Bitchy Talk

When I set the ho to be the third interview I wished to do a happy birthday post to me by having him on my month. But then he disappeared due to [he says] school [but I’m sure he got drunk and neglected me] and I got sick and depressed… water under the bridge. Hence the Bitchy Talk had this hiatus filled with a feeling that the ho had to be my third guest, even if my birthday month is now – as he said - ages ago.

José Roberto Solís Mayén is one of the most fascinating human beings that I’ve ever had the luck to meet. It’s true that we never actually met, but I never felt that was entirely paramount for me to know that in him lies one of my role models. For that matter, when it dawned on me that I no longer had excuses for procrastinating his interview, I dried up. He knows everything about me and I know everything he tells me, and sometimes others I just catch on the gazillion kilometers of space between us; because of that I didn’t know exactly what to ask without sounding rambling. Until I asked Marce for some tips of what I could ask him, I realized this was not an interview for ME, but for whoever happened to read it. In my biased-but-honest opinion, the more people know about him the better the world will be.

We started calling ourselves “ho” after the genius Gwen Stefani line “take a chance you stupid ho”. “What You Waiting For” is a song that deals with inner strength and the struggle to connect with it; but it doesn’t deal with it in the corny Mariah Carey way, but with a feature that is very strong in us: self-deprecation. The ability of laughing at ourselves at the most adverse circumstances is something that should be experienced by everyone; when I realized [by having him calling me “ho”] he had the self-depreciation attached to a charming and adorable wit I knew he was to be the best of my friends.

In here you’ll find not nostalgic blablabla about the way we were [yes, we’re that old], but only a portion of how genius the ho, aka Jose, is. Enjoy.

[kks = ]
[Ms Walters = Lucas]

)( Lucas Potter Jones )( One Day It'll Happen: tell us what you are listening to.

a better version of myself [ho]: I'm listening to Love Profusion by G-d. Actually my Ipod's on Madonna shuffle.

LPJ: tell us about your relationship with LP.

ho: well, you know I never listen to full albums right?
LPJ: yup, you’re a sinner.

ho: and American Life was no exception; but I remember clearly during Easter 04, I took my CD to a the beach and fell asleep listening to it and I woke up to LP and I fell in love with it; it became my second fave song in the album, then I saw the video and had multiple orgasms. It was also my top song of that year.

LPJ: I remember that. And what's not hot about Madonna in flowery dress and beautiful CGI landscapes?

ho: the fact that it's the same as the Estée Lauder perfume ad. That was both one of her laziest, yet still breathtaking moments.

LPJ: lol, you tore my dreams on LP's video.

ho: robots don't dream.

LPJ: I must say I’m nervous myself.

ho: how come? Am I allowed to ask stuff? Lol

LPJ: yes you are… because I’m afraid this will become a trip to our memory lane [even if I never remember the way to mine]. At some point we'll be remembered our early days like old hags.

ho: uh oh. So you'll realize we're older than we look, and dumber than we seem.

LPJ: but I'll try to be professional.

ho: ok do so Barb.

LPJ: ’cept for the fact I’ll do you by the end of interview.

ho: u.u I don’t sleep with my interviewer. After Larry King gave me crabs I promised myself I’d never do that again.

LPJ: there's beladonna in the drink I gave you...

ho: stop the kking Ms Walters.

LPJ: … anyways. Was Madonna somehow a turning point in your life?

ho: actually I don't remember a life before her. And that's not as pathetic as it sounds. What I mean is, I grew up in a house where my mom's trademark album was the immaculate collection. when I have flashbacks of that era, the soundtrack is usually Material Girl or Papa Don't Preach. So in a way, I never found Madonna, she found me.

LPJ: But is there a moment in your life that she and her art were like paramount in some decision or such?

ho: well, you know I'm a very art driven person, but to this day I've yet to find something that has such an effect on me to turn my world around.

LPJ: everyone's aware of your other, I should probably say main passion: cinema.

ho: *nods*

LPJ: do you think Madonna and cinema will ever work?

ho: I think for me they have, just maybe not in the way people expect it. When I saw Evita for the first time I was dazzled, but for example the other day a friend was trashing Madge while we listened to Mazzy Star and I revealed to him that if it hadn’t been for Swept Away I’d probably have no idea who Mazzy Star were. She may not be such a good actress, but the way she's able to pull the strings behind the camera and infuse everything with all her knowledge still has an impact in the way people should see her films. And she's also a top showwoman. I’d take a hundred confession tours in a row before having to see another Hilary-Swank-as-a-man movie.

LPJ: hello, me too! Let’s form a club.

ho: we have one. The putinhas something club.

LPJ: which movie, when you think of the first movie you ever saw, comes instantly to your mind?

ho: hmmm, tough one. I have a very vivid memory of going to the theater with my grandma and great-uncle to watch Disney's Treasure Island, but I saw Bambi a gazillion times at home; and I’ve asked my dad and he tells me the first movie he took me to see was a Spanish cartoon and that I wouldn’t stop singing the songs for months after it.

LPJ: lol, which happens to be?

ho: I can never remember the name.

LPJ: your blog's name is one of my favorite things in life. *blushes*

ho: awww I never knew that before.

LPJ: resume in few words the power of pop culture in your life.

ho: well, it's like a drug to me. I can't imagine life without pop culture, yet sometimes I feel there are greater things in life that should interest me most, then again, as I like to say, everything's connected: pop culture has led me to paths that have changed who I am and what I think.

LPJ: same here. Especially because pop culture unashamedly [thank G-d] sucks from every other culture.

ho: yeah I know! But some people are too blind to realize that.

LPJ: was there ever a time that irked u? People being blind for things u like?

ho: not really, you know I have this weird thing: I want people to realize that the things I like are good, but when everyone likes what I like, it's like a turn off, I enjoy having things that I feel are entirely mine. Say Moulin Rouge! for example, I adore it to death, but when I listen to certain people saying it's their fave movie and knowing the kinds of things these people like and their complete ignorance of everything the film draws from, makes me feel like it's unworthy of my snob love towards it. lol

LPJ: lol we're ego sluts. Talking bout Moulin Rouge!,tell us the feelings you had during your very first screening.

ho: I went to the Honduran premiere.

LPJ: oh gawd there was no such thing in crappy Brasil.

ho: and I knew the songs by heart, cause I had the soundtrack months before, and to me in a way it was like the images had to live up to the sounds I’d heard. And boy did they do! To date, my first screening of Moulin Rouge! was the most electrifying experience I’ve had in a theater!

LPJ: did you cry at any moment?

ho: you know I never cry, but my eyes were watery from the moment it began, at first from excitement and then with utter sadness. But mostly I had a silly smile all through it.

LPJ: what about the corny-but-surprisingly-beautiful heart-shaped fireworks in I Will Always Love You in the Elephant Love Medley? How did you feel about it?

ho: I’m still waiting for them to appear whenever I kiss someone I’m madly in love with. hehehe

LPJ: that’s the cutest answer I always had to that question.

ho: *blushes*

LPJ: those fireworks were the moment I started to cry and you know I’m a whimper. Hosie, name three people that you think have influenced you deeply throughout your life.

ho: in what way?

LPJ: in any way.

ho: I’ll go with my dad, his mom and Madge.

LPJ: tell us about all of them dumbass.

ho: ok, you see my dad is the smartest guy I know. From an early age he taught me about books, films, music (I owe my love of Bossa to him). But I think his major influence on me has been his selfless ability to let me make my own choices; when I fuck up, he’s there to back me up though. My grandma taught me about the finer things in life. She introduced me to Fellini, caviar and champagne. And Madge, well she's like oxygen to me; she opened my eyes to Kabbalah and political consciousness in a way. I kinda feel guilty now for not saying my mom lol. But well, my mom's implicit with Madge I guess.

LPJ: lol, we and our mom troubles. Let’s leave them outta here; you can cry, I cannot.

ho: we both know you will, I won’t. lol

LPJ: … shut up!

ho: u.u

LPJ: what do you most hate about people?

ho: ignorance, and I don’t mean poor people who don’t go to school, but people who have the chance and still have such narrow visions as not to want and explore everything the world offers to them. I hate people that never try new things, I also hate people who talk in the movies. lol

LPJ: yaaaaaaaay, you’re me!

ho: I am. lol

LPJ: I also hate people who eat popcorn in theatres, they’re always too loud.

ho: then you hate me. I’m obsessed with candy corn. lol

LPJ: ew. That’s why you’re fat. u.u

ho: but just on blockbusters and chick flicks. I’m not fat. u.u

LPJ: I know you’re anorexic like me now. What do u most love about people?

ho: I love their ability to surprise me on any level. If it’s my family, I love when I learn old stories that are new to me. With my friends I love their ability to give me hope when everything looks so bad. And with artists I love their way of pushing boundaries and showing me more can be done and more should be done. I also love when people smile at me, a stranger's smile injects me with fuzzy energy every time.

LPJ: lol you slut.

ho: lol I don’t mean it in a sexual way, since I’m counting girls as well.

LPJ: slut anyway.

ho: I know but shhh…

LPJ: before we started we hurried to get a Kylie wallpaper. What’s the importance of Miss Minogue in your life?

ho: simply put, nobody puts a smile on my face like Kylie.

LPJ: I’m aware you have OCD. Is there some kind of secret in your life?

ho: my OCD is mostly gone.

LPJ: ohh tell me about it.

ho: I still have my little quirks, like cleaning my house like a madman.

LPJ: Bree.

ho: but what kind of secret do you mean?

LPJ: like something in your life u never reveal to anyone.

ho: if you're expecting a The Crying Game twist, I’m sorry to disappoint you, not really. I haven’t killed anyone, I haven’t fathered children in foreign countries and I wasn’t involved in Watergate. So I guess no secrets here. That doesn’t mean everyone knows me though, I’m a very private person.

LPJ: ahh-ha! I just found out your as old as the Watergate.

ho: reincarnation sweetheart.

LPJ: where do you think you want to live your whole life?

ho: I don’t really care about the place, as long as I’m with somebody I love (if it happens in NYC or Florence even better hehehe), but u know I thought life here would be hell for example, and now when I’m not here I miss the people and the places.

LPJ: it’s more about how we feel about ourselves than what the place has to offer. Do you agree?

ho: totally. Like I say, if I’m with good company I can enjoy hell.

LPJ: is there anything you think you could never learn?

ho: the forgetting part in forgive and forget. Also to ride a bike or a skateboard, I’m waaaaay too old to learn that now.

LPJ: I’ll teach you.

ho: u.u like Phoebe.

LPJ: well hosie, I’m afraid were close to a wrap.

ho: u.u I never cried.

LPJ: well I deeply never expected you to… But before it, choose an image that you think that describes you like no other.

ho: tough one [what happened during the ho's deliberative break]
Remember that part where Holly Golightly is looking into Tiffany's?

LPJ: I do

ho: that's me, I'm Holly Golightly looking into what I consider heaven, without getting the chance to ever make it mine. You see, like Holly all of my life I’ve dreamt of an absolutely perfect place where I’m going to be happy. But this place is so flawless in my dreams, that probably I’m scared of finding it and being disappointed; so like holly, I move in life avoiding emotional attachments because they make me vulnerable. But deep inside I’m dying to have someone kiss me under the rain, tell me everything will be ok and finally giving the cat a name.

LPJ: I don’t have to say that that’s beautifully heartbreaking.

ho: u.u don’t cry Barb!

More on the ho.
More Bitchy Talk.