The Lunch Out

Seriously, my timing must have been really damaged; I chose the worst moment to come out of the closet for my mom.

She arrived here last night with the intention to kill the "saudade" and have a talk with my sister about her school. When she sent the email telling me she was coming and staying at my house [my father's house] I sensed a fear growing inside me; maybe there lies one of my mistake: even before the woman arrives I am already picturing horrible arguments between her and my father. According not only to Kabbalah but to every Eastern philosophy-or-religion and the Western ones that incorporated the former, there is a circle of energy around us and it affects the environment and the living beings around us. So when she arrived there was this awe in disguise in the way I was acting that I can't say now whether I was already sensing an eminent fight between us or if this have provoked it.

Earlier today there were some fights between her, my dad and my sister and I tried the most to stay out of them, having a considerable success. My dad left the house and we went to the mall to have lunch; I tried to put the latest dramas aside and enjoy the last hours we had together [she anticipated her bus ticket for tonight] but I succumbed to ego and remained distant. Until she said:

"All you see now on TV, on the novelas are gays and lesbians. It's so disgusting!"

My eyes opened widely in some kind of shock, right at that moment I was thinking if I should tell her about me! And to hear such homophobic statement was... well it was definitely not supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. And there I lost control, I said that everything that was being shown was great and it was about time that the media showed it as a normal thing because there were homossexuals in the world and they were as normal as everyone else, making clear that I thought her remark as prejudiceful and homophic as I'd never have expected from her.

She declared she was okay about homossexuality because she had relatives and knew a lot of people that were, but she didn't endorse all the promiscuity, drugs, shocking behaviors etc that supposedly came along with queeness; besides for a parent it was hard because he/she would never really accept it, no matter how open minded the parent was. Well, I still don't know how I should have felt at that moment, but I know I felt offended and when she asked me why [for the third time] I stormed out:

"Because I am! And those comments really bothered me especially coming from you."

"You are what?"

"I'm homossexual, or are you going to tell me you didn't know?" [This was the moment my petulance was more than evident and I started to hate myself.]

I gave a glance at my sister that was by my right side, morbidly curious if I was getting from her the same shocked countenance I was getting from my mom; I wasn't, so I got back to my lasagna as mother cried and said how bitchy and insensitive of me to tell her such thing that way. I agreed; I definitely wasn't planing to reveal myself that way and was [am] majorly disappointed at myself to have done as such. But what was done was done and I could not take everything back anymore.

She said a lot of more stuff I tuned down in my head, got up and left; I looked at my sister and told her to go after her, I remained sat and thought about everything, loathing myself for the lack of self control as I waited for a very caloric and sweet petit gâteau. A minute after I ordered it, my sister calls me on the cell; I went to where she told me to and there she was, my mom fainted on a shoe store's couch! Yeah, you may laugh ho, if there weren't so much people surrounding I would've laughed myself at the whole soap operaesque situation we were going through.

We took her to the hospital and the doctor said she was only stressed out due to the discussion and her blood pressure lowered. I called my dad to pick us up and he dared to ask "do I really have to go?" which made me pissed, but what made me ultra pissed was that he never made it! We took a ride with some friends that were there and as soon as we stepped into the house, my father called inquiring why we weren't there at the hospital anymore.

Back when we arrived at the hospital, Universe managed to give us [or at least me] a message: the place was in uproar due to a car wreck that had just happened; the cab-driver and I carried my mom in and there were no beds to accomodate her; a nurse found us a wheel chair and the driver went away. When my sister and I carried my mom out, some of the relatives and friends from the people involved in the accident were there anxiously waiting for further information. Among them there was a cute guy I used to flirt with whenever I saw him and he was so clearly frightened that I felt as normal as I should feel; that comforted me with the fact our drama was nothing compared to those people's.

What is it? Growing up?

[Song: Turn Into Love - Kylie Minogue]