Je vous présente...

... Monsier Alexander Dantas (aka M. DeLarge).

Il est en partie français en partie russe en partie brésilien et un poète. Il aime soi-même violence particulièrement quand l'amour est à l'intérieur. Sa poèmes sont agressifs mais principalement sarcastiques si vous regardez soigneusement. Il déteste l'amour et sentimentalisme mais il ne peut pas éviter d'écrire submergé dans tels sentiments. Il hait aussi les français mais aime leur langue, parce qu'il est toujours en ecrivant et en parlant le français. Mais je sais que il va me tuer pour vous dire son secret. Alexander adore aussi le Nadsat, son argot.

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Alanis once talked about the falacy of writing only when depression mode is on. Well, I agree with her, but I'm sure that the best poems are produced when that mode is on. Here I am trying to get over someone but in the meantime I've been writing these cool pieces of verses and stanzas. Actually not me, my alter-ego M. Alexander Dantas.

He's so cool that I don't feel like healing anymore!!! lol... Just kidding guys! For those who didn't understand a shit about the M. DeLarge's introduction, I'll translate it to English... someday.

For now, I'll post one of his poems, Letting Go Crap:

What is this fear of letting go?
What is this hesitation?
I feel ashamed to admit that
I still feel the same
So, when will I jump
And face the unknown
Embrace the untold
And kiss the unfolded
My sisters and me have said
We'd be able to deal with everything
I guess we never counted heartbreak
Here I go once again
Drama-queening once again
That's my job
That's my life
Yuck… I gotta move the line
Adios amigo…

[Song: Spinning Around - Miss Kylie "G-d" Minogue.... KylieFever Tour version, with genius A Clockwork Orange feeling.]

For Marcela

http://www.4shared.com/file/1800450/1bb2ea67/
erotica_you_thrill_me__confessions_tour_studio_version_.html

Here's the link to dld Erotica's remix dear. I cut it in two so it wouldn't spoil the layout of the blog, but copy the parts and past them all in one line on a browser and then scroll down, dld it and have fun! \o/ Be prepared to become an additced! ^^

This post is for lovely Marcela ok, if you all the rest wanna know about my lame life read bellow.

Where Does The Good Go?

Uhg, why's it so hard to let go? I mean, probably it's not a bit hard but we're all so drenched in our dramas that we amplify the shit making it too important to be let go. It's even worst when you know you must let go and you prefer not to, and spill out that famous and stupid line: "I don't know how".

Last night I had a dream and today I woke up thinking about HIM, worst: daydreaming. And there goes my heartbeat racing, my brain trying to figure out a way of stop feeling that way. I'm sorry, but I can't help hoping he'll SMS me saying things didn't work out with that other dude and that he's willing to try me. You know, I have no pride and am so ego-free...

Perhaps, however, if I stop trying to figure out a way of quitting such ideas and letting them be, one day I'll wake up and notice that I didn't have any of them in the previous day.

Soooooooooooooooo... changing the subjet to a more pleasant mood: OHHHHHHHH MYYYYYYYYYY G------------------D!!!!! It feels so good to be hung up on something you usually love but in a different and reinvented way!!! Madonna's tour is out right? And one of the things that were exciting me the most was the new version of Erotica as I posted the other day. I finally got the studio version of the remix. OMG it's genius!! Jose and I listened to it all day long yesterday and every Madge fan that was on my MSN list was doing it too. Except this stupid bump that insisted she lip-synched it on the tour so I had to block him ok! u.u

I'm still addicted to it but I finally let it go for a while. lol

[Song: Don't Hang Up - Britney Spears... phoned-sex! uhhh luv it! hehehe]

She Thrills Me

First of all I'm ok!!!

All the drama of being dumped still remains but in a less proportion than days before. I just gotta let ok... just let go bitch!!

So, the thing that makes me come here to post is the delicious performance of Madonna's Erotica on her Confessions Tour.

*turns janice voice on*

OHHHHHHHH MYYYYYYYYYY G--------------------------D!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Who ever thought that the mysteriously haunting Erotica would turn into a fun, luminous and bright song? Its live disco version is beyond amazing, along with the sassy and cute routine plus the fact that it's totally LIVE!! (Who watched the Girlie Show knows why it's so thrilling.) Besides, instead of singing the originally released lyrics, it goes with the demo version's, You Thrill Me.

If you wanna see it, go here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wRTSJ5bKogE

It's only 2 minutes, but the smile she gives to the camera in the begining makes you melt and wanting to see it again, again, again and again. ^^

MADONNA ROCKS MY WORLD!!

[Song: EROTICA - MADONNA... duuuuuh!!]

PS: Mr Anonymous, I love the fact that I have a stalker now. Makes my ego feel special ok. But I'm more curious than egocentric (uhg... this was egocentric... lol), so tell me who you are motherfucker!!!! A tip at least s'il vous plaît!!!!!!!!!!!!! ^^

The Closure

Well, after the big drama from the last 3 weeks I finally had the closure I was anticipating.

It was simple...

It was harsh...

It was refreshing...

Lucas now really feels he has to move on... and the faster the better. Even though boyish smiles insist to creep in.

Slutty comment of the morning: *imitates Norma Desmond* Uhg, where will I ever find such perfect dick?!

[Song: Say Hey - Kylie Minogue]

I don't feel like posting...

... so why do I post?

Maybe because I just need to let it written, to myself at least, that moving on is the best key. Closure won't happen if you don't open your heart carefully and try to see things without your pain and the drama created after that.

To be unsensitive is not the way to go, but to cease the drama is a duty.

Just call him and show the cards...

When?

I don't know, some time this week...

PS: At least I have Madonna to cheer me up. Confessions Tour kicked off and after seeing pictures and bootleg videos I already forgave her for not touring on South America.

[Song: Live To Tell - G-d]

Drunk

One moment you walk into my life, and now you're saying that we're through.

Maybe this is the drama-queenest line to begin a post with, but try to mix wine with heartache and you'll end up like moi. The bad part is that if you stop to analyze there was neevr something to be broken. Everything was so fresh and new and I (again) started to build myself on projections and suppositions from my long-time drunk mind. And the even worst part is that actually nothing is over. Nobody officially has dumped me or led me on. I'm still lost in limbo and that's all my fault.

I hate to write it, because I hate to addmit that I'm heartobroken over something that never really happened and still I insist to feel this way until I have a closure. But what the fuck is a closure? What if I had closure and preferred to carry on with this feeling that's slowing me? Well, I guess I'll be this way until I hear a word from him, who doesn't sound to be caring so much. Uhg, how do you miss someone you just met three times in your life?

[Song: Put Yourself In My Place - Kylie Minogue]

Just My Luck

The other day I had to fix Jose's blog, but I had the greatest fun while reading the latest post with this iPod game. Well, I may not be as fancy as that bitch I love but I decided to do the same game with my mp3 player and here are the results:

1. How does the world see you?

"One More Time" by Daft Punk

Ohh… a real surprise!........ Actually not that much, I’ve already heard from people I’m all upbeat and ready to “celebrate”. Maybe I really am, even through my dark times.

2. Will I have a happy life?

UHG!! My mp3 player just died!!!!!!!! Can you believe that? I’m doomed! OMG!! It must mean……………… Jesus! I mean… LOL!!! Spooky!! Well… lemme restart it.

2nd attempt: “Only One Too” by Jewel

Yaaay!! It means I’ll spend my life chasing after boys who don’t want me!! AWESOME!! \o/ My mp3 player dies and then this!
But seeing from another point of view: this song is from Jewel’s newest album, Goodbye Alice In Wonderland, which I firstly rejected badly and now I love it, and this is one of my favorite songs. I love the power of renewal.

3. What do my friends think of me?

“Angels” by Robbie Williams

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww… I mean, I NEVER listen to this song and today out of nowhere I decided to add it on the thing. That’s really sweet.

4. Do people secretly lust after me?

“Time Will Pass You By” by Kylie Minogue

OMG!! Look at this:

"Life is just a precious minute baby
Open up your eyes and see it baby
Give yourself a better chance
Because time will pass you
Right on by (right on by)"

Yeah Jaú Boy!! You better hurry up ‘cause I’m not hoping to be thinking about you all my life! LOL! Okay, that was corny, but I LOVE this song!

5. How can I make myself happy?

“Maneater” by Nelly Furtado

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES!!!! That’s why I’m always telling people life is much better and funnier when we are careless SLUTS!! My new motto:

"Come on everybody whatchu here for?
Move your body around like a nympho”

7. Will I ever have children?

Boo hoo… it died again!! Prolly means I won’t …… Well, lemme do it again.

2nd attempt: “So Nice (Summer Samba)” by Bebel Gilberto

Errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrm… okay! Well, this song was in the soundtrack from an old Brazilian soap opera. In the end of EVERY Brazilian soap opera there’s always a kid popping out a woman, it probably means I will have them then.

8. What is some good advice for me?

“Don’t Stop (Funkin’ For Jamaica)” by Mariah Carey featuring Mystical

??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

“There ain't nothing you can do with the man
Except for shake yo ass and clap yo hands”

Maybe that’s my advice…………………… u.u

9. How will I be remembered?

“Sorry (Pet Shop Boys Remix)” by Madonna

Ohh… first time in my life that this song doesn’t sound good to me.
Boo… who cares? I’ll live my life and dance to it cos the beat is genius! \o/

10. What's my signature dance song?

“Tous Les Garçons Et Les Filles” by Françoise Hardy

I LOVE this song! But wasn’t honestly expecting it to be my dance song. Well, the weird part is that a slow song also came to Jose. Awww… we’re twins hosinho!

11. What's my current theme song?

“Hung Up” by Madonna

YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH BITCH!!! So fucking true!! And I’m so fucking dancing right noooow… brb……………………
Well, back from my performance to the walls of my bedroom. Well people, time does go by SO slowly for those who wait. Through the last 2 weeks, I’ve waited the phone to ring, I’ve waited it to be picked up, I’ve waited the days to fly by………… damn, get over Lucas!

12. What do others think my current theme song is?

“My Innocence” by Lindsay Lohan

“I was born a fighter
I was born on a rainy day
I've had my share of pain”

Hmm… kind of unexpected. Maybe people think I’m that celebration guy from the first question but deep down inside I hide some kind of disappointment. Yeah, maybe on the Academy for giving Crash the Oscar, or even Brokeback Mountain not being as marvelous as everybody pictured it! Lol…kidding, just drama-queening… but whatever then.

13. What shall they play at my funeral?

“Low” by Kelly Clarkson

Ewww! I love the song and I love Clarkson, but I don’t want this song to be played at my funeral!! Maybe in a parallel universe fate selected “Into The Groove” or “Holiday” instead of it.

14. What type of men do I like?

“Koocachoo” by Kylie Minogue

YEEEEEEEEEES!! So true!!

“Even at night when I'm sleeping
You are all I'm ever dreaming of”

Well, that’s exactly what’s going on lately… u.u

"Do we hate romance? Yeaaaahhh.........

Can we live without it? Nooooooooo........."

\o/

Before I start my periodic whining I learned last week that I have another reader. Hehehehe... Marcela is friend of my Hosinho and she finally commented on the last post. Yaaaaay! I already love her, even not knowing her! ^^ Thanks Marcela, you rock! I hope you'll warm my blog's cold nights when that evil ho go back to San Jose and desert me.

Anyways, today I watched How To Steal A Million (1966); don't need to say how marvelous my dear Audrey was with her Givenchy suits and charming acting. And Peter O'Tootle with his charming and dangerously mesmerizing blue eyes just took my breath away during 123 minutes. But the meaning of this Classic movie raving is that I never get tired of how they are able to conquer and make us melt with its romantic plots and beautiful locations. I mean, how can you resist Audrey Hepburn tucked in a museum brooms' cupboard?

While eveything is just too flat and cliché, those filmmakers absolutely knew how to make us believe in the powers of romance and casuality. When it's over you end up wishing an art burglar in your household as well, instead of cold and distant replies on a phone call you waited a whole week to make!! u.u

Last night I called this guy I'm into and guess what... I think I'll have to propose myself to get over, again, from something that never actually started... except of course in my romantic alcoholic drunk mind that was already daydreaming situations and *shrugs* making plans.

So, by knowing that I had just watched a Hepburn romantic comedy and now I'm listening to the brokenhearted-drama queen combo, Kylie Minogue's Put Yourself In My Place + Dangerous Game, you can figure how's my actual mood.

Well kiddos... that's all for now... au revoir...

[Song(s): The Brokenhearted/Drama Queen Combo]

Mistakes I'm allowed to make...

1 - Be wrong;

2 - To fall in love with known strangers;

3 - To be desperately wanting to call, SMS, email, scrap or what-the-fuck-ever modern technology allows me to do;

4 - To control myself for the sake of self-protection or any other name used to disguise ego;

5 - To feel like investing when the stakes seem high and the possibility to lose is dang real;

6 - To daydream...........................................

But you know, I'm not gonna let myself be broken. The best way of fixing previous holes is living today and filling the present baskets with Light. I'm done with my ego ways! If people want to lose their passwords to happiness due to so-called self-protection that's their call. I prefer to do it differently, doesn't matter if it'll make me vulnerable... after all, who's not vulnerable?

That's why I'll try until I know and feel I've done my best. I don't want and won't be a quitter.

[Song: Satellite - Jewel]

[Quit Session: The Pope can't fix my broken heart/ Rock 'n' Roll can't fix my broken heart/ Valium can't fix my broken heart/ Miss Cleo can'tfix my broken heart/ But will you............/ Fix my broken heart/ Will you fix my broken heart/ And I'm gonna give you/ Satellite/ Satellite tonight!!]

It's a question of obession! Isn't it?

It's just start and it already sucks!!!!

First, I'm sick!! I got a cold.

Second, who was supposed to call didn't call. So, I called, right? After all a 6 days is enough to show you care but not that much... or that you're not obsessed. He's back in his town, that's okay. But since he's not gonna read this blog I don't need to pretend I'm not pissed about it. I even bought a thong!!!! hehehehehehe... kidding.

But taking from that, am I getting obsessed? Well, maybe I'm falling in love (which I still don't believe I am) or maybe I'm just letting things go. Truth to be told, I'm being careful and I like it. I no longer feel like a stupid teenager running about like a drunken fly. I'm absolutely not the stupid moth drowned to the light, only to find death when I touch it, and I really feel that ego is the pet now (uh Kabbalah + Therapy do work!!).

So when do I know I'm really falling?

Well... I guess I'll know when it happens, rite?

[Song: I Don't Need Anyone Kylie Minogue]

Go-Go Kylie!!

Kylie Minogue proved herself one of the greatest show-women of our times (mine at least) in 1998 with her Intimate and Live tour. In a two-hour concert that felt like a small live gig, Kylie sang amazingly (for those who say she can't sing), danced freely and crazilly (for those who only know the stiff moves from the Fever Era) and dazed the crowed with her charisma and charms.

But now, leaving the journalist affection behind, just let me say: WHAT A WOMAN!!! As I watched the DVD I could not be more stunned by her stage control in a show with a simple and intimate concept. Here there were not big screen projections, mesmerizing wardrobe or hot dancers. All the attention was focused on Kylie and her band, except in Dancing Queen, when the scary/queeny combo of dancers showed up for the first time with their hot pink peacock suits.

Since I&L was the tour for the Impossible Princess album, this show contains some of my favorite songs by Kylie. She starts off with self-deprecating Too Far. The song has an ironically organized stream-of-consciousness mood, filled with delusional thoughts and ravings. This set is visually simple (Minogue's wearing a neutral black wardrobe) but musically charming. Right after "Too Far" we meet a genius rock version of disco-anthem What Do I Have To Do? and my big-time favorite Some Kind Of Bliss. The set ends with the beautiful and haunting ballad Take Me With You, with its delicious percussions and addictive chorus, besides of being one of Kylie's best compositions.

Then I Should Be So Lucky is showed with a charming sepia cinematography that it kinds of shake away the fact that the song became dang boring with the new arrangement (piano+vocals). Then comes the queer dancers and "Dancing Queen". Dude, I'm definitely pro-gay, duuh I'm one of them myself and here I am raving on Kylie Minogue's work! But those guys were scary! The moves, the faces, the feathers... kind of disturbing, especially because for the first time audience's attention is taken from Kylie. But by the middle of the performance, all of that gets a jocose meaning, and their glances and stares become funny. Then we have my beloved Dangerous Game (dancers-less) pretty and simple, but I could not forget to comment.

Next set is initialized with genius Cowboy Style. Here again we meet the dancers stuck on weird and striptease-esque galoshes. This is the moment we note the Go-Go dancing mood of the show's choreography. "Cowboy Style" is followed by Step Back In Time which should be hailed as a masterpiece after the arrangement and dance-routine it got. Mixing Saturday Night Fever's 70's moves with the go-go knack this is the single moment the dancers become more easy to the eyes than spooky gay.

Free is a previously unreleased track and another Minogue jem, proof of her geniusness. The friendly synthesizer's chords starts off as she croons "It's night time/We're driving". Then, the music and the lyrics become bigger and bigger, faster and faster, as if a zoom-in is being given into her mind, until reaches the climax, with Kylie screaming my new motto "This is the feeling I want for always/Free".

Right after it, never giving us the time to recuperate from an extravaganza to another, she drops us Drunk. Another stream-of-consciousness track, she goes about being drunk on love with someone. But the best of it is the fact that the melody and the lyrics really transmits the idea of drunkenness. That raises Minogue as one of the most underrated songwriters of Pop Music. That theory is once again proved when later on she performs Limbo. How to describe "Limbo"? Especially this live version... Okay, firstly, the dancers are back here, but they're really invisible when we have a perky and saltatory Kylie waving and shaking her hair extensions combined with an attractive dark man beating his drum in one of the most involving percussion sets ever heard!!

After it the only worth mentioning performances are The Clash's Should I Stay Or Should I Go? when once again Kylie throws her hair and body, runs through the stage like in a marathon and still sings perfectly, leaving us all breathless just by watching. And then in the very finale the reprise of that year Australian Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras' perfomance of Better The Devil You Know, with the familiar dancing couple, plus more than a dozen hot men tucked in red zipped underwears and glittering devil horns adorning their heads. That's why this bitch is the queen of campy!! She makes it funny and glamourous!

The best thing about Minogue's Intimate And Live is that it proves a Pop Diva can still throw a show without the visual feast or big dramacity and it can be as enternaining and involving as it is simple. Kylie sings (LIVE!), dances, smiles, throws her hair and absolutelly amazes the watchers with her honest and charming performances. Even though the backstage footage is showed between the concert's tracks, it rarely breaks the mood and feelings of the sets. This show was also released in audio double-album, that contains all the concert's tracks and perfectly transfers the joy of the show without images. The woman can sing bitch!

[Song: Limbo Kylie Minogue]

Crash

"Drive back baby to me, fast in your car
I'm here waiting, crash into me real hard"

Weekend Update (weird uh... it's already Wednesday!)

I finally watched the Best Film Oscar winner of the year, Crash. And now I understand Brokeback Mountain supporter's riot. Okay, they're angry for the wrong reason (homophobia), but definitely, Crash ain't an Oscar movie! It's a louzy well edited tale that goes a lot about its theme but hardly reaches to a point, or worst, it gets to such a lame conclusion that you just get disappointed (I didn't get though, cuz I saw that coming). What I really mean is, it's a movie about racism that has gazillion characters but never deepens in the idea it tries to communicate. BBM (or any other nominee) was robbed.

I had a couple of interesting meetings this weekend. One I'll talk about, the other I won't. On Sunday, I met Nathalia's ex-boyfriend. The one she cheated on. The one who's friend of some friends of mine (small town... bleh). And it was due to these friends I happened to meet him. And information I got with this meeting... lol! Nathalia has been confiding to me she regrets having cheated on him, but what hurts her is not her act itself, but how two good friends now act as strangers and haters (familiar uh!!). I've been telling her to try to talk to him and leave things on clean plates, but after this weekend it's better to let things how they are and let them evolve for themselves. He's wounded and as she has expected, hates her. Well, that's normal you know, but it's also stupid. As Madge/Kabbalah says "there's no such thing as regret" and as you waste time hating something, the world moves on and there's still a part of yourself stuck on the past. It's funny to recognize parts of your old self on other people... it's probably ego-ish, but still funny.

And as the week goes by - quickly -, I just longer for one phone call...

[Song: Take Me With You - Kylie Minogue]

Random thoughts: From loneliness to disappointment...

"I've been so high
I've been so down
Up to the skies
Down to the ground

I was so blind
I could not see
Your paradise
Is not for me"

... Last night as I watched this beautiful Grey's Anatomy episode about loneliness, I could not help feeling the same way a bit. Not that I'm a social freak who doesn't have any friends and stuff, or is desperatelly seeking for a lover. But even though I enjoy my freedom and independence, I do miss someone to watch TV with me sometimes... I'll call an exorcist!!!!!!

(...) I got screwed up on French exam yesterday. I'm so fucking pissed!! How could I forget 2rd person from plural is êtes (être = to be) and 3rd person from plural is ont (avoir = to have)!

(...) I miss my latin ho Jose, my Canadian bitch Janine, my crazy-beautiful American Alais, my goofy angel Juliana, my boring charming Filipe and a certain friendship that probably will never be the same again...

I wanna call!! But I must play hard!

(...) I hate bills!!!

(...) I miss throwing my arms to the air and dancing like a crazy bitch...

This week I downloaded Jewel's forthcoming album, Goodbye Alice In Wonderland, and never been so disappointed with an idol. It's pure repetitive boring crap, but I've talked about it so much this week that I'm starting to become her.
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Why do I feel this way? I'm bored and unsatisfied with everything. Maybe that's good... But the only thing that moves me lately is someone that I don't know.

[Song: Paradise (Not For Me) - Madonna]

Miracle? Maybe yeah...

There is something I learned with a certain someone I really care about (and I ended up hurting - uhg, sometimes I can't help being a big fat cliché bitch!): if you have something good to say, say it. However, how am I supposed to know if it's good or not?

So, in a week I was prone to walk towards my own miracles I find myself wrapped up in a mess I built myself: too much college stuff to do and too little time to. So my blood was substituted by Red Bull and in 5 days I had slept only 6 hours!!! \o/ yeeeey... greatest part: there was a big rave party that started on Thursday and ended yesterday; I was so excited about it, but on the previous day I was so tired I couldn't even see another can of Red Bull, that I wanted to faint. In conclusion: how do you find miracles in such scenario? Ask Mariah Carey.

There I was fusing my head with Massoud Moisés and Antonio Candido's thoughts about Brazillian and Portuguese Literature when out of nowhere I feel this urge to listen to Shake It Off, and I HATE that song. But instead of bitching about it I asked for it for the one person I knew that had, that's how everything started.

In the end of last night I was sure the hurt was somewhat gone and the power of good-bye was stronger than any regret or bitterness. He was so sweet as always and as I listened to Annie's (she my new favorite bitch) No Easy Love I could not help feeling good to all that was happening.

And now I think: was that my miracle of the week? Who knows... maybe yes, but one thing I'm sure: it feels great to overcome ego.

[Song: Heartbeat - Annie]

What the heck is Easter anyways?

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Things that upset me the most...

1 - Be internet-less when I most need it (and I always need it).

2 - Realize I still have feelings over people I should be over a long time ago.

3 - Realize I have crushes on motherfucking blond, hot, cute, BUT straight men (ohhh he's soo delicious, thank G-d I hardly see him).

4 - Have crushes on motherfucking hot, clever, straigh men that I see everyday.

5 - Be horny and not being as sassy, hot and brave as Samantha Jones.

6 - Anticipate imported DVDs that were supposed to arrive 5 days ago.

7 - Be lazy when I can't be and feel proactive when I should be lazy.

8 - Be a pennyless poet. (Lol, my gayness could not let me miss a Moulin Rouge mention.)

9 - Have boring classes when I wanted to be having sweet music* (Uhh... now a Kylie mention!)

10 - Be too chicken-shit to call him...

*sweet music = sex.

[Song: Sweet Music - Kylie Minogue]

[Quit Session: And we can get/ Crazy like that/ Feel it like that/ Move it like that/ Drop it like that/ Rocking the track/ I'm looking for that new sensation// Woo-hoo, I think we're onto something/ Your taste it mirrors mine/ So hot and in the moment/ Let's beat this demo right/ Or I might just lose it/ When we make sweet music]

Brokeback Mountain

Today I finally watched Brokeback Mountain (BBM). And to my (non) surprise: I didn't like it that much!

Okay, the film is beautiful, sensitive and unpretentious. Ang Lee would've made an average love story movie if it weren't about gay cowboys. As my friend Le Ho said, if they were a boy and a girl BBM would be a mexican soap opera. Alright, shall I not be so bitter and say the good points of it first: Michelle Williams!!! I've always loved her since Dawson's Creek, but in BBM she was just genius! He made me like her more than the main characters. Same goes for Anne Hathaway that despite of appearing just to show her tits and bad dying was delicious as a clever and bright business womam former cowgirl. I also liked Heath Ledger! I mean, who'd say that 10 Things I Hate About You charming delinquent could actually act? I also liked the fact that we never feel like Lee is trying to make a gay or any kind of statement during the film.

That leads to main reason I didn't like the movie so much. I'm sorry but I got entangled in the whole gay icon crap that the movie (unintentionally) became!! As I said above, Ang Lee never said he was going to do a gay movie and suddenly the whole gay comunity was all fuzzy about it. Is Brokeback Mountain a controversial movie? Yes! Especially because Hollywood and society want us gays to be quiet in our closets listening to Madonna and Kylie Minogue, transforming sleezy straights into metrossexual blokes and being crazy and funny in Will And Grace! People can't just accept the fact that there are non-stereotype homossexuals, neither that a movie about them can be done. BUT, that was never what Ang Lee and his work were trying to say. In any moment you see "gay" or "queer" people there, you see two men that feel (sexual) attraction and end up falling in love with each other. But still the whole world spoiled it (at least to me) with stupid statements and ideals the movie never tried to endorse.

Other reasons that made me not love it: 1 - what a boring cinematography!!! After 30 minutes of movie I swore that if I saw any other sheep, I'd leave the room (si, yo soy a big fat drama queen)!! 2 - Jake Gyllenhal, all he did was stand there and be cute (as always), and his moustache freaked me out. 3 (to finish my whining): WHERE IN THIS MOTHERFUCKING WORLD THAT SCORE WAS BETTER THAN GEISHA'S?!?!?!?!?!?! I mean, who actually paid attention to that score?! I just remembered it got an Oscar when the movie was over and I was thinking about the awards it got. Williams was soooo robbed!!

[Song: Dangerous Game - Kylie Minogue... I just can't get it out of my head! (yay!! I'm corny)]

9 Months

Please give me back
All the poems I wrote you
Would you please give me back
Every song I linked to you
I just miss them now
And I feel like never having again
My inspiration back for
Everything feels connected to you

I know that I’ve messed up
And I’m not calling for forgiveness
I just want my normality
Back to where it shouldn’t be taken from
You gave me a lot of lights
But they all turned off when you told me
I had not provided any good moments in 36 weeks

Every second I live is
Like a reminder of my mistake
Every breath that I take is
Like the poison I must be free from
And there’s no such thing as regret
But I do regret what I’ve done
Not the act itself, just my behavior
Before the unspoken words

I know that I’ve messed up…

And here’s what I think
I don’t think what I did was monstrosity
I’m human as you and
Our stakes were higher than what we could bet
What I did was not right
But I never lied about the love I felt
And when we cheat and lie
It means things aren’t that well
And just now I see
How my ego was the only voice in me
Everything’s gone so quickly and
I only want us all to be happy (free)
Until one day in the end, friends be

by Lucas Oliveira Dantas
-------------------------------------------

Okay ho, should I send him or should I keep my legs shut?!

[Song #1: Dangerous Game - Kylie Minogue]
[Song #2: Burning Up - Ashlee Simpson]

Hamster

Through the whole day I've been facing gloom and sadness. Why? Death.

Although I have this honest relationship with death, as I've already posted here, I really don't think (anymore) I will ever be prepared to face it. And I can't tell which is worst, a sudden death or an announced one. For now, I'd say the announced one.

I might be scarying you with this morbid talk, but I indeed have been experiencing loss in my life. No, it's not a relative or even myself, it's a pet. Yes!! I get emotional over pets too, after all I'm a human being provided with feelings and every normal human being evolve feelings over their pets. These little thingies seem to appear out of nowhere and when you notice your bond with them are sometimes stronger than with most people you know.

Since the beginning of this month I've been aware that my little hamster Perebas could die at any moment. He had lost his funny pet glow, had been eating less and less and now he's totally furless, the skin covered with hideous ulcers and very skinny. I never thought I'd see him so ugly or in grieve. I guess we never expect that and I'm so sorry for him that I'd be glad if he died soon to end his suffering.

And as every pet of my family, Perebas, the Hamster, has gazillion names. Some of them are: Rato (given by my father and I), Rodney (by my friend Fernanda), Valdir (by my friend Diego) and Peludinho (by my friend Juliana). But are in times like these you wish you were like Holly Golightly, who never named the Cat, so they'd never get attached to each other.

Perebas, however, has a lot of names...

[Song: Take Me With You - Kylie Minogue]