January 10th

Fat Unities: 2 [in liquid form... cappuccinos]; alcoholic unities: 0 [boring!]; cigarettes: 3 [and the last one was awful... mix of guilt with dizziness].

Holy fuck! Last night I got home feeling sick lied down for a while and woke up at 3 a.m.! I went out with Soraya [intel girl]; we hit the movies to see a lovely Brazillian piece about growing up in a strange environment and later we went to the town's café, Don'Antônia.

Sol is a marvel, we've talked about all her favorite subjects that happened to be mine as well: movies and jazz! We raved on Meryl Streep, our mutual favorite actress alive, and before the movie session I could not leave the department store without a La Streep piece I've been meaning to watch for ages. I recommended her classics she never watched like An Affair To Remember, All About Eve, A Star Is Born and Breakfast At Tiffany's [!] and some modern marvels like Mean Girls.

Soraya is funny and adorable; she also has the same memory problem as mine, maybe even more critical [she forgets movie titles!], and turned out to be a total carefree person, a bit different from the high school girl I used to remember. She was okay about my smoking, although she despises cigarettes. At the café we raved more on Julie Andrews [her love] and Audrey Hepburn [my love], talked about our lives, the optimism over 2007 and food talk.

After we Judy-ed, I drove her home and stopped at a fast-food in the way home to have a milk-shake and a smoke. Uhg the smoke! It took over my brains in the worst fashion possible, making me feel sick and like puking. I suddenly felt this huge guilt ["why the fuck am I smoking?!"] combined with all those feelings; my very dramatic side made me hate myself and lose the optimism; I hated the fact I was smoking, I hated my strawberry milk-shake [I left without drinking a sip], I hated the fact I was alone, I hated myself for hating being alone... I tried to read but the book's words just jumbled before my eyes and made me even more sick. Peach Trees came instantly on my mind... but honestly I don't want that anymore. Supercalifragilistiexpialidocious cheered me up a little as I drove home but uhg I lied down and died.

Now... I feel like throwing up, but I still want a cigarette.

[Song: All By Myself - Celine Dione]

PS: Bridget Jones post.