Admiration

While I still try to place my head around Ledger's death I hear things from a friend that made me shrug and blush. He said I was someone he learned to admire a lot; that my behaviour and actions somehow became lessons even if I didn't notice.

There's a silly bug inside me that always looked for people's attention and admiration. Despite my eloquent tone and sometimes outrageous manners and thoughts, I have a little shyness hidden the many layers of my being. These layers, mostly carved and constructed during the most recent years of my life are results of a willingness of going deeper and deeper in what I am and what I stand for. I guess that the moment I stopped trying to show who I am and what I'm capable of and simply did my thing, people probably to see these things and start finally admiring me.

This deliberate self-indulgent talk is also the sel-recognition that I have good to give and share. On the posts below I mention the million possibilities dead with Heath, and I suddenly remember a Virginia Woolf line in The Hours; when questioned by her husband why would someone had to die, she with her deep and hoarse voice replies: "Someone has to die in order that the rest of us should value life more. It's contrast."

All my layers, all my principles, all my thoughts and actions, aren't [most of the time] loosed in the wind as I learn that thoughtfulness is the best path to serenity. That I am admired by others makes me fuzzy and perky I cannot deny; but what makes myself mostly fulfilled is that I'm myself's most admire, and no one can take that I away from me.

[Song: Liz On The Top Of The World - Dario Marianelli]