I'm Going To Tell You A Secret

To know more, to be more aware of ourselves, to grow and evolve and thus to the power to make a difference. This was the idea that stuck into my mind after finally watching Madonna's new film I'm Going To Tell You A Secret. Yesterday I finished downloading and today I watched all the videos on a row to reassure - not that it was needed - how amazing and beautifully inteligent Madonna is. By witnessing her relationship with dancers, band-members and staff, plus her family and especially with herself, we see how much she grew through all these years.

But the interesting thing is: as a real fan, that pays attention not only to the entertainer-Madonna, but also to the thought-provoking woman that she is since the beginning, it's impossible not to be inspired by this woman's growth. By the end of the movie, you become trully inspired to achieve self-awareness, so we can also be Light and change the world we live in.

I'm Going To Tell You A Secret is a fun and touching movie and is a "must-watch" for every Madonna fan, and I believe a great source of inspiration for everyone. It is a subtle and yet straight wake-up call.



(Song: Imagine - John Lennon)

Getting over...

Felt like I was rewinding my whole life by reintroducing him into the scenary, but in the end I felt better than I thought I would. I won't lie to anyone, much less to myself: some certain feelings still remain.

Yeah, life's a bitch, especially when we bitch it and sabotage ourselves. This time, once again, I'll let things go with the flow, but I'll try not to get lost of the track.

(Song: X-Static Process - Madonna... The MOST perfect song for the moment...)

Simchat Torah

Simchat Torah was PERFECT!! I spent the day walking down the streets on a terribly hot day, feeling the breeze on my face while listening to upbeat and happy music, and avoiding all kinds of drama that I or people would or could bring to myself.

At night ma vache (my mom) decided to hang on the computer till 2am. But in the meantime, since I was decided not to let this amazing Kabbalist holiday, in which we're suppose to have fun and feel happy by dancing, laughing and walking in circles to generate Encircling-Light, pass by inadvertent, I put my Re-Invention Tour DVD, by Madonna (aka G-d), and DANCED!!

There I was at 1am: voguing, shaking, waving, bouncing, spinning, whirling, etc etc!! Music and Holiday were done twice each, and by the time I stopped, my whole body was soak in sweat. After a shower, I logged on the MSN and still avoided all kinds of things that would tear my perfect night down.

And well, I don't know if it's normal to feel this way, but while and after dancing, I felt this incredible energy, filled with happiness and good vibrations. I'm really feeling I'll have a wonderful year. I wish things, of course, but I'm sure I'll be comfortable and centered if things end up not working the way I plan.

I promise myself that this forthcoming year will be very well lived!

*cheers*

Songlist of 2005 Simchat Torah:

00. ESSENTIAL TRACK: HUNG UP - MADONNA
01. Holiday - Madonna
02. Music - Madonna
03. Into The Groove - Madonna
04. Hollaback Girl - Gwen Stefani
05. What You Waiting For? - Gwen Stefani
06. Luxurious - Gwen Stefani
07. The Real Thing - Gwen Stefani
08. Cool - Gwen Stefani
09. Screwed (Alex G Remix) - Paris Hilton :P
10. Rumors - Lindsay Lohan
11. Bucky Done Gun - M.I.A.
12. Gallang - M.I.A.
13. Over To You Now - Britney Spears
14. Chaotic - Britney Spears

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

J.K. Rowling delivered us the saddest book of the series, and the saddest book I've read so far. Of course I won't spoil it by telling what happens, but the 6th Harry Potter gets you hooked since the very beginning (which thankfully has very little of the Muggle part of the history), till the very last word, ripping out from you hurtful tears by the things that happen. Never a book has let me so sad as this one.

J.K. Rowling is a genious.... Can't wait for ther last book!!

PS: Missing the Honduran Salope!!

(Song: Autobiography - Ashlee Simpson)

Stupid Brain!

Sometimes I wish I was those stupid dumbasses who do stupid stuff and don't notice...

Actually, I don't think I did stupid stuff!! This is me and I've been like that since forever!! FUCK IT!!! All I want is vacation!!! Come December!!!!

(Song: Mobile - Avril Lavigne)

Holly Shit!! Not again...

Yesterday was Nathalia's birthday and I spent the whole day with her. She was kinda sick and I was there making her company on a gloomy birthday. I introduced her the album version of Hung Up and some other cool music, such as Britney's Chaotic and Kylie's Fever. We talked about music in general, high hopes on Madonna's upcoming album, art, school, in the end we had a nice time. But I had only one thing in mind while I was with her: to plant my lips on hers. This urge is not new, so I kept my cool.

But it kept me pondering. Because I don't want to feel infatuated again. I don't want the heart-racings, nor the anxiety, much less the anticipation to be around someone. I'm ok with my loneliness and I don't want again be hooked by someone who will not respond my feelings.
.
.
.
.
.
But still, yes, I wanna make out with her!!!

(Song: Ainda Bem - Vanessa da Mata)

Independence

It's weird when you have someone depending on you when your living so well your liberty. No, I did not adopted a child, though sometimes I feel as though I did.

I know sometimes people link their needs to others (wether people or things). I don't believe it's a right way to live, so I don't do it, but not everybody has such consciousness. The thing is, sometimes I get impatient when I'm the one who receives all the stream of necessities.

If you're not feeling ok with yourself, you cannot expect people to fulfuill you. Besides, it's not a healthy thing to tranfer to people your needs, especially because one, they have no obligation to assist you, and two, you'll never feel satisfied anyway.

So, independence is the way to go!! Improve your life with your own tools!

By the way, this week we're supposed to feel happy!! To be ourselves and have fun in the world!! Be cool, goofy, dance around and listen to our favorite tunes!! \o/ So, I'm ALL about HUNG UP!!!! Madonna's new track is absolutelly perfect for let go and have fun!!

(Music: MADONNA - HUNG UP!!!!!... also, Kylie - Body Language.)

The Constant Gardener

Well, I just came here to express how much I loved this film. With outstanding acting performances by Ralph Fiennes and luminous Rachel Weisz, thrilling cinematography, great script and genious directing, my Brazillian fellow Fernando Meirelles made the best film of the season so far.
All those excruciating minutes enduring a bunch of annoying 11-year-old girls with change truouble on the tickets-line were worth it.

(Song: Breakway - Kelly Clarkson)

São Paulo Days...

Since I stayed most of the week in the great city without posting, I'll try to sum these amazing days in a brief journal.

October's 8th, Saturday

I was supposed to arrive at my dad's at 6am, but I arrived an hour earlier. And since I'm a good and nice nerd, I came straight to the computer to... to... it doesn't really matter cuz I Lucas without a computer is useless Lucas. Anyways, after surfing on Madonna's message board, of course, and waiting for Flavia, who delayed to come, I went to bed, cuz even after a huge cup of coffee during the trip, I still needed to sleep. (By the way, I love my dad and loved to see him again...)
I woke at 11am and took a shower and me and my dad went to the mall. São Paulo is this cosmopolitan multi-cultural metropolis, where we can find all sort of things to do, since shopping in amazing and fancy stores to making out with unknown at Ibirapuera's Park (no I didn't do that). But still, the best place to go (at least for me) is the mall. We went to this one closer to our home, which I love, called Villa-Lobos. There I had a Big Mac with french-fries and milk-shake as lunch (my favorite McDonald's meal!) and realized I was bored of it... lol. AND OH DEAR!! São Paulo's men are the hottest ever!!

October's 9th, Sunday

We went to Villa-Lobos again. I bought British edition of Harry Potter and The Half-Blood Prince (reading and loving it). After spending hours in Cultura Bookstore, seeing books and cds, we went to the cinema, where we were supposed to watch Bewitched. But since my dad didn't like it that much and I wasn't so excited to see it anymore, we decided to watch The 40 Year Old Virgin. *turn Janice voice on* OH MY G-----D!!! It was simply the BEST comedy I've watched in years!! I didn't stop laughing from 1st minute till the genious 1979's musical Hair parody final sequence. The film is more than a dumb American comedy like Scary Movie and Not Another Teen Movie. It has substantial and clever jokes, and sex is just the tip of the iceberg of a plot that can be a very good and funny essay about growing up and being mature.
Ohh!! I had real disappointments on people I admired, after a ill-intentioned and stupid thread on Madonna's forum. But thankfully I was really over a ghost that had been haunting me the last few days. And this day had a reassuring mood after some good revelations and open-ups. I LOVE LIFE!!

October's 10th, Monday

I've no idea what happened this day! lol

October's 11th, Tuesday

I debuted my new blog where I'll right reviews for my favorite cds.
CD Bitch (and Jose you bitch, you better read my reviews! I promoted you to my fucking editor!)

October's 12th, Wednesday

I was mad, cuz my stupid Bunny gnawed a bit of my precious book (I just sounded like Gollum! U_U)!! I deserted him for life! (Nah, I still love him! :P) But...
HOLIDAY!! CELEBRATE!! It was Children's Day here and we went to this place called Radio Atual. It was a Northern stronghold, where I ate one of my favorite Brazillian cuisine's dish: Sarapatel. Don't even ask me to describe it. It was delicious, but the heat was killing me. Not only São Paulo's men are hot, its climate is horribly hot!! I was almost fainting. So what do you when you're really hot? You refresh yourself in a fresh place with air conditioner. Where to find such place on a holiday? THE MALL!! And of course, we went to Villa-Lobos again.
We spent severeal hours again stuck in Cultura Bookstore until we decided to go to the movies. And we tried to see something else, but we couldn't resist to review The 40 Year Virgin. The second time is even better than the first!! (yes, I just made a sex joke, and you better laugh at it! ;) ).
The day was also amazing, because I had a friend opening her chest to me. I love her to death, and no matter what she does I'll still love her.
Ahhhh!! I purchased Kylie Minogue's 2002 album, Fever!! It's supposed to be on my hands tomorrow (Saturday).

October's 13th, Thursday

All these days, I was supposed to meet a friend from Madonna's Forum. Rafael, my doable friend, as me and Jose call him, is a very sweet guy who would take me to my very 1st experience on a gay club. Well, I chicken-shitted and my dad helped not to go at all, cuz he didn't let me get a bus at night, since our neighboorhood isn't exactly "Wisteria Lane" under the darkness.
At daylight I was supposed to go to Paulista Avenue, but then I got lazy and just went to the nearest supermarket to do some shopping. I bought 3 amazing cds, Kylie's last year's geniousness Body Language, Alanis' last year's fiasco So-Called Chaos and her current-year piece of art Jagged Little Pill Acoustic. You can read my reviews for them at my CD Bitch blog.
OMG!! THE LEAK OF HUNG UP!!!!

October's 14th, Friday ("TODAY")

Well I was also to go to Paulista Avenue, but Hung Up didn't let me leave home. It has been FUCKING hot in here the whole day and I almost killed myself due to it (*drama queen mode on*)!!
At night, me and my dad went to a Jazz concert at, where?, Villa-Lobos Mall (it's already my second home in São Paulo)!! OMG!! This concert worthed my whole week in here. Jazz is the purest and best kind of music in the world. When you attend to a Jazz concert, you'd feel like the instruments have lives of their own, if their players weren't so cool and fun to watch. I really cannot understand how someone can call Jazz as a bore. It's the same of calling music a bore!! I also bought Kelly Clarkson's Breakaway and I'm still amazed by it! Kelly is an AMAZING performer and she's definitelly came to stay and have a long career!! Since U Been Gone is an anthem!!
PS: I indeed called my "date" with my doeable friend off. Well, I hope we can do that next time I come to this "paradise".

Well, this is it for now! Tomorrow I'll do my good-bye visit to Villa-Lobos, since it's my last full day here and we'll watch the anticipated (by me at least) movie: The Constant Gardner. And of course, my Fever album will arrive!!! \o/

TIME GOES BY SO (fucking) SLOWLY!!

Holly shit!! Madonna's upcomming single, Hung Up, leaked and I can't stop listening to it!! It's AMAZING!! And it'll be a delicious smash hit!! For those idiots who said she was old and rotten!!

The song is to be released on October's 17th, Monday, and Warner are threatening who spread the song via email, blog, forums or whataver. Ok, I won't put a download link here, but I won't stop listening to it until... until... who knows!! The track is damn good!!

São Paulo

Every time I come to this town I feel uplifted and alive. This time isn't different. A week before I was already counting down the hours and now here I am. I feel like I'll have a marvelous week!

(Song: Dia Especial - Shakira)

...

I've got a feeling in my soul
Love burns brighter than sunshine
It's brighter than sunshine
Let the rain fall I dont care
I'm yours and suddenly you're mine
Suddenly you're mine
And it's brighter than sunshine...

Brighter Than Sunshine - Aqualung

(Got the blues... or the reds...)

Revisiting...

Yesterday I revisited some of my life by retyping some of the poems I wrote last year. Today I feel more mature and grown and it's good and somewhat fun to notice that this process has been happening and how it's been going on. Suddenly I was happy to feel again some lost feelings, escially for some certain person. Even though the weekend was kinda turbulent due to a huge fight I had with my hubby, I had amazing moments, including a whole Sunday of gorgeous sleep!
I hope this week is as amazing and thoughtful as last one.

(Quit song: Hung Up - Madonna)

I Don't Miss You At All...

It's not like I don't miss anyone at all... but you know when you need those moments of your own, when you try to think about your dumb life? This is it. And this time, seems I'm really doing it; so all I need is some peace of mind.

YUD YUD RESH

(Song: I Don't Miss You At All - Norah Jones)

Let Go

Need is what we feel when we neglect ourselves...

Sometimes we connect our spiritual needs to the outside world, whether it's something, or whether someone. We often catch ourselves saying, "I'll be happy when I have that", "I'll be complete when whoever loves me", "I'll find happiness when I'm rich and famous", and when those things never happen, we fall into frustration, pain and depression. And therein lay the problem.
Lately - I mean, in the last couple days - I've been transfering my instant happiness to others. Insetead of making my day good, I've been waiting people to do it. But to be honest, I've had enough last night. I'll still have people in my life, and inviting them to make good moments in it, while I'll also try to be good at people's lives. But I am the second engineer (the first is always the Light) and the main project for now on . This line may sound very corny, but it's the utterly true at the moment: "hapinness lies in the palm of your hand."

(Quit "song" session: The Power Of Good-Bye - Madonna)

The Unknown

Today I went to the movie with my sister to finally watch The Amityville Horror. At first, if you're fan of awesome horror movies, that really scare the crap outta you, I recomend you this film. I believe everyone has at least an idea of what The Amityville Horror was, so I won't ramble about it. But the movie is so thrilling (and I badly anticipated it since I read the book) that I'd like to discuss some things that it made me think about.

Since whenever, we, human beings, wonder about life after death or if spirits, ghosts, poltergeists are real or just literature imagination. Many claim that the Lutz's story is a hoax. That by making up a horror story they'd get easy money. These people may be right, however, I don't believe that stories like the Lutz's are impossible. Since I belive that human beings have spirits, I believe that after a completed circle (death) spirits remain around us, carrying characteristics of their carnal lives. So I do believe in "evil" spirits and that they can influence our lives. No, I'm not a religious freak that believes all our actions and thoughts are influenced by the demon, actually, I don't believe on the Devil.
What's kind of interesting in all this is the attraction for the ocult that we grew in ourselves. Literature and cinema have been exploring this field exhaustingly and, even if most of the stories are similar, it still steals our attentions. As they say, it's what we don't know that fascinates us the mostly.

Song: Nothing Fails - Madonna (the one I'm listening to right now).

VAV HEY VAV

I should be killed every time I take my frustrations out on the person who loves me the best. The who always understands when I do crap and is always willing to put me at first on his life, even if I never do the same. I should be killed for neglecting such person.
But this is guilt and remorse is only here to invite me for a change. They're not supposed to hang out with my ego and keep me stopped at the same place. That's why this month, month of Virgo, I'm all about Time Travelling, so I can "transmorm my past, reshape my presnt, and creat a future full of joy and fulfillment."

Song: 1. No/La Pared - Shakira

Prepare Yourselves!!!!

Ring ring ring goes the telephone
The lights are on but there's no-one home
Tick tick tock it's a quarter to two
And I'm done
I'm hanging up on you

The Circle Will Come Around...

I guess this is the most neglected blog of the web... but I promise to kill my lazyness and write more often here (liar!).
Well, a lot happened since my last post and that's why the title of this one fits properly in what is to come. It's somewhat weird how we, in a moment, have an opinion and position about a certain situation and how we say to ourselves "this is it! There's no come back this time!", and suddenly we get ourselves facing this thing again and making the decisions we avoided before.
It reminds me of a pre-fame Michelle Branch song called Second Chances. Sometimes we have million second chances. The Light is always giving us many oportunities, not to do over, but to do better, try harder. When we catch ourselves having these second chances we get sure that the circle does come around, and we should move with it. If fate gives us the chance to try again, do so! Shall we not waste precious opportunity with pride and ego. Things happen in our lives to make us grow and have a larger notion from situations. There I was bragging myself for "letting go" of a virtual relationship, when I actually was very tied to it.
Enough of the "love-bla-bla-bla"...

My dear COW is about to release a new album in November! The COW is Madonna and the album is Confessions On A Dancefloor. We from the Madge-World are all excited about Hung Up's (1st single) launch and all the forthcoming projects. We'll have a very Madonna Christmas this year! And I can't wait for it!!!

To Stop Pretending...

You know like when you really get away for a while, and start thinking about everything you've been doing in your life and the other things you've been losing due to your current actions?
Well, July was the month of thinking. My computer got sick and almost passed away, of course I was petrified, how could I live without my PC? Then I started to do the things I wasn't doing through the whole semester, and I felt like re-descovering life. I saw friends I didn't see for months, I left the shell to find a dull, but fun when you wanted, city. Revisited thoughts and feelings, re-heard all my favorite CDs, wrote some poems and started a tale, found new obsessions and even got out of the closet (for my mom and friend Juliana only).
But the most important thing is that I liberated myself from a future-less feeling, a romance that got me stuck for 4 months. I don't regret have lived it, but right now I don't want to cloister and hibernate for another half-year. I definitelly had decided to stop pretending I was fulfilled. Am I fulfilled? Of course not! I still haven't found what I'm looking for... but now I'll look for it in the real world.