Far From Home

It's funny how sometimes you hear people on films or whatever saying their hearts and minds don't belong to where they are, or are not fully present at the moment. Funny because everyone can relate to that, but no one exactly knows how it feels.

As I returned from my Reading and Writing class I realized how disconnected and distracted I was. I did my way home probably in the same period of time I usually do, but I got surprised when I already was one block away from my street. I even reprehended myself for acting to spacey and distracted, since my neighborhood isn't exactly what you can call friendly and peaceful. But my thoughts soon flowed away as I came to conclusion I am having some kind of light banzo. [Ho, you'll now rejoice and die with this.]

Banzo is basically the morbid saudade one feels once apart from his homeland and culture. While saudade leads basically to melancholy, banzo is dangerous to the point of madness. Not that I'm going even more crazy, but the moment I got back to Salvador I haven't yet felt that I am here. Probably still affected by all the Conquista happenings [drunkness, heartbreak agravation by jealousy and then honest desire of healing, friendship reassurances, goodbye parties etc] I've become numb to the dangers of walking distractedly in a big city, as well to the fact I still have a paper to do, an article to write [actually had, although I'm sure the teacher will tell me to do it again], a big exam tomorrow in the morning and some bills to pay.

Coldly you can say my banzo is actually laziness, but I know it is not only that. In conclusion, I came to terms that although I'm physically here, my heart is still unraveled 500km behind longing for the moment when it'll be remended to the rest of the body. Although I'm not on the verge of a violent and unproductive reaction to my saudade, I'm already counting the days when I'll be leaving here again.

[Song: Possibly Maybe - Björk]