy calls at the door asking if that was Danilo's house. Uhh... I obviously replied no but noticed he was was obviously gay.

Later, when I went out for Coke I met him a street above mine looking kind of lost. So, I innocently decided to walk by that street. Approaching him I acted surprise and asked "dude, are you lost?" and he "yeah, kinda." I uselessly tried to explain the street scheme of that neighborhood, but he didn't know which street or house was Danilo's.

I then offered my phone since his cellular was dead so he had to come over to my house. In the way we had the usual small talk: "you're so nice... I like music and crap... bla bla bla." Me being very polite and my usually quiet, replying very instantly and with few words [I am like this when I first meet a person ok ho!], until we got home and he didn't want to come in because of Hercules, my Akita. So I went in and called Danilo for Victor [the guy's name which I only intentionally remembered to ask after I 1st tried to reach Danilo... it's a game folks, and I'm here to play it] but Danilo turned out to be unreachable. As I went out to give Victor the news he asked for my msn and of course I gave.

[Today...]

An hour ago or so I was chating with him and he asked "what is in cognito in your life?" Of course I knew what was that about, but since I have a very very wicked mind I decided to play so my first replies were stupidly random things like "uhh... I love Paris Hilton" or "my ego is huge"... all things very known of myself. *giggles* Later I told him he could ask me anything he wanted because I wouldn't mind and things were finally revealed.

He's not my type, but it's an acquaintance.

[Song: Oh My G-d - P!nk featuring Peaches]

[PS: I'm in Valença, at my cousin's LOVELY home - which I'll take plenty of photos. Tomorrow we're going to Morro de São Paulo yaaay! Don't laugh ho!]

Tales From Yesterday [Part 1]

I have a couple things to say about yesterday that I could not post before.

Zenaide suffered a car accident. She was going back home and the van turned on the freeway. She was wounded badly, but she's fine with no aparent grave damages.

When we learned about the accident I was really scared, because call me paranoid or not I had dreamed about her dying in a car wreck a week before. Until we were able to see her in the hospital I was in constant state of fear. Zenaide is one of the most important persons in my life. She's been with us since I was a pre-adolescent; she makes me laugh histerically with her anecdotes, knows all about me and we're true confidents, to lose her in this period of my life would be awfully painful. But thank G-d she's alright and it'll be not this time she'll get rid of us!

Solitude

Something tells me I already did a post with this name, but whatever.

Today I watched Lost In Translation for the second time. I've been neglecting this second time for ages but I finally got my lazy ass up to see it and refresh my memory of Sofia's amazing tale.

First of all, these days in Bahia have made me develop my skills in pleasing myself for myself, not on that dirty way ho, the clean one. Back during my last month in Marilia I tasted my first steps to solitude; I had the house all for myself except for eventual [and sometimes unwanted] visits from my friends. When I got here I kind of knew I'd go through a similar period, since I don't know anyone here anymore, and even though dad and Zenaide [our lovely funny adorable long time friend maid] sometimes provide me the good convos, I sometimes miss the good similar-age/mind tête-à-tête.

So tonight when I saw "Lost In Translation" I could not help feeling like both Charlotte and Bob. These guys were always alone even when surrounded by people and dude, I feel like that all the time! Most of the time it's welcomed and I appreciate these moments of solitude. Others, like lately, it's somewhat grieving. But even if "it's a fleeting moment, the minute it happens it makes lonely life worthy."

I'm longering for such moments lately; of course this all sounds very whining and it's been boring me as well! My lonesome situation was predicted and it didn't keep me from making the choice I made, which I don't regret at all. But dude, "time goes by so slowly for those who wait"!!!

[Song: Oh My G-d - P!nk featuring Peaches]

My Favorite Movie Of The Year

G-d knows how I'm good about myself, and that I am not a romantic fool who loses himself for the urge of a feeling similar to love.
But damn, this movie is my fairy tale pleasure. Of course there's nothing as faily tale-esque on Jane Austen's novel neither on Wright's beautiful motion picture; but the charisma of the former's characters and the latter's actors makes it such a thrilling and lovely film that one cannot help to fall for it.
I may not live for the day that a Mr. Darcy will come to tell me that "you have bewitched me, body and soul, and I love, I love, I love you. I never wish to be parted from you from this day on", but when this day comes...
*dies*

[Song: Your Hands Are Cold - Dario Marianelli]

Definitely

Next week!!
October 12th is Children's Day in Brazil and also Our Lady Of Aparecida, the patron saint of this country. I was supposed to go to Salvador, but all leads that Salvador will only happen in a next Holiday because I feel like and have to go to Morro de São Paulo!
Morro is a charming island next to Valença, a town close to here, that used to be a fishermen village before it becomes a massive tourist mark. I went there once but stayed only a day and now I want more of this:

Ho, Only You Will Get The Text

kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk
kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk
kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk
kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk
kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk
*dies*
[Song: Jump - Madonna]
[PS: I can't help watching it over and over again! I luuuuuuuuuuv it!!]

I'm Alive

[...And I won't just press publish ho!]

...And nah, this ain't the begining of a J.Lo inspired post. It's just that I wanted to tell about my last daying. Well, they've been just as dull as always; nothing really exciting is going on in my life except for a literature congress that I'm attending that is making me miss college, but I'm enjoying.

Besides that I've decided to work on my Rosh Hashanah list and improove my spiritual evolution, plus health. I'm marking appointments at doctors, doing some exams and then joining a gym, I need to work out. New year, new life!

Besides that I'm all obsessed about Erotica/You Thrill Me again and still horny and still needy.

That's all folks...

[Song: as if you don't know... sing along ho!!]

[PS: DAYING!! LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...OOOL]