Fuck Off Is Not The Only Thing You Have To Show

Here I am in a cyber-place in Salvador (Bahia) to check out my emails and remind myself how to be the good nerd I always am. I'm writing all my holidays drama-queen moments, so during February, I can tell 'em here.

To be honest I'm dying to get back home, but I still have some things to do here. The title of the post is just the song that is in my head, by Cansei de Ser Sexy, a Brazillian band (genius!).

(Song: Alala - Cansei de Ser Sexy => my favorite song by them)

The 10 Madonna Commandments

1. Deeper and deeper and deeper... the deeper I go...

2. No matter where you are, no matter where you come from. You can always change, become a better version of yourself.

3. Rejection is the greatest afrodisiac.

4. FUCK OFF MOTHERFUCKERS!!

5. There's only so much you can learn in one place. The more that you wait, the more time that you waste.

6. I'm so stupid...

7. If you want to reach the top, reach the top.

8. I'm gonna destroy my ego

9. There's no greater power than the power of good-bye.

10. Don't you ever ever ever tell me... TO STOP!

(Song: Forbidden Love (2005) - Madonna)

The Cady Syndrome

This week on Kabbalah we're supposed to make a stand and choose between being good or bad. For Kabbalah (and also for me), worst than being bad is being none one nor another. To be in the middle of both means you contribute in nothing to life's wheel. Surely we must all be good and work our way towards the Light and honestly that's the path I decided to choose.

It's funny when I look back at my adolescence, I realize I was just like Lindsay Lohan's character in Mean Girls, Cady Heron. I was able to do all these horrible things as saying bad things about someone at their back and sabbotaging people, and acting like an angel. In other words, I would never dare to take the blame for my own actions in will to keep a good image to others. I was always standing in the middle, never taking chances and responsabilities.

I'm sure that now I'm not such person. Since I started studing Kabbalah, along with a year during analisys with a shrink, I've been changing my actions for a more proactive behavior. And now, during the last days of Scorpio, I'm even more commited to chalenge myself to the good. And as Cady, I'll be sucking the poison out of me.

Even though I try not to care about people saying things every time I turn my back, I still hate such thing, so I'm doing this anymore. I have to tell myself if I like that person or not and never act nicely around them, while I'm monster in their absence. To gain trust we must give a trustworth behavior and this is how I'm more accomplished to be.

Aside from the soulsearching actions, my life's ok. My PC died once more and here I am at college's computer having a girlie boy flirting with me once in a while, I'm still sick, my flu's killing me. I'm re-reading The Little Prince, my bigtime childhood book, I'm hooked on Kylie again (Better The Devil You Know is playing in my brains all day long); I'm anxious about my big Xtmas trip and the possibility to finally meet my hubby, and... I think that's all. Just for the record, Madonna rocks!!!

(Song: Mer Girl - Madonna)

Terrible Mood

I'm getting a flu. My nose is unbearably itching, my head aches, I feel sleepy all day long, my breath's "weird" (not to say stinky u.u), my throat's sore and my mood's in limbo.

I'm feeling kind of worried about my dad's visit on Wednesday, my English and French courses, and I feel mostly numb, like I lost power of action. I think I must pray in these cases.

I also feel like spending money. Christmas's coming and this time of year ALWAYS increases 10 times the strength of the Shopper Beast inside me. Here goes my list for this year:

1. Madonna's Confessions On A Dance Floor - Limited Edition;
2. Kylie Minogue's Impossible Princcess;
3. Kylie Minogue's KM 1994;
4. Joss Stone's Mind Body & Soul - Special Edition;
5. Kylie Minogue's Greatest Hits 87-97; (almost buyed)
6. (DVD) Kylie Minogue's Ultimate Kylie; (almost buyed)
7. (DVD) Kylie Minogue's On The Go Japan; (almost buyed)
8. (Book) Harry Potter and The Half-Blood Prince (Brazillian Edition);
9. (DVD) Box - Harry Potter: The Philosopher's Stone + The Chamebr Of Secrets + The Priosioner Of Azkaban.

Well, I just can remeber these now. And of course I plan to buy things for people, but Lucas first! After all, that's what's Christmas all about, spending our money (or our dad's) in gifts for ourselves. \o/

(Song: Kylie Festival: Cowbow Style, Say Hey, Too Far, Confide In Me and If I Was Your Lover.)

Dear Santa...

... I know I have been a less than behaved boy this year. My inconstant ups and downs had affected some people around me and hurt others I love, I did not give myself to the studies as much as I could, and should, and for these reasons I will not ask for much.

Here is the thing, Santa, I pierced my nose. And to be utterly honest, I loved it! It played with my image. I feel edgy and bolder, as if my oh so boring classic “sweet look” met this rebel wannabe and their blend worked for me. And sounds kind of foolish, but it did give me a sense of freedom, since I pierced my nose, I can dare to do and accomplish more in my life. It all may sound drama queen-ish and narcissistic, but you know well how I can get down like that sometimes.

Anyway, let us go to my actual wish for this Christmas. See Santa, suddenly, looks like the whole world got affected by an epidemic cheap honesty. Suddenly, people are saying whatever the feel like, whether they are requested or not, not even caring if they will hurt some feelings. I know that because since I pierced my nose, I had these unknown people telling me their opinions about it, especially those I never asked to. This fake sincerity only hurts and feeds egos; I feel I have been controlling mine, by only giving my opinions when they are requested.

But Santa, this letter is not to ask for real and down-to-earth sincerity to human beings. I believe it is not up to me to ask such thing for them, since I only know what is good or bad for me. So Santa, I just wrote this letter to ask you to give me the power of letting go. All I wish for Christmas is to know how to turn off and do not let people’s evil comments affect me and my mood.

Merci beacoup,

Lucas.

(Song: Annie - Vanessa Carlton [not a Christmas song, but it's inspiring].)

The Importance Of Being Fanatic

Once, somebody called fanatic for loving Madonna in a way I rarely see disappointing things on the things she does. Tonight, Madonna performed at Koko in London, in response to the (official) launch of her new album, Confessions On A Dance Floor. And then, this person came to me and told me again I was fanatic for being so excited to be watching the performance live at AOL. She told me she would prefer to wait to download and that I was fanatic for being thrilled about the live gig (note: she's a - supposed - Madge fan). Well, leaving the whole drama about, let's cut to Koko's telecast.

The gig was wonderful. Although her voice wasn't as perfect as in her latest Re-Invention Tour, it was still great! It was a normal gig, like the ones she usually does on her promo-tours. The Brixton Academy show (2001), from Music promotion, had only 4 or 5 songs, if I'm not msitaken, and all the gigs from American Life promo-tour had at max 6 songs. So, back to Koko:

Hung Up was what we've been seeing from TV performances. Same choreography, attitude, etc etc. She sang it perfectly.

Get Together was awfully beautiful and the backup dancers gave a special touch from what we've seen at Star Academy (France) and Parkinson's (UK) performances.

I Love New York was simply perfect!!! The intro speech was marvelous and I just added the "NY State Of Mind" to my vocabulay and behavior. The rock-dance touch given to the instrumental was fucking juicy and Madonna throwing herself up and down, rebelling, jumping, waving and shaking her booty was genious, the same goes to the scream at the "New York is not for little pussies who scream" line. :P

And M-O-T-H-E-R-F-U-C-K-E-R!!! What was Let It Will Be?!?!?! The remix was wonderful, evebn more dancey than the original version and by the middle, when the string arrangements return to the song, it gave me chills and butterflies. Some (dumb) fans claimed she untuned the whole song. Thank G-d I have some modest vocal technique notion, but enough to know she did NOT untune the whole song. If depended on some fans to measure Madonna's vocal skills, she'd be a lousy karaoke singer. Finally, did she untune? Yes, at the beginning, at the second line if I'm not once again mistake, but just as the European Music Awards' performance, it was nothing that doomed the whole thing. Ohhh... she dancing and throwing her hair was dang hot! And walking around with the hand into her pants (close to the panana - view photo above) was edgy and sassy, just like the old and "lovely" Madge we know.

Everybody was adorable. Seeing her performing it after 12 years is delicious (last time at the 1993 Girlie Show Tour). It was revisited, basically the Girlie Show's arrangement with a COADF sonority, however. I cannot rave too much on it since I just watched the very beginning and the ending (AOL died). I loved when she told people to sing while she danced. Of course, everyone faithfully obeyed.

In conclusion, Madonna saved my day. She NEVER lets me down and if it turns me into a fanatic, thank G-d I am! At least I'm happy and have loads of fun!











(Song: the whole Confessions On A Dance Floor by G-d (aka Madonna).)

Untitled

I have no idea how to title this post. But the thing is, I'm in São Paulo and yes, of course, I'm loving it, though I didn't have any sleep since I got here (at 5am of today after a 6-hours sleepless bus trip).

Now I'm chatting with my hubby and telling him how much I love him... lol, I feel stupidly in love! YAAAAY!! \o/

I'm okay, even having to go back to Marilia earlier than the expected, because of Fernanda's prom.

(Song: Undiscovered - Ashlee Simpson)

As Good As It Gets...

Well... if it were raining here, I'd be Don Lockwood, but instead of showmaking, I'de be shaking my ass while any track of Confessions On A Dance Floor would be playing... or Hollaback Girl!! :P

First and foremost, I'm in love again with the one I trully never had let go. And it's amazing. You see, sometimes we mistake care with need. The last one enslaves and maintain us into the unreal, hindering us to evolve with the Universe. The first one in the other hand is sweet, fulfilling and against all prejudices (and previous thoughts of mine) frees us sweetly. It feels so good to care and being cared about someone, and feel that at that very moment. It feels amazing to wake up everyday thinking in making someone happy, and in the end when you realize you're really making someone happy... it's the best feeling. I now just thank him for pushing me to see the other point of view.

I'm going to São Paulo tonight!! This time my sister is going with me and we'll try to adventure ourselves into the stone-jungle that Sampa is..... oh-oh right now, at this exact moment, I realized I'm screwed!! LOL... My sister just told me one of my best friends prom is on Monday, and I was supposed to be back here only next Tuesday!! OMG!! One more drama to be solved until 6pm. LOL!

Well, let's see what happens.

(Song: Wake Up/Your House - Alanis Morissette)

Warm inside...

Last night was AMAZING!!! It was Marilia's birthday and we went out. The last happenings of the week, between me and someone had left kinda low, but yesterday I decided to have fun. And I did!!

We went to this chic bar called Cachaçaria. Since I'm saving to buy the Confessions On A Dance Floor, I didn't spend a penny on booze. But of course I drank from other people's glasses!! I had a lot of fun with the girls, especially with Karla (my glass partner). She's crazy!! We spent the night trashing people. I laughed my ass off! There was this guy (HOOOT!) she said to be the lost Menudo. She's evil!! And I love it!!

Unpleasant moments: 1, Marilia pissed off because Lucas wanted to go home and, 2, Lucas thinking about someone. But Lucas didn't them ruin the night and he had the best fun in a long time.

Thursday: other party!! \o/

(Song: Hung Up - Madonna - The one I wanted to dance all night long.)

I'm Going To Tell You A Secret

To know more, to be more aware of ourselves, to grow and evolve and thus to the power to make a difference. This was the idea that stuck into my mind after finally watching Madonna's new film I'm Going To Tell You A Secret. Yesterday I finished downloading and today I watched all the videos on a row to reassure - not that it was needed - how amazing and beautifully inteligent Madonna is. By witnessing her relationship with dancers, band-members and staff, plus her family and especially with herself, we see how much she grew through all these years.

But the interesting thing is: as a real fan, that pays attention not only to the entertainer-Madonna, but also to the thought-provoking woman that she is since the beginning, it's impossible not to be inspired by this woman's growth. By the end of the movie, you become trully inspired to achieve self-awareness, so we can also be Light and change the world we live in.

I'm Going To Tell You A Secret is a fun and touching movie and is a "must-watch" for every Madonna fan, and I believe a great source of inspiration for everyone. It is a subtle and yet straight wake-up call.



(Song: Imagine - John Lennon)

Getting over...

Felt like I was rewinding my whole life by reintroducing him into the scenary, but in the end I felt better than I thought I would. I won't lie to anyone, much less to myself: some certain feelings still remain.

Yeah, life's a bitch, especially when we bitch it and sabotage ourselves. This time, once again, I'll let things go with the flow, but I'll try not to get lost of the track.

(Song: X-Static Process - Madonna... The MOST perfect song for the moment...)

Simchat Torah

Simchat Torah was PERFECT!! I spent the day walking down the streets on a terribly hot day, feeling the breeze on my face while listening to upbeat and happy music, and avoiding all kinds of drama that I or people would or could bring to myself.

At night ma vache (my mom) decided to hang on the computer till 2am. But in the meantime, since I was decided not to let this amazing Kabbalist holiday, in which we're suppose to have fun and feel happy by dancing, laughing and walking in circles to generate Encircling-Light, pass by inadvertent, I put my Re-Invention Tour DVD, by Madonna (aka G-d), and DANCED!!

There I was at 1am: voguing, shaking, waving, bouncing, spinning, whirling, etc etc!! Music and Holiday were done twice each, and by the time I stopped, my whole body was soak in sweat. After a shower, I logged on the MSN and still avoided all kinds of things that would tear my perfect night down.

And well, I don't know if it's normal to feel this way, but while and after dancing, I felt this incredible energy, filled with happiness and good vibrations. I'm really feeling I'll have a wonderful year. I wish things, of course, but I'm sure I'll be comfortable and centered if things end up not working the way I plan.

I promise myself that this forthcoming year will be very well lived!

*cheers*

Songlist of 2005 Simchat Torah:

00. ESSENTIAL TRACK: HUNG UP - MADONNA
01. Holiday - Madonna
02. Music - Madonna
03. Into The Groove - Madonna
04. Hollaback Girl - Gwen Stefani
05. What You Waiting For? - Gwen Stefani
06. Luxurious - Gwen Stefani
07. The Real Thing - Gwen Stefani
08. Cool - Gwen Stefani
09. Screwed (Alex G Remix) - Paris Hilton :P
10. Rumors - Lindsay Lohan
11. Bucky Done Gun - M.I.A.
12. Gallang - M.I.A.
13. Over To You Now - Britney Spears
14. Chaotic - Britney Spears

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

J.K. Rowling delivered us the saddest book of the series, and the saddest book I've read so far. Of course I won't spoil it by telling what happens, but the 6th Harry Potter gets you hooked since the very beginning (which thankfully has very little of the Muggle part of the history), till the very last word, ripping out from you hurtful tears by the things that happen. Never a book has let me so sad as this one.

J.K. Rowling is a genious.... Can't wait for ther last book!!

PS: Missing the Honduran Salope!!

(Song: Autobiography - Ashlee Simpson)

Stupid Brain!

Sometimes I wish I was those stupid dumbasses who do stupid stuff and don't notice...

Actually, I don't think I did stupid stuff!! This is me and I've been like that since forever!! FUCK IT!!! All I want is vacation!!! Come December!!!!

(Song: Mobile - Avril Lavigne)

Holly Shit!! Not again...

Yesterday was Nathalia's birthday and I spent the whole day with her. She was kinda sick and I was there making her company on a gloomy birthday. I introduced her the album version of Hung Up and some other cool music, such as Britney's Chaotic and Kylie's Fever. We talked about music in general, high hopes on Madonna's upcoming album, art, school, in the end we had a nice time. But I had only one thing in mind while I was with her: to plant my lips on hers. This urge is not new, so I kept my cool.

But it kept me pondering. Because I don't want to feel infatuated again. I don't want the heart-racings, nor the anxiety, much less the anticipation to be around someone. I'm ok with my loneliness and I don't want again be hooked by someone who will not respond my feelings.
.
.
.
.
.
But still, yes, I wanna make out with her!!!

(Song: Ainda Bem - Vanessa da Mata)

Independence

It's weird when you have someone depending on you when your living so well your liberty. No, I did not adopted a child, though sometimes I feel as though I did.

I know sometimes people link their needs to others (wether people or things). I don't believe it's a right way to live, so I don't do it, but not everybody has such consciousness. The thing is, sometimes I get impatient when I'm the one who receives all the stream of necessities.

If you're not feeling ok with yourself, you cannot expect people to fulfuill you. Besides, it's not a healthy thing to tranfer to people your needs, especially because one, they have no obligation to assist you, and two, you'll never feel satisfied anyway.

So, independence is the way to go!! Improve your life with your own tools!

By the way, this week we're supposed to feel happy!! To be ourselves and have fun in the world!! Be cool, goofy, dance around and listen to our favorite tunes!! \o/ So, I'm ALL about HUNG UP!!!! Madonna's new track is absolutelly perfect for let go and have fun!!

(Music: MADONNA - HUNG UP!!!!!... also, Kylie - Body Language.)

The Constant Gardener

Well, I just came here to express how much I loved this film. With outstanding acting performances by Ralph Fiennes and luminous Rachel Weisz, thrilling cinematography, great script and genious directing, my Brazillian fellow Fernando Meirelles made the best film of the season so far.
All those excruciating minutes enduring a bunch of annoying 11-year-old girls with change truouble on the tickets-line were worth it.

(Song: Breakway - Kelly Clarkson)

São Paulo Days...

Since I stayed most of the week in the great city without posting, I'll try to sum these amazing days in a brief journal.

October's 8th, Saturday

I was supposed to arrive at my dad's at 6am, but I arrived an hour earlier. And since I'm a good and nice nerd, I came straight to the computer to... to... it doesn't really matter cuz I Lucas without a computer is useless Lucas. Anyways, after surfing on Madonna's message board, of course, and waiting for Flavia, who delayed to come, I went to bed, cuz even after a huge cup of coffee during the trip, I still needed to sleep. (By the way, I love my dad and loved to see him again...)
I woke at 11am and took a shower and me and my dad went to the mall. São Paulo is this cosmopolitan multi-cultural metropolis, where we can find all sort of things to do, since shopping in amazing and fancy stores to making out with unknown at Ibirapuera's Park (no I didn't do that). But still, the best place to go (at least for me) is the mall. We went to this one closer to our home, which I love, called Villa-Lobos. There I had a Big Mac with french-fries and milk-shake as lunch (my favorite McDonald's meal!) and realized I was bored of it... lol. AND OH DEAR!! São Paulo's men are the hottest ever!!

October's 9th, Sunday

We went to Villa-Lobos again. I bought British edition of Harry Potter and The Half-Blood Prince (reading and loving it). After spending hours in Cultura Bookstore, seeing books and cds, we went to the cinema, where we were supposed to watch Bewitched. But since my dad didn't like it that much and I wasn't so excited to see it anymore, we decided to watch The 40 Year Old Virgin. *turn Janice voice on* OH MY G-----D!!! It was simply the BEST comedy I've watched in years!! I didn't stop laughing from 1st minute till the genious 1979's musical Hair parody final sequence. The film is more than a dumb American comedy like Scary Movie and Not Another Teen Movie. It has substantial and clever jokes, and sex is just the tip of the iceberg of a plot that can be a very good and funny essay about growing up and being mature.
Ohh!! I had real disappointments on people I admired, after a ill-intentioned and stupid thread on Madonna's forum. But thankfully I was really over a ghost that had been haunting me the last few days. And this day had a reassuring mood after some good revelations and open-ups. I LOVE LIFE!!

October's 10th, Monday

I've no idea what happened this day! lol

October's 11th, Tuesday

I debuted my new blog where I'll right reviews for my favorite cds.
CD Bitch (and Jose you bitch, you better read my reviews! I promoted you to my fucking editor!)

October's 12th, Wednesday

I was mad, cuz my stupid Bunny gnawed a bit of my precious book (I just sounded like Gollum! U_U)!! I deserted him for life! (Nah, I still love him! :P) But...
HOLIDAY!! CELEBRATE!! It was Children's Day here and we went to this place called Radio Atual. It was a Northern stronghold, where I ate one of my favorite Brazillian cuisine's dish: Sarapatel. Don't even ask me to describe it. It was delicious, but the heat was killing me. Not only São Paulo's men are hot, its climate is horribly hot!! I was almost fainting. So what do you when you're really hot? You refresh yourself in a fresh place with air conditioner. Where to find such place on a holiday? THE MALL!! And of course, we went to Villa-Lobos again.
We spent severeal hours again stuck in Cultura Bookstore until we decided to go to the movies. And we tried to see something else, but we couldn't resist to review The 40 Year Virgin. The second time is even better than the first!! (yes, I just made a sex joke, and you better laugh at it! ;) ).
The day was also amazing, because I had a friend opening her chest to me. I love her to death, and no matter what she does I'll still love her.
Ahhhh!! I purchased Kylie Minogue's 2002 album, Fever!! It's supposed to be on my hands tomorrow (Saturday).

October's 13th, Thursday

All these days, I was supposed to meet a friend from Madonna's Forum. Rafael, my doable friend, as me and Jose call him, is a very sweet guy who would take me to my very 1st experience on a gay club. Well, I chicken-shitted and my dad helped not to go at all, cuz he didn't let me get a bus at night, since our neighboorhood isn't exactly "Wisteria Lane" under the darkness.
At daylight I was supposed to go to Paulista Avenue, but then I got lazy and just went to the nearest supermarket to do some shopping. I bought 3 amazing cds, Kylie's last year's geniousness Body Language, Alanis' last year's fiasco So-Called Chaos and her current-year piece of art Jagged Little Pill Acoustic. You can read my reviews for them at my CD Bitch blog.
OMG!! THE LEAK OF HUNG UP!!!!

October's 14th, Friday ("TODAY")

Well I was also to go to Paulista Avenue, but Hung Up didn't let me leave home. It has been FUCKING hot in here the whole day and I almost killed myself due to it (*drama queen mode on*)!!
At night, me and my dad went to a Jazz concert at, where?, Villa-Lobos Mall (it's already my second home in São Paulo)!! OMG!! This concert worthed my whole week in here. Jazz is the purest and best kind of music in the world. When you attend to a Jazz concert, you'd feel like the instruments have lives of their own, if their players weren't so cool and fun to watch. I really cannot understand how someone can call Jazz as a bore. It's the same of calling music a bore!! I also bought Kelly Clarkson's Breakaway and I'm still amazed by it! Kelly is an AMAZING performer and she's definitelly came to stay and have a long career!! Since U Been Gone is an anthem!!
PS: I indeed called my "date" with my doeable friend off. Well, I hope we can do that next time I come to this "paradise".

Well, this is it for now! Tomorrow I'll do my good-bye visit to Villa-Lobos, since it's my last full day here and we'll watch the anticipated (by me at least) movie: The Constant Gardner. And of course, my Fever album will arrive!!! \o/

TIME GOES BY SO (fucking) SLOWLY!!

Holly shit!! Madonna's upcomming single, Hung Up, leaked and I can't stop listening to it!! It's AMAZING!! And it'll be a delicious smash hit!! For those idiots who said she was old and rotten!!

The song is to be released on October's 17th, Monday, and Warner are threatening who spread the song via email, blog, forums or whataver. Ok, I won't put a download link here, but I won't stop listening to it until... until... who knows!! The track is damn good!!

São Paulo

Every time I come to this town I feel uplifted and alive. This time isn't different. A week before I was already counting down the hours and now here I am. I feel like I'll have a marvelous week!

(Song: Dia Especial - Shakira)