The Thrill Is Dry

Alright I admit, I want a romance; I want someone to share intimacy. So why's it so hard to accept the possibility that it is happening?

Couple weeks ago this kid [17] added me on Orkut. I have a crush on every cute teenager that says hi to me and this was actually wanting to know me, so do the math. He's a cute-pie with silly smile, yummy lips and perfect teeth, totally my type of kid [I must add: perfect skin!]; but suddenly he turned to me and said "I'm in love with you"!

Yeah I gasped too, or I laughed I don't recall... I probably laughed. And then started the tormenta between this kid and me and me and myself. Why couldn't I believe him? Well, for the obvious: his a silly teenager who takes desperate plunges on every thrill that crosses his way; he doesn't know me and my little bitchinesses, I bet when he knows them he'll run away on the other direction after, of course, staying long enough to make me want him.

But as I ponder I realize that I'm from a generation that preaches free love but still doesn't believe in love. Here I come using my new favorite word [that happens to be me most of the times]: cynical. The sexual liberation was great and all that but we became a bunch of cynics, unbelievers. We just believe someone when he wants to fuck us and there we go chanting all the forms of loving, when we can't even accept that. Who am I to judge this kid's feelings, if they're true or not? Who am I to judge anyone's feelings?

Well, turned out I was right: this kid's pretty fucked up; but yeah that's not the point! What the fuck, Lucas wants romance but will he keep turning his back against it? When we're teenagers we keep waiting for the next thrill to dive deep [maybe that's why I feel attracted to that naivité], but as we grow up we don't anymore believe in the thrill but stupidly keep waiting for it!

So how will I answer my initial question? Who knows! Something tells me I'll keep ignoring signs and possible romances until I'm able to let go of myself. And that my friend, I'm not so sure if I want to do. I don't need romance anyway...

[Song: Lovin' You - Kylie Minogue]