If you ask me what is my dream I'll say "I want to be a respected and famous actor." This dream still persists but I've been so far and I've been to so many places and have experienced so many stuffs about myself in the past two years that I don't know exactly what I want anymore.
Nah, actually, let's say I realized now that I have many dreams; every New Year's Eve I somehow end up by myself, apart from everyone and then I have my new year's epiphanies or initial daydreams and wishes. From 2005 to 2006, right after the year shift I realized/decided 2006 would be my "coming out" year; I went to gay clubs, got boys, came out of the closet for a lot of people including my parents etcetera.
This year, after a semi-argument with Alais I took a stroll on the beach as the first day of the year dawned; I felt free and secure of myself. As I watched the first rays of sunlight burning the chilly waters of the sea I felt this amazing afterglow, a feeling of security that 2007 will be a year of accomplishment and paving. I'm keeping myself from having high hopes, but I'm sure that Salvador will do me great.
One day, I went to the Solar Do Unhão in Salvador to see Volver; it was near sunset and I completely fell in love with that city - like huge crush. There's something so mischievous about Salvador: it's like that wacko and hip friend you love spending time with but you know you can't completely trust, but you don't refuse his company at all; like the dark corner you know you should not turn, but you certainly do because it's the shortcut home. You see everything there, from the beautiful scenarios to the anguishing situations; and I've been to São Paulo quite a few times, the supposed "diversity city" of my country, it's not half as mesmerizing as Salvador. I love São Paulo's stiff and beautiful buildings the genius architectures and the fact it never sleeps; but it's far from having the je ne sais quoi and swing Salvador has. São Paulo is grey, while Salvador is beyond colorful.
As I came closer to the Solar's pier and I saw that huge orange ball touching the water with its million golden magic needles, illuminating not only the ocean but everyone around's smiles and countenances, making them all look absolutely beautiful even if they weren't so much, I felt like home. "How could it hurt you when it looks so good?"
So, when I felt the beach wind caressing my face in the first morning of 2007 I felt excited to go back to Salvador, and for good to put my life on tracks there, live that town, know it and inject it into my veins. I'm excited about reassuring my dreams, or renewing them; having new experiences, that I don't exactly expect them to be good and/or totally pleasurable, I just want to have them in that new and somewhat hostile [because it's new] environment.
"Que será, será. Whatever will be, will be."
[Song: Smile - Lily Allen]
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